ASHAMED! what to do now...

[tingtongtom]

I have been tapering valium for the past 6 or so weeks down from 400MG a day. I did not take 400MG of diazepam for a lot of days, it was maybe 2-3 days I was at that peak, but I was at high doses for about 2 months. Yesterday i took 30MG and then today I noticed my social anxiety had come back, reality hit me in the face with a hard thwack. I also had been taking tramadol for the past week for rib injury and was taking 400-500MG a day, could not go pass fluids within 5 minutes and did not pass solids for 5 days, yesterday I stopped the tram and won't take it again.

The problem is that today I went and bought my valium, to save myself the long journey I bought 200Mg, (2 strips)  My partner has been keeping my strips so I am never tempted and that is a great technique to any addict by the way, However, I kept one strip in to myself and ontop of my 27.5MG I took another 40MG and may even swallow the other 60MG soon enough.
The problem is my social anxiety, my skin condition around my scalp totally went away whilst I was on these high doses and as I have tapered it has slowly started to come back, so obviously anxiety triggers it. I am buddhist and all of this goes against a precept or two, and I know these evil pills are not the way out, but what to do... please help anybody.

Regards, Tom

[my_mayberry]

i maintain that doing this on your own is the wrong decision. there are tapers available online from very good sources...all of which will tell you that you're not doing this correctly. the best source is a doctor. if this is absolutely NOT possible, there are still other ways to find a good model for a taper. it can't be done using this forum, though.

not being able to see a doctor is no excuse for the road you are taking. you've had more than enough time already to self-educate and the tramadol issue was just wreckless. if you want to succeed, you really need to get your stuff together here and do this right.

[dominosarah]

Why are you not in the position to see a doctor?

[gnarly_1]

hi tome benzo's are  a funny drug they work on a different part of the brain then opiates
it a will know fact from our experience coming off benzo's is a whole nother ball game then opiates they hit different brain receptors and if stoped suddenly or tapered to quickly seizure are a common side effect....you may come down fine form a higher dose but as you get into the lower doses the brain receptors dont have enough of the drug to fill them up and you will go into a seizure we have had many members try this themselfs with disastrous consequences PLEASE seek professional help in doing this where all looking out for your well being I know this forum is new to you but it not to me im on 6 days a week some times more and I have seen that these drugs can do first hand everytime you take a ride your roiling dice it just ant worth it if you out on your bike and you seze you will be killed in traffic I cant stress how dangerous enough what your doing is...............Gnarly      

[tingtongtom]

i got down to 30MG with little little withdraw symptoms, it was just something that day that triggered me to want to get totally wasted. I consumed some beer and whisky and yes also the other 60MG. Today I took 27.5MG and will continue the taper. I am in no position to go into a detox or follow the slow slow taper which any doctor can advise.
Today I feel okay but that is probably because of the half life of the valium that I consumed last night. The main issue with me is social anxiety and that is what returned when I got down to these lower doses.

There are posts on here of people going cold turkey and totally stopping on certain benzos or opiates, they go through hell mentally and physically, so why is my taper any worse then a total halt of taking these meds?  

[gnarly_1]

TOM  we have spoke b/4 this is beyond the scope of a home detox benzo's are nothing to mess with I have detoxed off xanex 4mg and it was difficult to say the least and that was with a doctor the lower your dose gets the harder it gets this is something a doctor needs to be involved with and is beyond the scope of a home detox I wish we could help you but we would be endangering you life please seek professional help good luck and God bless    Gnarly  

[vicki595]

With all respect and compassion, I really think you need to be in-patient to detox. You are on such high doses that I fear even a slow "at home" taper would be problematic for you. You'll just spin your wheels.  

I'm hoping that you'll get with a very caring physician soon. You need medical support; I'm
truly concerned for your physical and mental safety.

Good luck!

[dominosarah]

Good post my_mayberry.  I agree with you 100%.

[my_mayberry]

you are tapering too fast.

i remember your last post. it wasn't all that long ago. have you seen a doctor yet? if not, then there is nothing that anyone here can help you with as far as a taper.

as some suggested, the taper you are following MAY avoid seizures, but you may just loose your mind in the process. you were warned of this. if you are not following a doctors taper and speaking with a doctor about your symptoms at this point, then nothing anyone here can do or say will help you. you're toying with tramadol also. this is not good.

if you have tapered that much just since your last post (which wasn't all that long ago) then you're going far too fast. this is what happens.

as to the comment about this drug being self tapering....this is not true. it makes a taper easier. self-tapering implies that this drug needs no taper due to its long half life. this is vastly incorrect.

[freenikita]

hello tingtongtom,

     I hope this finds you well or at least better... I completely agree with el_em_en_oh in that there is nothing to be ashamed of. You took too much, ok, that wasn't good but you also came here right after and asked for help... proving that you are sincere about your recovery.

     As far as the extra 60 mg, (just in case you have not taken it yet), can you give it to your partner or flush it down the toilet? to do this will certainly give you a "tap on the shoulder" kind of boost and well deserved might I add. don't focus on the past incident, don't forget it of course but don't get stuck in it... at least that is my advise. i know this sense of shame too well and this is how it would too often go in my head each time I messed up: it often turned into a vicious circle... I relapsed... I took too much... shame shame shame... i am ****... oh, well guess i have nothing better to do but get high some more to forget it... blah blah blah...

      Anyway, take very good care of yourself. BTW, I did what you are doing with your partner and it is definitely a good method when available... Let us know how you are doing,


Nikita

[bobthebuilder101]

diazepam has a half life of 100 hours.  it tapers itself out of your body.  i've been on 300-800mg a day for over 2 weeks and gone cold turkey with no withdrawl symptoms.  it's the short half life ones you want to worry about like triazolam and xanax; they can cause seizures and possible death.

[el_em_en_oh]

What are you ashamed of???

You're on here, admitting that you have a problem, and seeking advice and support. You deserve a harty CONGRATULATIONS if you ask me.

Remember Brother... we all have one thing in common around here. We're all ADDICTS.

Keep posting. It truly does help through the recovery process.

Good luck and keep posting!

LMNO