kicked my son out on the street

[islandcat]

I'm new here. I am going through tough times with my 23 yr old son. He was jobless and took him in. He is addicted to oxy, percs and pretty much any type of pill. Did not know this.  He has good days where not sure he is taking anything as he will never admit to it. Then days on end where he is high and abusive to me. Then the days on end when he sleeps for 4 or 5 days straight, detoxing I guess. I have talked to drug counsellors to understand these drugs better. I have done everything I can to help him but he wont even admit to his habit let alone help himself.  I find pills everywhere and worry about my granddaughter finding them. Last nite did me in when I found out he had stolen from a friend, obviously to get money for more pills. I hate myself, it hurts so much to shut the door on him but I cant live like this anymore and am probably responsible for enabling by giving him a bed and food. It doesnt help that I have already lost a child and am always waiting for the call that he has overdosed again. Has anyone else been through this? Not sure this is where to post this but need to understand what is happening with him and these drugs.  I have to be strong because I know the phone calls and his tears to come home will start but cannot trust anything he says anymore.  Any advice would be very welcome.  

[LIZZIE LOU]

at no point did the original poster state that she had given up on her son or would not support his recovery.  she came to this site, didnt she?

islandcat...
FIRST AND FOREMOST...you have to take care of yourself.  get to some meetings with other parents who are going through the same thing.  you will learn alot about, not only addiction, but yourself.  you do NOT have to live the life of addiction anymore ! ! !

i've said it many times...but the reality of the situation is you cannot love your son sober.  he will not end his addiction for you...his g/f...his family.  he will end his addiction when HE admits he is an addict and is powerless over his drug.

i'm sure that your son knows that you love him and that you are there to help him...if and when he decides to do something about his addiction.  make sure he knows that you will no longer support his ADDICTION...but you will do everything in your power to support his RECOVERY.  an example of what i have done...as a mother of three addicts...is to do the groundwork.  over the years, i've spent many a sleepless night searching the internet for different rehab programs.  i kept the names, addresses, phone numbers and all pertinent information in a little book.  when my sons came crying and crawling back...they were handed the book.  this put the responsiblity back to them.

please know that there are several "mothers of addicts" here on this forum.  we fully understand your pain and frustration and are here to support you.

[mtgoat911]

the people who are still using are going to tell you to let your son move back in
the people in recovery are going to back you with your tough love descion
i myself acted as a hurricane destoying family life, i continued to do so until they let me go and i have been clean ever since
there is a book called no more letting go, your local library should have it
there is also a good bit of help available to parents of addicted children, start with the courage to change
when it comes down to it my parents had to protect themselves, while i was using i thought they were being selfish, now that i am clean i see that i was being selffish
it wasnt easy, i was homeless my first year in recovery, i lived at a pay by weekly hotel, went to na meetings, and out patients support groups, i started taking action and began treating my illness
with no one left to take care of me, i was forced to take action

[JENZ_N_RECOVERY]

Hey....im so sorry your haven to go thro this! my mom (cathy5841) posted above and trust me when i tell you that i did so many things to my family and son that now that i am sober....i cant beleive i did....i hate my self for all the horrible things i did....i am clean now and see the whole picture as my son gets older and i pray that he doesnt go down the same road....
you can only help him if he wants help....take it from me.....i learnd the hard way!
keep your head up....if i can come outa it your son can to!

[jt808]

i dont kno if u were talkin to me but i didnt say she dint lov her son im sayn that how he will feel i kno this cause i woulda felt the same way u way isnt the best way im where her son is at i was just givn her other options cause as being a kid thats how i would feel,

[newgirl2708]

I am first so very sorry to hear that you're going through this. We all know you tried and exhausted every avenue before you told your adult son you had had enough.

I kicked my son out when he was 16 for completely different reasons. By the time I did though, I was through. It wasn't in haste. I was done and knew it was time. Unfortunately. No mother should ever have to do that. Ever. For me, I knew I did the right thing for my family and myself.

With that said, and I don't know if you're a religious person or not, but you will get my drift when I tell you this. It was the first weekend I was at church after this happened when our/his youth pastor came up after church and asked where he was. When I told him, he knew. He agreed and understood completely. How comforting, that's his job right? Well, it was at the very end of our conversation when he said something I'll never forget and to this day I reflect on it. He said:

Even God kicked Adam and Eve out.

Hope this helps. Keep us posted. You've done the right thing.
Best Wishes,
ng

[HelpinUtah]

It's not the same sweetie, but my brother lived with me for years and I had to finally kick him out.  He ended up living in a shelter.  To this day, he thanks me for helping him get his life together.  I know it's difficult, but you can only do so much.  I can tell you love him very much!  He might not feel like it right now, but in time, if he can get himself cleaned up - he will be thankful you stood your ground and made him grow up and believe in himself!

I am keeping you and your son in my prayers!  

Hugs,
Janet