lifer i guess

[b_rad3030]

well i havent posted on here in a while. i been clean from opiates for about 2 months now, but like i said before, i cant quit drinking. like i said in the last post, im 30 and been drinking extremely heavily since i was in grade school. (up to half gallon of vodka a day now) ive tried aa, out patient, cold turkey but cant stop. last time i went to a meeting i had to have drinks before i went. i don't think i can stop. im pretty sure im a hopeless case. ive lost everything dear to me in the world cus of my addictions (job with general mototrs, house marrige family) and now live in the sh*tty one room apartment behind my moms cus i cant take care of myself. i dont know what to do. all i think about is booze, i even dream about booze. i have a badly swollen liver and enzyme counts through the roof last time i saw a doc.  to all u out there that found the power to quit give yourself a round of applause cuz i cant get it done.

[kell1977]

this is really tough stuff ,, u r worth so much more than u think every1 deserves a life and to live that life we must fight thru our demons 2 get thru.... i was facing those demons to i no wat its like but believe me u yrself r worth everything .... take care

[dominosarah]

Please check into in patient treatment.  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain....You are so worth fighting for,  Make that call today.       sara

[bmdad]

You said you tried aa, outpatient, and cold turkey. Why haven't you tried inpatient? There is no sense ever giving up but especially if you haven't exausted all options. Even the ones that have struggled with the most severe addiction have been able to turn it around. If you don't feel inpatient is even enough why not go to a sober living facility after you have completed inpatient. When I say inpatient I don't mean some week long detox. Give it all you've got. You haven't given up yet or else you wouldn't be here asking for help. Everyone has it in them somewhere to get and stay clean. You just have to find what works for you.
Is there anything stopping you from going to inpatient rehab and then a sober living facility?

[Beccabeccalynn]

Go to an AA meeting and tell them the same exact thing you posted about and they will help you while you are looking for an inpatient place. You are ment to be so much more and you can be if you choose to be. There is help but you have to seek it out. What will it take for you to seek out the help that will save your life? I  pulling for you and will support you a hundred percent. Becca

[amity_76]

yes Gnarly I want off this merry go round , i want my life back i am so much better then this , i want my life back so yes I am VERY OPEN TO HELP, in fact i want it so bad i cry.... so any suggestions im very interested in hearing and to you again b-rad keep ur head up high really like what Hischild76 posted most of the luck to you hischild.... really we all can get thru, all we need is a little help from our friends eh.... xoxo God bless

[Htownnofrown]

Man please give treatment a shot, it saved my life and it can do the same for yours. What is there to lose? That's how I was, man just hopeless. Going to rehab and working the steps with a sponsor has turned my life around completely even bough I didn't think it would work. Give yourself a chance brad your worth it.

[gnarly_1]

HI Amity.......I also suffer chronic pain but not as bad as I did wile I was taking narcotics
there is help here for you....you dont have to live like that....many of our members have found they do much better without the aid of narcotics...the brain will actually create pain to get the narcotic it a viscous cycle but ones broke you to may find your pain a lot more manageable if you want off the merry go round we can show you how to do it its up to you but you can get your life back...good luck and God bless.....Gnarly  

[HisChild76]

I believed the same of myself up to about a month ago. Was on over 500mg methadone, have used many things since i was in grade school as well. People like us need more than just meetings.  Sometimes we have to put ourselves in a controlled environment, becuz we cant control ourselves. Up till about a month ago i saw no way out, no hope, had been askin God to just take me for over a year. I have 17 days clean today and am awaiting a Christ centered program to give me the ok to come in, I am leaving my three children to go into year long program, bcuz i know cant do this on my own. Please believe me there is hope.

[amity_76]

I just read what you said brought tears to my eyes, I to feel like a lifer although I have never suffered from alcohol, but drugs I do, used to be coccain/heroine, and i a 1st yr nurse , came down with lupus now addicted to opiates...for pain, want off but cant cope with pain, coming close to loosing husband casue he thinks thats all I care about , really until u walk in the same shoes as a person one cant assume that, I love my husband and my family very very much, but in a sense I guess I am selfish cause I cant stand to be in pain, and even to get thru a ****** day hurts, like I need that boost in the same sense you need that drink, well ur not a long mister and you are certainly are not a right off...... just keep posting what your feeling no matter what I do, and know in your heart your a good man...

[gnarly_1]

HI addiction requires aftercare to treat it.....I know you mentioned going to meetings but did you ever put the effort into working the 12 steps with a sponsor ?? theirs a big difference
if your uncomfortable in meetings try a substance abuse conslor  its one on one
but the only way I know of to concur your demons is to face them threw aftercare
no one is bound help if your still breathing please dont give up on yourself
your worth the fight...take it from an old worn out addict...if I can get clean anyone can
.........Gnarly  

[b_rad3030]

thank u very much. im just.... i dont even think rehab will help. im scared ill just get right back to it

[gnarly_1]

HI.....well it sounds to me that you need some professional help....you have hit rock bottom and that hasn't stoped you its time to look into a in pacent rehab...your still young you can get a hold of this b/4 it kills you...witch it is doing if your liver count is right you have done the bigest part that is admit your helpless to it now take the next step and get into a rehab
nothing else should come b/4 this your talking about your life here and your worth saving
please seek out help wile you still can...keep posting for support till you get into a rehab
I dont think there is any other choice here its become a mater of life or death for you
there is no shame in getting help good luck and God bless......Gnarly