Aa
ADVICE PLEASE
I need some advice really bad please!!!!!! I usually just blow up without thinking first, so this is a plus for me. I will try to make this as short as possible. Today is day 10 for me & for some reason today the depression & anger as hit BIG TIME!!!! I have been crying almost all day. I'm still too damn lazy to do much so that is not helping at all. Anyway, to the point....when I quit, I gave my husband 100+ of my pills & told him to make sure that they were not in the house. I know they are in his truck(don't know if he knows i know) & the only reason i gave them to him is because he said he would sell them to a friend of ours that lives with us on weekends(whole other story). Anyway, the friend didn't come last weekend & when i found out that he wasn't coming this weekend, i told my husband that he needed to flush the pills now. He basically ignored me. The part the PISSES me off so f***ing bad, is that I can tell everytime he takes 1. Is that not f***ing INCONSIDERATE???????? I have let the few times he's taken them slide because i know this is my fault, but does he not care about my recovery??? What should i do? Right now i want to go look for them, but i won't. Do i have a right to be angry? Please just tell me if i'm blowing this way outta proportion? Thanks so much for listening.
The good news is you are still clean, you have a husband and you're still alive. The other good thing is that you now have emotions again. They will settle down. It takes time. Again I would like to stress the vitamins, supps and mood supporters. They do help.
He took them with me every once in a blue moon. He doesn't use or abuse, THANK GOD!!!
That was for a new beginning - not R2R.
Sorry.
Sorry.
R2R:
I wasn't implying you wanted the pills when I shared about how I was looking for them. I was trying to point out how when we first quit we aren't thinking too clearly. I know you stopped because you don't want drugs to run your life anymore. So did I. But our bodies, that are addicted to drugs want the drugs. Even if we (our minds and will) don't.
adijUCLA:
I got that definition out of my Rhetoric book. I like the way the phrase sounds, but had forgotten what it meant - It seems like ages since I took the class. I didnt write it, the guy that wrote the book did.
Shelly
I wasn't implying you wanted the pills when I shared about how I was looking for them. I was trying to point out how when we first quit we aren't thinking too clearly. I know you stopped because you don't want drugs to run your life anymore. So did I. But our bodies, that are addicted to drugs want the drugs. Even if we (our minds and will) don't.
adijUCLA:
I got that definition out of my Rhetoric book. I like the way the phrase sounds, but had forgotten what it meant - It seems like ages since I took the class. I didnt write it, the guy that wrote the book did.
Shelly
IT won't i promise it will get better..BUT like toxic said , does he have pain??
was he taking them with you?
r2r
was he taking them with you?
r2r
Thanks! This is the 1st time i have been angry & depressed & i hope it doesn't stick around to long. Thank you!
Thank you VERY MUCH for the supporting & kind words. I feel a whole lot better & hopefully i can deal with it better tomorrow. I'm sure if i tried to explain it to him that he would get rid of them. He knows this has been controlling my life for over 3 years & is very glad that i finally got rid of it. THANKS AGAIN!!!!
wow, u have got some great advice here....Although i understand what you are saying..
If he is taking them, by no means is that ok, has he not seen what you have been going through????
But think about it this way, remember you have to take care of YOU right now...SO does it really matte where they are???
I know what you are feeling, because on the day you are on , i could of ripped someones head off, That is so normal....i was so snappy at my kids and hubby , and everyone..
ok now that i am almsot 5 months clean and i think about those days, it feels like it was a dream...Wierd , can't explain it..BUT beleive me when i say i understand how you feel..
And like i said if he is taking them, then he is not caring about your recovery....if you can see him high that is not right on his part..it is kind of like putting it in your face..The pills should be flushed!!!
r2r
If he is taking them, by no means is that ok, has he not seen what you have been going through????
But think about it this way, remember you have to take care of YOU right now...SO does it really matte where they are???
I know what you are feeling, because on the day you are on , i could of ripped someones head off, That is so normal....i was so snappy at my kids and hubby , and everyone..
ok now that i am almsot 5 months clean and i think about those days, it feels like it was a dream...Wierd , can't explain it..BUT beleive me when i say i understand how you feel..
And like i said if he is taking them, then he is not caring about your recovery....if you can see him high that is not right on his part..it is kind of like putting it in your face..The pills should be flushed!!!
r2r
Shelly, actually, gradual steps are sort of built into the word, hence the "slope" portion of the phrase.
Your argument seems to assert that if I had said "it's a tall mountain to climb", that the person would be unable to do so, or that the challenge is so great that no one can overcome it.
The entire point of the concept of "a slippery slope" is that you CAN do something about not going down that path. Did anything I say seem to indicate otherwise?!
Back to the point at hand: Anewbeginning, you ARE in control of where you are headed. Asking others for advice is an AMAZING first step to making decisions that are not only influenced by your view of events.
adij
Your argument seems to assert that if I had said "it's a tall mountain to climb", that the person would be unable to do so, or that the challenge is so great that no one can overcome it.
The entire point of the concept of "a slippery slope" is that you CAN do something about not going down that path. Did anything I say seem to indicate otherwise?!
Back to the point at hand: Anewbeginning, you ARE in control of where you are headed. Asking others for advice is an AMAZING first step to making decisions that are not only influenced by your view of events.
adij
I haven't once looked for pills anywhere in the house nor did i ask him to give me any (not that he would) nor do i EVER want anything to do with them again. This sh** almost destroyed my life. I just think he is being inconsiderate keeping them here this long, when they were supposed to be gone a week ago.
Your right, he doesn't know how i feel or that he's hurting me. He doesn't know that i know where they are, & he will probably never understand. I'm just having a really hard day today. VERY EMOTIONAL!!!!!!! I just wished i would've flushed them instead of giving them to him to sell. The only reason i got that last refill was because it was my last refill available & i wanted to make sure that i couldn't get anymore. Well he happened to greet the fed-ex guy when they were delivered, & he was like what the f***, because we had already decided the day. I explained it to him, that i wanted to make sure that i didn't have access to anymore & he said that he didn't understand that. Then he said, well i guess if you hand be a bottle of pills on tues. I will maybe understand. Well i gave them to him & now i have to deal with it. Sorry to vent & be such a big wimpy crybaby!! THANK YOU!
Everything is not Black and White.
It is and isn't wrong of him.
But it Doesn't Matter.
Your mind is playing tricks with you girl.
When I actually quit, I looked all over my house for pills. Now, I am the only adult here, and I knew someone had taken my pills. It was like I was 2 people, and I was mad at that person that quit. I knew she took my pills and hid them. Sounds crazy, huh?
Shelly
It is and isn't wrong of him.
But it Doesn't Matter.
Your mind is playing tricks with you girl.
When I actually quit, I looked all over my house for pills. Now, I am the only adult here, and I knew someone had taken my pills. It was like I was 2 people, and I was mad at that person that quit. I knew she took my pills and hid them. Sounds crazy, huh?
Shelly
Description of Slippery Slope
The Slippery Slope is a fallacy in which a person asserts that some event must inevitably follow from another without any argument for the inevitability of the event in question. In most cases, there are a series of steps or gradations between one event and the one in question and no reason is given as to why the intervening steps or gradations will simply be bypassed. This "argument" has the following form:
Event X has occurred (or will or might occur).
Therefore event Y will inevitably happen.
This sort of "reasoning" is fallacious because there is no reason to believe that one event must inevitably follow from another without an argument for such a claim. This is especially clear in cases in which there is a significant number of steps or gradations between one event and another.
The Slippery Slope is a fallacy in which a person asserts that some event must inevitably follow from another without any argument for the inevitability of the event in question. In most cases, there are a series of steps or gradations between one event and the one in question and no reason is given as to why the intervening steps or gradations will simply be bypassed. This "argument" has the following form:
Event X has occurred (or will or might occur).
Therefore event Y will inevitably happen.
This sort of "reasoning" is fallacious because there is no reason to believe that one event must inevitably follow from another without an argument for such a claim. This is especially clear in cases in which there is a significant number of steps or gradations between one event and another.
He was supposed to get rid of them over a week ago. I have said nothing until today & he didn't say anything. He is not abusing them, but i know that he has taken them 2-3 times because he's always sleeping, & a couple of times he has been wide awake & full of energy. He probably doesn't even think i realize it, but i do, & I THINK IT'S WRONG!!!! I would like to be full of energy also. I guess tomorrow i will have to ask him again instead of leaving him an extreamly nasty note like i was getting ready to.
First thing first: I think that Shelly is right in saying that you're getting angry at your husband at least partially due to your own frustration with being unable to use your pills, but I'm not willing to let you give in to this notion that "we" have to act any certain way.
Rather than making this about your husband taking the pills or not taking them himself, explain to him that you know where they are (the first thing you need to do is stop hiding things, it's a slippery slope back to lying and deceiving) and that it makes you uncomfortable. Tell him that you appreciate everything he is doing in helping you through this and that if he could put those things somewhere where you'd have no access it would make you feel much better. Let him know that this isn't something he's going to have to do forever, but that this early in your recovery, you need all the help you can get.
remember, as much as it seems like those around us are purposefully inconsiderate, most of them simply don't understand the way you feel. explain it to him honestly :-)
hope it helps,
adij
Rather than making this about your husband taking the pills or not taking them himself, explain to him that you know where they are (the first thing you need to do is stop hiding things, it's a slippery slope back to lying and deceiving) and that it makes you uncomfortable. Tell him that you appreciate everything he is doing in helping you through this and that if he could put those things somewhere where you'd have no access it would make you feel much better. Let him know that this isn't something he's going to have to do forever, but that this early in your recovery, you need all the help you can get.
remember, as much as it seems like those around us are purposefully inconsiderate, most of them simply don't understand the way you feel. explain it to him honestly :-)
hope it helps,
adij
You do not have any right to be angry with him. You gave him the pills, right?
He is supposed to get rid of them, right?
He didn't, and now he is taking them, right?
And. You are not mad because he is taking them, you are mad because you are not.
Right?
He is not being inconsiderate. You are being what we are.
The addiction is: Baffling, Powerful and Cunning. Please change your mind. I know it's hard to not think about the pills. In a perfect world, he wouldn't DARE do that to you, would he?
But he isn't doing anything to you. He is setting himself up for what you just went through. I have met people in meetings that have left their families for less, but not because of what the family was doing to them, but because of this little credo:
SOBRIETY AT ALL COSTS.
I am not telling you to leave him, or even advising it. But don't let your mind trick you into hating him for something he may not even be aware he is doing. You have to think about you and your sobriety. Just you.
I hope this helps.
Shelly
He is supposed to get rid of them, right?
He didn't, and now he is taking them, right?
And. You are not mad because he is taking them, you are mad because you are not.
Right?
He is not being inconsiderate. You are being what we are.
The addiction is: Baffling, Powerful and Cunning. Please change your mind. I know it's hard to not think about the pills. In a perfect world, he wouldn't DARE do that to you, would he?
But he isn't doing anything to you. He is setting himself up for what you just went through. I have met people in meetings that have left their families for less, but not because of what the family was doing to them, but because of this little credo:
SOBRIETY AT ALL COSTS.
I am not telling you to leave him, or even advising it. But don't let your mind trick you into hating him for something he may not even be aware he is doing. You have to think about you and your sobriety. Just you.
I hope this helps.
Shelly
For your sake, he should get rid of them. Blown out of proportion. I think so. Can you calmly ask him to please remove them from his truck and not have them on the premises. That way it is his responsibility to take care of them. By the way. You are doing good for day 10. Really good job there. I was thinking about you today. Wondering how things are going. HANG IN THERE.
WEll...let's see. We have a right to our feelings...no feeling is right or wrong..they just are. It's how we deal w/ those feelings that is important. You are still very raw emotion wise.....I'm on day 9 and I can relate. I can see where knowing the pills are around...that isn't good. Does your hubby need them for pain, or is he abusing them too? Does he want to support you on this?? Hang in ther....I know it's hard.
Im gonna go sit in the tub for a few mins, but i will be back!!
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