weighing the pros and cons, cons are winning

[BIKERDAD1963]

WOW i never thought at this point things would be so hard. Day 35 and I thought i was doing ok until a few days ago. I have been weighing the pros and cons for quiting drugs and the cons are stacking up. I havent slept good in a week. 4 hours at best and I am so tired again. I quit for a couple of reasons but those reasons arent getting any better now that i am off drugs. I was happy, I slept great and i got things done when i was using. Now I am tired, moody and I am still forcing myself to get stuff done. I am struggling very badly and I keep asking myself why am i doing this. Some days I feel great but they are far and few lately. The physical WD is so easy compared to all this other junk I am going thru lately. I have known for a week now that I am having oral surgery today. It will be so easy to get the drugs again and i think that is why I am struggling so badly now. I can be feeling so great in a few hours and my will power is diminishing. I am so afraid of letting my wife down after all she has done for me but I am also so tired of this roller coaster we call staying clean. Its got to get better rite? But when? I cant keep struggling like this, it is just killing me emotionally. Well hopefully I will feel better after my procedure and I get this monkey off my back today. Its just so hard to say no when I am struggling so bad. My wife says she will be there in a heart beat if I need her to knock me upside my head but hopefully i can do this on my own. I cant keep relying on everyone else to do what i need to do. I guess we can never get to comfortable because it can come back and get us at anytime. Well its about that time. Procedure at 11:00, wish me luck because this can be another fight of my life!!

[Axl_0113]

glad to hear you didn't give in!  That was a big victory if you ask me....

some days are easier than others, and you took the hard day today, and made it your b*tch!  Huge accomplishment!  Be proud of yourself.

[leeisgettingclean]

great job. I had to do that as well, tell my dentist...it was hard but yeah they usaully give you a bit more respect for doing so. I am proud of you!

[BIKERDAD1963]

I am back home. As soon as i got to the endocronologist I disclosed my addiction. He shook my hand and told me he was proud. He then promptly went to the receptionist and told her not to call in any scripts for me. He did however give me a pouch of 600mg motrin to get me by and told me that extra strength tylenol should releive the pain enough to make it bareable. As I walked out and turned my phone back on it rang imidiately and it was my wife. I am so lucky to have her, still. Cant say that I am not still struggling today because I am. Today the cons still outweigh the pros but hopefully tomarrow the pros will win. I have got to go do something. This fite going on in my head is really bad. Two steps forward and one step back again. Its funny how you no you are doing the rite thing but you still dont care. Guess we have all been there and will continue to be at some point. Going to keep fighting, just have to fite harder on some days. Thanks all

[whitie]

its the long term wd's(or PAWS) coming to roost.


I know the feeling, and I still go through them. but I wont let any pill rationalizing take place, thats against my own personal rules, nor should you.

we wish we could just get back to 100 % after a month, but it does'nt work that way.

sometimes it might take 3-8 months for long term users, to get back to %100.



the longer you used,the longer it takes, thus we keep focused on the future and not the past.

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

Oh honey.. PLEASE ... PLEASE .. don't set yourself up to RELAPSE... You have come SOOOOO far.. and I don't want to see you fall backwards....

Please seek out some sort of meeting and/or aftercare IMMEDIATLY..

I care!

[leeisgettingclean]

what is that small scrip from the dentist going to get you...15..20....maybe 30 pills then what? all over again, looking, going without, hurting your wife, blah blah blah...hummm a few pills from a dentist to start back at day one?     ...... "check please!"

[regretfullyyours]

You definately dont need the srcipt..I have had a pl rootcanals, and even my wisodm teeth taken out without using pain meds, other then Motrin.
Take it from me...someone who is three years trapped on Suboxone...you dont want that script. Your lucky your wife is supportive...But who's to say she will be if you F up again. Have her go with yopu, and tell the dentist what your dealing with. I remember that pain..I knwo its hard, but it does get better. I was clean and NORMAL/happy for 4 years before this nightmare started up again. Dont go there...iTS HELL out here in the "abusing" worls..Rigth now you are only rembering the good things that came with using...youf forgetting the bad...Try real hard and rember what amde you want to quit in the first place.

[dominosarah]

Your addiction is calling you again cuz you know you have this procedure coming up.  We have a way of making all kinds of excuses for using again.  Yes the wd's are the easy part.  The mental part of this is the hardest.  I am glad to hear your wife is there for you.  The struggles you are feeling right now will be nothing compared to what you will be up against if you decide to use.  Your life is more important than a pill.  You can get thru this.  Let us know how you are when you are able.  JUST SAY NO.      sara

[refusingbondage]

This is the mental part trying to draw you back.. .Addiction is strong... its cunning.  And right now it is tricking you into questioning your sobriety.

When the physical doesnt beat you, the emotional and psychological gives you a beating.

Good news: As hard as it is the struggle will NOT kill you.  Better news: It WILL get better.  It will absolutely get better.   And its amazing when it does.. but you gotta fight your way through it until it passes.  

I was the same way coming off sub.. It was such a long physical w/drawal and I was so f'ing happy when I started physically improving then BAM out of no where I was crushed with depression, hoplessness.. It was terrible... Suicidal.  Like an anvil dropped from the sky on top of me.  And it almost got me... BUT.. I held out.. and one day it was gone. OH HAPPY DAY.  

Dont let it beat you man.  Keep fighting.  Your so close.  You've come so far already.  Good luck at your dental appt.  You dont need the script.  Dont let your addiction and its ninja mind tricks get to you (*smile*).