still trying

[dwb2k]

well..as some of you no..im addicted to vicoden..i eat a very lethal amount ..all day long...i no its going to kill me...i no what will happen if i dont stop..i have so much to live for,,,but yet i still take alot...a true addiction is the devil,,,,on a bad day i will eat up to 20  7.5/750mg vics,,,on a good day..7 or 8....this has been going on for 4 years.   i was blessed with the back of a 100 year old man so i put up with back pain all day every day..been through 2 surgery's and still my back is trashed..the pills dont even help the pain any more..i just eat them cause it is like breathing for me..it is just part of my day..lately i havent been eating very much cause my stomach decided it wants to hurt all the time..and on top of every day problems suck as family issues.alcoholic parents,dead beat brother who i gotta bail out of jail a 3 in the morning and fight with all night and still make it to work by 6...from my 5 year old who is just a handfull..he is a whole different story...im feeling like im truely having a mid life crisis and im 24,,,i have cry'd more in the last 2 weeks than i have in my whole life...i dont no what to do guys.and gals....i am one of the nicest guys you would ever meet..every body around here loves me..but its only skin deep..i look so normal from the outside..but on the other hand i have a major attitude problem when it comes to being around worthless people or say like somebody who thinks they are tuff,,so to speak..when somebody pisses me off i feel this rage that is almost un human,,,i just want to tear some body's face off... i punched a kid a few months ago at dairy mart for accusing me of looking at his old lady..witch what guy dont cop a look at a hot chick,,but i swear on every thing i didnt even look at her...i got so mad  he was backing out of the parking lot and i punched him through the window of his car,,and have the scares to prove it,,,a long story short the cops came and the kid didnt even press charges on me,,it blowed my mind..i felt so bad like im taking my anger and frustration out on other pple..i shoulda just let it go but i couldn't...i guess i dont even no were im going with this,,you guys are the only pple i can vent to..........i need some advice on what i can do,,the counting to 10 thing dont work,,,i dont likefighting with pple and i truely am a nice guy...i cant be the only one out here in this boat...thanks for reading guys..i love you all for supporting me since i first came to this site...

[sweatinit]

feel better bud. we love you!

[dwb2k]

i just feel like crying,,, i thank all of you for your advice and support,,im not feeling to good right now,,not sure why,,just dont feel good,,i got up just to come read what you guys said,,,feel drained and my stomach hurts...im going to lay down ,,i will be back on tomorrow,,,thanks guys,,,,every body stay strong,,

[10356]

You will figure it out.. My addiction caused so much havoc in my life and my family suffered for it as did I but once I got clean a lot of things changed. our emotions are smothered while addicted it steals our very spirit.. for many years I was a very angry girl.. I harbored a lot of hate and resentment for what had occurred during my childhood.. I understand physical violence as I was raised with it. clean my life is so different.. the anger is gone thanks to counseling and my willingness to work on my problems.. You will get to the point that you will have no choice but to give up the drugs,, they take so much from us and we are blind to it as we are in a fog.. clean life is so different.. I can hear the birds sing I belly laugh and I get out of the house and into Nature.. High I was fighting my feelings all the time.. the answer was so simple really. freeing myself of active addiction freed my spirit and boy has it soared.. I wish and pray for this for you Because you are so worth it.. Under all that anger I'm sure is a spirit that is kind and willing just have to get rid of the chain that is tying it down.. I'm very glad you found us :))

[lurker86]

I was just thinking about the sweating. For the longest time I had a sweating problem and I did not understand why. I was outside in 20 degree weather in a t-shirt and people thought I was nuts. My wife has a friend who is a nurse who mentioned in a converstion that sweating can be from drug use. That is another thing that made me realize I need to stop.

Thanks

[hydrosnot4thisgirl]

Hey there! Vics are so easy to eat in abundance... Norco was my DOC and when I couldn't get those I'd get Vics... I'd find myself eating 6 @ a time like 3-4 times a day... Sick, sick, sick. I used to justify it by saying, well two vics are like one Norc so I have to take twice as many... What a joke!! I can't imagine the amount of poison I have put into my body for the past 4 years. I know the feeling of taking the pills is like taking a breathe. Everytime I left the house I'd check my pockets like 5 times just to make sure I'd have enuff pills to last me while being out. It truely is a sickness... My husband started having stomach problems too and he's noticed since being clean he actually use the bathroom and not break out in a sweat from the pain. We've all been where you are... Down in the pill pit of despair. It *****, really, really ***** but... Look up buddy, there is a light up there and that light leads to the way out of that pit. I hear you about waiting and waiting for God to help answer your pleas for help... God is there but you have answer your own cries sometimes... You have to be the one to pull yourself out of the muck. You can do this and we're all here to help you! Good luck my friend! :) xoxoxo

[sweatinit]

anytime! and remember; there's no time like the present! :) you've already figured it out. now ya just gotta do it, my friend.

[dwb2k]

thank you for your support...im just at a point in my life were something has got to happen...good or bad..im ready for a change..something..anything....when i wake up it is just so easy for me to get glued up on pills.....i will keep posting here..i enjoy talking with you guys...sometimes it just takes some one talking to me in a positive way to make me smile and turn my day around...im going to beat this thing one way or the other..right now its kicking my *** but imma figure it out..thanks to both of you

[10356]

I'm sorry to read you are in so much pain emotionally and physically.. there are many things you can do to improve your situation.. I also live with chronic pain but I'm a drug addict so a decision had to be made.. I have already wasted 1 kidney and now em stage 3 with stage 2 liver.. My life while active was so out of control.. I was self absorbed and really felt sorry for myself.. not until I got into counseling and dealt with my past have I been able to move on.. like you when I using I was consuming between 25 and 30 norco a day combined with soma.. a ex junkie it was as close as I could get.. I have been clean a lil over a year and I have to tell ya I have never been happier.. problems do not loom so large anymore.. I'm in control of my temper and my moods most days.. I hope you speak to your Dr. as you say you have a lot of people that love you and we are ripping them off by being stoned day in and day out.. emotionally we are crippled while active.. I will say a prayer for you that you find the courage to change your life to one you can be proud of.. be kind to yourself.. lesa

[sweatinit]

Hey Buddy, Glad you posted again! I was thinking about you today. So I cant speak much on the anger issues, but I knwo why you've been leaking (crying) for the last 2 weeks. You told me last night that you have been praying and nothing happens. Well sometimes I think God will soften us before there is a breakthrough. That happened to me too. I begged him to help me, yet at the same time did nothing to chnage my behavior. Pills day in and out! About a week or so before I quit, i was really emotional and I didnt know why. Then I finally said enough. You need to do this, man. Look everyone has family issues. I knwo its so hard to deal when we're not doped. It can be done. There is support out there. We are here, there is NA, AA, most churches have whats called "Celebrate Recovery". I have noticed that tehre is something really special with addicts. They are THE most compassionate, non judgemental ppl i have ever met. Give it a try. It will be hard for the first few days, but you can do it! Keep posting, k? xxoo.