I tried to talk to my wife a lil bit tonight about my meds. If I haven't stated it before, anytime we have talked about it in the past we get into a huge fight. She wants absolutely nothing to do with the situation. She wont even acknowledge me if I try n talk about it. So unfortunately, that means I can count on zero support from the person I spend most of my time with.
Un absolutely no way am I blaming her, I am where I am because of my poor choices. But I think that is why I have so many failed attempts to taper. When the w/d's start kickin in, she gets crabby with me because I don't feel good, so I usually give up and sneak off to rail a roxi to feel normal.
So nyway......I am traveling for my jobs tommirow. This is my total last chance. I'm taking with me only what I'm supposed to have and leaving the rest at home. If I make it thrkugh the long day and DONT dive for the bottle as soon as I get home..........
But if I cant do it. If I cant take it. I'm getting so anxious and freaked out just thinkin about it. What if I get sick while away. I found an addictionologist finally in my area. I think its finally time to go.
Please pray, cross your fingers, hope, or whatever it is you do for me for tommorow. zPLEASE. It is my once and for all end of the line last chance