Is my boyfriend using Heroin?!

[Trudy321]

I have been with my boyfriend for 5years. When I met him he had a bad drink problem which has been on and off. We don't live together as I won't have drinking around my children but he has worked hard to beat it and things have been getting better. Last year his Dad died. Obviously there was an issue with the drinking which I expected. Then I went away for a few weeks. We kept in touch online which was ok but the it all went very strange. I got back and he had a new friend. Something just wasn't ringing right. He had a bowl with a candle in his front room and hisbegaviour not normal. When drinking he's online all the time and texting getting argumentative. Now he's offline and not texting for hours At a time. The last couple of times I've stayed with him he needs the toilet a lot for a number two. The other night he came out and was itching, looked vacant but eyes weren't pinned and he was sniffing and yawning a lot. He also said he had pains in his stomach. The last few weeks he hasn't texted me at night saying he was sleeping. He's definitely not drinking but I have experience of heroin users and I have a bad feeling about this. I might be just paranoid but any advice on finding out for sure would be appreciated. Apart from this he is keeping his job going and it's going well so maybe I am being over cautious.

[mjean15]

I am a previous heroin user both my bf and myself.  From experience it definately sounds like he's using if not heroin then maybe pills but whatever it is it doesnt seem like its going to get any better.  He's probably keeping his distance from you and not getting back to you right away bc he probably senses that you're getting suspicious and he's probably busy putting together his next meet with the dealer.  I always have smoked weed it helps w anxiety for me although now i dont like it as much it just makes me sleepy however point is that if he was spending that much money on just weed it would be hard to hide it and no one spends that much money on weed in a cpl days unless their buying it to sell.  I'm not sure what part of the country you live in but the text you read about it being sticky could be referring to black tar heroin bc i have used both that and powder.  Above anything else you really just need to bring it up in a non confrontational way.  I am horrible at doing that but if he feels on the defense you will never get the truth.  No matter what kind of addict he is we are programmed to lie thats just how it goes.  I think it's great to keep your kids and your own life seperate and you could be an amazing help to him if he lets you.  Hopefully your wrong but from experience your gut feeling is usually correct to some extent.  BUt you're only going to drive yourself crazy by going through his phone which i wouldnt mention when you do talk to him if you dont have to bc then hell feel youve invaded his privacy.  Again i can be good at giving advice but for myself i can never seem to approach anything rationally. Funny how that works. I wish you luck with this situation and hope that in the end it works out for you :-)

[Trudy321]

Hi, thanks for all your advice. Ive now found messages to his dealer but I can't workout if it's weed or heroin. Says it's fresh, nice and sticky. And also standard and drier. I've been in this world before but when you're out of the loop it's so hard knowing what's going on. It's just so sad cause wot ever it is I can see he spent £110 on it in 10days!!! What a waste of money and life ...

[xolaurenxx]

Check his arms. Does he have needle marks? If he is snorting it you would probably be able to see the powder in his nose. If you have experience with heroin users and you see the same kind of symptoms in him, I would trust your gut. Just ask him about it, he is your boyfriend.

[IBKleen]

Did you ask yourself the questions I posed?

[Trudy321]

He's done it again today. Only answered a couple of texts and been offline for 8hrs. I know for a fact he's not working today too. Something's definitely up....

[IBKleen]

Let's say he isn't using heroin (which I believe he is)...do you think his behavior is strange? Do you think his lifestyle is strange? Is this what you want in a partner? Is this the role model you want for your children? Ask yourself these questions...

[Trudy321]

I want to be sure first before I do anything drastic. Once I know for sure though I will because I have a lot I want to do with my life. It's how to find out I'm unsure about (besides asking and this I know he will deny it). Maybe the more I hear to get away from the situation from people who are knowledgable on the subject the more it will sink in. Thank you IBKleen.

[IBKleen]

If you think he is using he probably is. Good advice. It is time to make changes. You don't want this for your children. You don't want this for you. It is time for YOU to get well.

[Trudy321]

Thanks for your reply jifmoc, it's nice to hear I'm not imagining things. It's so horrible not trusting someone but when the signs are there I feel like I'm being torn in two on what to believe.  I have considered Al Anon I the past, maybe now is the time to make the effort and go to see how others are affected by similar situations.  
Your advice is good and I do have decisions to make but I will try and ask him when I get the chance. Thank you ...

[jifmoc]

Hi, there. Hang tight because it's late at night and you will get more responses  later. The symptoms: going # 2, sniffing, yawning are all symptoms of opiate withdrawl. Usually, when someone suspect's using, they are correct. I would suggest calming asking him, just once. If he denies it, which is likely, then you have some decisions to make.

Since your bf is an alcoholic, that means he needs to be completely clean and working a program. When we aren't, we go back to our drug of choice or substitute a different drug, which it sounds like he is doing. You can only take care of yourself. I am very glad to hear that you have kept your own residence and have kept your children away from this, that is excellent. I cannot recommend alanon enough to you. You will be w/ folks that are being hurt, confused, baffled by the behavior of an alcoholic/addict. And you will gain a new perspective on your own life. Best of all, you will learn how to fell calm while loving an addict.

Stick around and keep posting:)