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need support....

I been addicted to pain pills for over a year my mother induce it to me when I take it I feel so good like I'm super mom and I'm on top of the world I love the feeling it give me. Its Like a in and off affair I been trying to get clean but only relapse the good thing about it I don't have withdrawals I just angry...and drepress..today is day 2 please I need a friend someone I can talk to
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Avatar universal
Thank you very much...before I relapse I was clean for a week and I must say..I felt great wonderful...I went backwards and feel really guilty
Helpful - 0
1742220 tn?1331356727
hey ms brown, i hope you keep trying to get clean and don't get more pills.  15 a night that is a lot!!!  stop now before it gets any worse.  yes, the pills and depression is a vicious circle, its hard to know which is driving which.  in the beginning you will feel down a lot because of the withdrawals, but see it through!!!  its so worth it and you can get back to being the person you were, the person you want to be.  two days is great!  you are doing it!!  keep going, we are here to support you !!!  :)
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Avatar universal
Thank you...I'm not going to lie I did run out of pills but I really want to get clean I really do...if not for me but my kids my hubby said....you change...you not the same person I meet 12 years ago...and its true...I just hate my life so.much..I don't know if its depression or the pills making me feel like this
Helpful - 0
1926359 tn?1331588139
I know it's hard.  Hours 48-72 are typically the hardest.  The most important thing right now is to cut off any access you might have to the pills.  You don't want to go backwards.  You have to understand that what you feel right now is the result of the damage the pills have done to your brain and body.  So taking more won't help, and you'll only find yourself back here- except next time it will be harder.
This is why the three tiered approach is necessary.
1. Cut access/sources
2. Tell someone
3. Seek aftercare.

Your problems and pains will only get worse the longer you use.  I know lots of addicts who have lost everything, many of them their lives.  Trust me, you should look at the silver lining whenever possible.  Those pills are poison to you.  The best thing you can ever do is get clean, and learn to live life sober.  Living on pills, is not really living.

Keep yourself occupied with funny movies or TV.  Try to move around as much as possible so you rest easier at night.  I gotta be honest with you here- You gotta really want this.  Your desire to be clean must outweigh your desire to use.

Can I ask- did you run out of pills, or was this a choice to stop?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you...I been in bed for 2days all I can think of the pills and how much it will make my problems and pain go away this is the hardest thing I'm going through
Helpful - 0
1926359 tn?1331588139
Hi And Welcome-

I understand.  You would not BELIEVE how many women we have come on this forum and speak the words you just spoke.  Women that are trying to function and take care of a family, and the pills give them the boost they need.  The thing is, this is short lived.  What happens is they turn on you.  Soon you will not get that boost anymore, so you will take more and more (and 15 pills is high, so you've obviously realized how fast your tolerance grows) Soon you're taking them just to not go through withdrawals.  Addiction is a degenerative disease so you either end up dead, in institutions or jail.  So many members of this forum, and in my real life support group end up committing crimes to feed their habits.  We begin to do things that are out of character for us- lying and scheming to feed our habits.  It ALWAYS ends badly until we get off the merry go round, get honest with ourselves and others, humble ourselves and ask for help.

It is difficult to learn to live life on life's terms.  We are able to cover up a lot of unpleasant emotions and truths while using- but they always emerge.  What you need to know is that you CAN stop this vicious cycle.  You CAN learn to live clean and sober and be at peace with it.  It is a journey, and it does require work.  But it is SO worth it and so are you.  There is a true self confidence that comes from living a life of recovery.  You can achieve anything that your heart desires.

I would strongly recommend you to confide in a loved one- husband, family, friend.  You need help, no one does this alone and no one has to.  Aftercare is essential.  There are many free support systems for addicts.  NA/AA, SMART recovery, and Celebrate recovery to name a few.  There is Outpatient Rehab, addictions counseling, CBT.  Personally, I was on opiates for medical reasons.  But after suffering some extreme trauma from medical procedures and an abusive marriage, I began to abuse my meds.  I sought help here first.  Then I listened and did a lot of research and ended up doing SMART recovery, addictions counseling, CBT, and EMDR for my PTSD.  It was the best thing I have EVER done for myself.  And I thank God every day that I found this site and ALL of the advice that was given to me.  It saved my life, and for the first time in years I began to not just survive, but to THRIVE.
I want this for you, for everyone.  I know things seem dark right now but the opiates mess with your brain chemistry big time.  Think about what you want out of life.  What kind of person you want to be, what kind of mother.  The pills are not going to lead you anywhere good, my lovely.
You deserve better.
You CAN and WILL learn how to live life without pills.  You gotta believe in yourself.

We will all be here, cheering you on.
Lu
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
That's the problem it seem like I can't function without the drugs it like....I must have it.....I need it....I don't know how to live life without it
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Avatar universal
I'm sorry...my drug of choice is vicodins sometimes oxy take up to 15 pills a night...I take them only at night not during the day thank you Robin I need that support please comment back I'm 28 with 4 kids and trying hard to stay on track
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi honey and welcome.

How old are you and exactly what are you taking?  And how much (mgs) per day?  2 days is a GREAT start, but if you can tell us more about your usage, we can give you a better idea of what you are in for.

IMO, we take drugs for 3 reasons:  To Reward, to Relax and to Escape.  The problem is, once we take the drug away, the need that they satisfied is still there.  

We can support you thru the withdrawals and detox, but the big question is:  How will you function with these pills?   How will you navigate your way thru your daily life and world with just YOU...no chemicals?  

But maybe I'm jumping ahead of myself.  I think its good you want to stop.  Trust me, its a BAD ROAD.  NO matter how fantastic the opiates make you feel, its a lie...a big, awful LIE.   I just had my yearly physical, and my doctor commented "I can't wait to see your blood work now that you are almost two months off pain pills."  I asked why?  He said (and these are his exact words) "opiates affect EVERYTHING in your body."  

You can't live a healthy life chasing the high that the pills provide...or the pain relief, or any other reason....

Stay with us, sweetie...you are likely to feel some unpleasant symptoms if you stay totally clean in the next 3-5 days.

Please post again...lots of friendship and support here.   And you can call me,
-Robin...(wink)
Helpful - 0
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