Hello everyone, it is Sunday evening here in Australia and I took the last of my tablets about an hour ago - tomorrow is my umpteenth attempt at going cold turkey off approximately 400mg of codeine per day, bought over the counter here in australia (about 10mg of codeine per tablet, mixed with 200mg of ibuprofen or 500mg acetominophen).
I don't really know why I havn't been able to make it during the past 10 months of pretty regular trying, except to guess that the addicted side is stronger than the side that wants to stop - I know and admit that I have not fought hard enough to stay clean, either because the consequences of the pills have not been severe enough yet or because whatever they "give" me is sufficiently compelling that I am willing to put up with the pain. I think its the second option - I have developed health problems, my work and life have suffered, I feel like I am pi**sing my life up against the wall, I hate my guts more and more - yet that five minutes of fuzzy warm "happiness" when the pills hit, and the sense of knowing that no matter what happens in my day, I have my pills to look forward to or comfort me somehow, keep me hooked.
The one benefit of having tried so often and failed so often is that I know what NOT to do. So my instructions to myself for tomorrow are very simple: I have all my vits/supplements/immodium/magnesium etc organised, I am dressing in layers to accommodate the hot and cold flushes, I am going to work all week but I have cleared all big projects so it will be just busy work to remain occupied. And most importantly, as soon as a pill thought comes to the brain, kill it, immediately. I always come undone becase at some point in the detox I begin to negotiate with my addicted brain - it suggests a tablet, and I engage in the debate, and so of course I am gone. My instructions for tomorrow are to not think about anythign tablet related - if a thought or craving comes, slap it down and keep busy and distracted. No matter how ill I feel, no tablets. No matter how bored, restless, hopeless, pessimistic etc - no tablets. Avoid entering any pharmacies. Don't think.
Wishing everyone who is currently detoxing a restful night, may you notch up another day clean, hang in there.
Alexandra Fox