ouch...my heart hurts

[worried878]

I had a procedure done on my neck on friday after work....he wrote my regular scripts and said you may need these for a week or so....30 tabs...he is very cautious with meds and there are no refills...I didnt take any friday night as I was numb...sat i did.... took 4...sunday...took 6.....Monday took 4 (starting to worry)...today i took six (worrying but doing it anyway) and my neck is not hurting bad enough anymore to warrant it...This is when I said "laura u r taking close to your old dose already this quick and u r taking them for the wrong reasons"  i could have made it without them...I got on here and read tobys taper cries for help and a few other horror stories and I just flushed them/what was left,,,,my brain was saying "save a few for that party saturday"  stuff like that ...I did have a procedure and he does give them for pain after the injections to the joints...but i coulda made it without them...I dont want to claim this behavior as a medical necessity...i would not have died without them.........bye bye pink pills...AGAIN!  I have to work the rest of the week so I do hope i dont get alot of physical stuff...but i may...what have i done to myself....started to feel shaky and feeling like i want to start back and go buy a buttload of those puppies...i thought i was stronger than this..

[worried878]

Home for lunch...my neck is hurting a bit but i am still glad i flushed those pills....i am putting ice on it and gonna try and not let this get me down....it makes you feel like suck a weak person to have no control over something...i do not like that feeling at all...i start thinking weird when i take those things...it is not me....they change me and i wonder why some people never have this happen to them after taking those grubby little things....oh well...it happens to me and i will have to deal with it...thanks guys and gals

[worried878]

I wont accept the RX at all....I would rather hurt for a couple of days than chance this again...i was getting close to going back as i would find myself thinking of getting more...i just have to accept that i will control the pain with something else and not narcotics as they dont help much anymore anyway...thanks

[Rose703]

I'm so glad that you got rid of those nasty things!! Don't feel bad about taking them because next time you will know to either give them to some one else to dispense to you or just not even accept RX at all.

[VOsRose]

You WILL be okay.  I promise.  As far as your wondering "If I have them, I will take them...will that ever change?"  The answer is "NO".  It will never change.  Well, let me requalify that...you may not take them (you didn't this time) but the DESIRE to take them, and get more, will always be there.  Addiction is a progressive disease and while you may be able to control your usage for a while, it will always win in the end.  The only way to FOR SURE avoid relapse is total abstinence.  Just like, as girls we were told the only way to FOR SURE avoid pregnancy was total abstinence.  Good luck!

Rosie

[worried878]

Last night I woke up soak and wet...now I know it is not WDs cos I took some yesterday...like rose said...probably psychosomatic...for some reason while i was takint them those 4 days I kinda felt like i was in wds again...would get clammy and anxious....i am up and off to work and feel prtty good this morning...I just got scared as i can see how easily i could have finished those and kept getting more...if i hvae them...i will take them...not buts about it...i wonder if that will ever change....thanks for your support  

[VOsRose]

It's good that you had the strength to do that.  I can tell you from personal experience, I've never been strong enough.  To insure that I don't get any, I've told all my Drs. that I was once addicted to opiates and please don't prescribe any.  This was after many, many relapses.  I, too, was (and still could be) given them for legitimate medical reasons.  I have recurrent kidney stones and severe (at times) joint and muscle pain due to Systemic Lupus.  I ALWAYS end up in a relapse (sometimes lasting months...sometimes years) when I get a script for 30 for medical reasons.  It's NEVER enough for me.  NEVER.  

GOOD JOB ON FLUSING!!!!!!

Now...you will not suffer any physical withdrawals from that small amount/time.  You MAY feel some physical w/d like symptoms.  If you do...it will be psychosomatic, so just keep that mind.  The brain is a potent thing and can make you feel lots of things that aren't real.  Just don't freak out or expect to be sick and you won't!  

Again, congratulations...you definately did the right thing.  Hang in there...and stay this strong the next time you're tested, also.  It will get a little easier as you get some time/distance from your last detox.

Rosie

[bubbaganoosh]

Think how crappy you felt before :)

[kittykat58]

I flushed meds I had once (~12-7.5 vics) down the toilet a few days after a surgical procedure b/c I knew I was getting hooked and knew I was basically ok...I cried after I flushed them. it's really insane how much your brain tells you the THESE ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN THE WORLD....and if you dump them, your body and emotions go into a kind of wild rebellion and horror, like if you accidently dropped your kid off a bridge....

[tobybear]

Glad to hear that you flushed them.  I will have the courage to do the same sooner than later I hope.    Now go and get busy so that you won't think about them. Later.

Tobybear

[allaboutmary]

I am so proud of you for flushing the rest of them.  I'm not sure I could have done that.  Even though you slipped a little , you caught it early and showed tremendous strength. You should be very, very proud. Hugs,  Mary

[chef4u]

You are not a Loser!!! just get back on the horse!!! dont beat yourself up that starts the cycle as addicts we are the hardest on our selves which leads us to destrutive behavior you did well and stopped before they got a hold of you!! you were in control my flushing them and just by admiting what you did means your in a good place I know when I was heavy using I didnt admit anything!!
God Bless

[enemy48]

Worried!  OMG!  I think it only takes about 10 days to become addicted again.  I read that on here. Please!  You don't want the w/d's again!

I didn't know about your neck!  I'm so sorry.  I wonder too if one day I will have a surgery and need the pain relief.

Please be careful sweetie.  Luve U.

[worried878]

cool!

[cathy5841]

BTW  i had no w/ds so you should be okay

[worried878]

Okay...well I flushed after 4 days...so i did ok and i am glad there are no refills...thanx...just feel like such a loser

[cathy5841]

i would have if i had not given my hubby my pills after surgery.  i know i would still be taking them cuz the dr said most ppl take them for 6 months after joint surgery.  i would have been high and loving it. lol  so i flushed after 5 days and took 800 ml ibuprofen.  my hubby was too smart to trust me. lol

[GoingToMakeIt]

Fortunately, no, but I haven't had a real bad pain that warrants an Rx yet. I would probably be just like you.

[worried878]

thanks lucy...i sure hope it does not set me back...i cant afford to miss work right now...thanx

[worried878]

I meant that I hope i dont have WDs...i know i did the right thing...thanks gtm,,cathy you are so sweet...have you guys ever screwed up like that?

[lucyred68]

good job, Hun.  you are strong and you just proved it to yourself.  you shouldn't have much wd's cause it was only a very short time you took them.  just take it as a lesson learned and move on.  been there, done that, got the t-shirt!!!

Lucy

[worried878]

I hope not....worried about it tho....i just felt sick about doing it and it was not worth it...i hope i am not sick tomorrow or the next day but if i am i guess i deserve it...I just do not want to start all over with the physical mental thing...i see now that i can not take them...i was goonna take like just a couple for a few days after the procedure and here is tuesday and it is not even hurting and i know i woulda taken them again tomorrow if i kept them

[GoingToMakeIt]

You know you did the right thing. Good going.

[cathy5841]

worried i am so sorry.  i know that feeling,  but you flushed them and that  is great.  you know the dangers and you stopped it from happening.  you should not get too much physical.  you know i am here if you need to talk about it.
love ya girl
cathy