overdose? i know im an idiot

[brodie22]

i took around 15 x 20mg lexapro last saturday and then took 28 x 20mg lexapro the saturday just gone - i know - stupid - just one of those ****** weeks where i made bad decisions...just worried about long term effects - i cant sleep and have a bit of a fever - but i was expecting these things - a bit worried about the fact im having diffuctly urinating and when i finally can its stop start....any clues please would be really appreciated - i dont want to go to the hospital and miss another day of work if i dont have to - i am so close to being fired

[Whollymolythathurt]

Hang in there Brodie.  If you can do what you just described you can get through this.  It took a lot of courage to ask for another doc and not just walk out and go home.  Good for you.

Keep up the fight & keep posting

[vicki595]

It's horrible to be judged like that Brodie...and I'm sorry about those people but what can you do?  We live and we learn right?

So tomorrow you'll see your regular doctor, is that right? Focus on getting that health plan together so you stop hurting yourself like this...

Are you safe right now? Any pills nearby?  Try to get some sleep or just rest until tomorrow, okay?  You need some help and you're trying to get it. Be proud of that because you're stronger than you realize.  

[brodie22]

i have a tendency to say something sarcastic during most important time in my life - it annoys others, but i think im hilarious :) i definatley was not blaming lexapro - please dont anyone think that - i just ook too many - and coz there not cheap and im not rich - i made a quip about the box being gone...my bad if insensitive - i do have to think before typing sometimes, thanks again for your support, i really really appreciated just knowing i could come back here

[brodie22]

i am aware of how long and badly spelt / spaced it is - but i had to tell people that would know how in shock and in disbelief and ashamed i was

even if i had overdosed on an illegal drug - why is it to them to know how or why

i am so appalled - but so proud to see the smile on my partners face when i told him it was something that really could have broken me - but i see their smug faces judging me -

and i know - i know how i treat myself and how i speak to myself now - they were like a mirror image of my lack of respect for myself and lack of confidence - and i dont want to look like them - not one bit

[brodie22]

yesterdays doctor visit was my version of hell - background on me - i havnt left my house in 7 days and after not sleeping for 3 days because of my stupid lexapro act - im obviously feeling pretty precious about going to a doc i dont know to tell him all this, but my partner said, just go in there, and even write down what you have taken so you dont feel pressure - i did, and i really appreciated that idea, because i guess everyone here knows what its like to tell 1 stranger how you feel, let alone go through the story again and again - i find explaining how upset i get - makes me more upset, and at least i dont feel like ive missed something if its jotted own when im obviously dazed...

this is long - but if i really wan t to share this with .... well....anyone!

he calls my name - i walk in - i am quiet shaky - not agitated - but the lexapro was still kicking my *** at this stage - so i said straight away, "sorry if i am a little shaky, i havtn slept and that is whys im here i guess...i took too may tablets, and just wanted a doctor to check on ....."

thats as far as i got - he had not looked me in the eye once after he saw i was shaky - had already printed off a drug and alcohol test and scribbled the helpline on a scrap of paper - and  handed them to me.

i looked at him and said but you dont even know what i took - i havnt even explained a symptom, i have the list here in case that......

again he let me get that far and stood up as if to finish the appointment.

i started crying and said "i just wanted to make sure that i am physically ok and hopefully get a referral to a.......

as far as i got

him: "go to the hospital then"
me"i dont understand why this is hard, i came here for help and you are being so horrible,i even wrote a list so you dont have to deal with my mixed up talking...."

"well go to the hospital"

istood in the doorway crying as he closed it - everyone in the waiting room (massive wiaiting room) can see me & i have no idea what im supposed to do next.

i go to the front desk and ask if he is a registered doctor and she said of course he has been 20 years - i was upset and in shock and embarrassed - but i wasnt going home to worry again - so i said "coul i please see another doctor as soon as possible - i came here to seek medical advice and im trying to get some help, however, that doctor wouldnt let me say anyhting to him...

she said ok

next doctor called me in - im still crying - he has obviously spoken to the previous doctor - and decided that im a meth addict after drugs or something - and he goes "so what can i do that doctor """" could not hmmm?

i said - i am trying really hard here not to just leave - but i am asking for help - can you please just listen to what i have to say before pushing me out the door.

he smiled at me like i was a little kid needing a nap and said ok

i gave him what i had written down, HE WASNT EVEN GOING TO TAKE IT OUT OF MY HANDS! i said your a better reader than i am a speaker right now, please just look at it, and l would like to tell you my symptoms afterward if that is also ok before i leave"

i wasnt being rude - or angry or aything - i was too freaking tired and upset to even manage it

he takes the things i had written and looks up at me and says - are you on lexapro currently? i said yes - he said well no wonder you dont feel well this is a lot - and kept reading over the list again and again

i said - sorry did i forget to jot down the herion and speed you thought would be on the list - and he looked genuinly sorry so i just said - could you please send me for a blood and urine test so i can leave you alone to your next patient - and dont judge people like that - i feel disgusting - and if next time a women or man comes in suffering from lack of sleep and has "overdosed" on something - you dont know who they are -

i left the surgery - bawled my eyes out hystercally for 30 minutes - then drove home and called the director of the medical campus - and i promise i will see this through - i told them i dont want anyone fired - but if i had of been one little itsy tiny bit weaker i would have just gone home and tried to do something else - and i felt so hurt by the people you go to when  your not well and embarrassed and betrayed.

i had to share - because once i got home and wiped the tears - it was like i had to get help just to **** them off - like "hey - your not allowed to hate me more than i do!"

so im off to my normal gp at 12 - and i must say - i will not leave his office until i have a suitable - and within a reasonable time frame - mental health plan.

after the way two medcal proffesionals looked at me yesterday - i am keeping those looks planted in my memory every time i feellike backing down or like not going to the appointment - or that trying a new antidepressant is too hard - not as hard as that day - no way in hell

[vicki595]

That's god to know...Are you doing okay?