my vicadin addiction

[crazyk31]

I have been taking vicadine 10s for about 1.5 years at first taking them as prescribed and then moving to buying them off the street. I am on day two and all i have been able to do is sleep and i have had really bad diarria. the worst part is that I have kept it from my family so my girlfreind and son have no idea. i am going to go through this by myself. I cant stand to take them anymore as i have to take more and more of them to get the "high" i guess. I want to stop for my myself and my family. I was taking 6 at a time twice a day. How long will these effects last and will i ever feel normal again? I ws reading that long term use causes the brain to stop making euphorics. does that mean forever or just tmperorarly tell im over the addiction..makes me want to cry if i cant have my happy life that i used to have back. I want to be normal. I want my life to be meaningful again. i am tearing up as i am typing this it is so important to me and i am all by meself. please tell me I can be me again eventually that is what matters to me most. to think that i may have mesed myself up for life is the worst thing i could think of.

[lostsoul30]

be strong! When you think of using pick up your child and hug them and know thats a reason to not use! Another thing, People, places and things, You should get rid of them this might make it easier on you hun. Good luck to you and strong positive vibes coming your way!!! Be Strong!!!

[pillfree21]

Hang in there guy, and keep the fighting spirit.  Don't be too hard on yourself or too easy.  I would really suggest that you come clean to your girlfriend, she could really become a source of strength for you and you stated she knows something already.  It will be really hard to kick an opiate addiction living with someone who does not know, that will be a huge weight off your back.

I actually had to change my cell number to keep my contacts from reaching me with tempting calls and deals...take as many necessary steps as possible to give yourself the best chance for recovery.

[tramsbite]

Good. I bet he will be your rock. Stay strong!

[crazyk31]

im going to try my hardest and im thinking about telling my dad ive always been able to depend on him when i need it never for this sort of thing but i think he will help me regardless. ive been distant from him these last few years and maybe this will be a way to reconnect. maybe he will understand more when he knows about my hidden demon

[tramsbite]

It's easy to relapse. Get back on board. Go back and re-read wha you wrote about your girlfriend and your son. Get your strength back. Then cut your ties to your connections. The connections will never let you go and keep calling your name. You have to be stronger. You can do this!

[crazyk31]

well my connect called and it was instinct for me to get some more. my god what has happened to me..one moment im pouring my heart out and the next im back to square one. its like for a second when i was on the phone i forgot all about my feelings i had just moments before and all i cared about was my pills. I feel like i just wasted your time and i am sorry. I am so disgusted with myself. and i have to be at work in one hour and i ama mess. im looking at these stupid things right now i havent taken it yet and im tearing up like a little girl. this really really ***** and i cant even see the keyboard anymore so im going to stop typingg

[tramsbite]

You are correct. She does not know exactly what the problem is but she knows there is a problem. Honesty is always best but if you can't take the hurt in her eyes right now then let it be. But not telling her ever will make it easier for you to go back again. She can be your safety, so you don't fall.

As far as a failure I dont agree. You are making the first steps. That makes you stronger. The further you go towards being sober the stronger you become. A person who knows no adveristy may think themselves bulletproof, a person who struggles to overcome addiction knows better but is far wiser and stronger for the wear.

[crazyk31]

thank you im gonna do that. I was looking at a picture of my family before i turned the lights out and tried to sleep. this is so important. above the fact that it is good for me and my family too quit I cant afford it . I have been peicing my bills out through the month and its not fair to them. I am man who needs to take care of his family and all ive been for the last year is a failor. Even though i may think she doesnt know about my addiction I think she might deep down . we are on the edge of disaster and i dont want that to happen.

[tramsbite]

Also while I'm thinking of it. Try to have something meaningful to you close by at work to remind you of why your quitting. Maybe a keychain with your familys picture or anything similar to symbolize your reason. When you feel weak look at it, hold it and remind yourself that you are stronger than any pill will ever be.

[tramsbite]

I'm not going to lie. It's going to be extra hard on your to be at work since that was one of your using spots. I know it's not something you can avoid so you will have to force yourself to pull your mind off of the now normal drugs and bring it to actual work. Keep busy, stay confident. The drugs did not make you better, they made you worse even if you don't see it yet. I felt like superwoman. But looking back I was anything but. Be strong, you can and will make it thru this.

As for the xbox, I would give it up for a while. Find a new hobby during this time since you already have the stress of being at work. Get out and walk, go for a ride, sit in the park, do something to keep yourself busy.

Please keep us updated. I will be thinking of you and sending you strength vibes.

[crazyk31]

thank you I will definatly need it.. I took off  work yesterday I told them it was the flu but i have to work today. I am a server at a busy restaruant and i know its going to be hard but I have to make money for my family. I got into a habit of taking them at work as they gave me a fake confidence and energy. now i feel like without them im not going to be the same server. people may be dissapointed with the real me and i may lose money. i also have a bad habit of playing my xbox online and taking my pills which is by far my favorite thing to do in my freetime. I like playing online and have many cool freinds who play online all living in different parts of the world. because I have related playing with taking pills im I going to have to give that up to? I dont play very often maybe 6 hours a week so its not an addiction. just dont want to put myself in a position to relaspe.

[gnarly_1]

HI welcome to the forum....first off most people come back down to normal it may take a wile till your 100% again but you will get better....your habit wasn't that long so theirs very little chance you have done permanent brain damage I was on them for 10 yrs then 6 1/2 more years of methadone it took a wile but im back to normal right now you have to concentrate on getting threw the detox phase your going to be sick for a few more days its very unusasal that your sleeping expect that to stop here shortly insomnia is one of the biggest complaints hot bath help a lot with the aches and pains as well as the chills everybody finds a particular symptom worst then others in a few days the physical detox will be over then the mental mindscrew starts its good to have some form of aftercare lined up many people try and skip this only to wind up right back here detoxing again in a few months both N/A and A/A offer free programs theirs also addiction therapist as well as substance abuse conslors put something in place for the mental end of this as addicts we need to change the very way we thing to concur this thing....you can live a good life in recovery or  stay on the merry go round and keep cycling its up to you keep posting for support good luck and God bless......Gnarly
          

[tramsbite]

It does get better! You will get better. I am on day two of tramadol tapering and I know how hard the w/d hits. If you can't tell your family yet, you did the best thing by coming here. You have taken the first two steps, those are the worst. I'm sure you will find a huge support group here. Stay strong and I wish peace for you. I am here if you need a shoulder.
Lisa