Once again good morning

[Mikeinthesouth]

Once again to all of you another morning to wish you guys a good morning. Hope this finds you all well today or better than yesterday. I am what I am and it sucks right now so I'll just keep that to myself. I am still waiting so anxiously to see the horizon to actually look forward to a new day. I am trying my darndest to remember the anticipation of a new day what that feelings was like is so alien to me anymore. I wonder if I will ever be the human with emotions normal emotions ever agin. I have abused and used for so long now it is just second nature to me to reach for the fixer up before I open my eyes in the middle of the night or in the morning to reach for something to fix the ails in me before I brush my teeth shower or shave. How long??? I am seriously thinking of going to admit myself in rehab so I don't cave in again to the voice calling my name. I'd even be satisfied to just sit in here and smoke a bowl of opium and be so unconscious I would disappear for a long long while. That to me is so sad and a sick thought for anyone and here I am thinking of it. This addiction is so powerful and nasty that I don't know if it is in me to ever kick it. I am trying struggling as best as I possibly can and am not using now for 5 full days and am working on six days clean. I want this with all that I am but I am weak in regards to this damn addiction. All else in my life I feel I am pretty strong and determined but to these emotions I am a weakling. They used to say that the opium were the tears of aphrodite and using was like kissing God's cheek. WHy did they not mention that the tears were tears of pain from the addiction or to actually kiss God we had to be dead to be in his presence. I am here and holding out for now waiting for this to end sooner or later hopefully sooner than later. Mike is smiling and waiting to laugh today. Love to all of you, Michael

[taytay90]

hey mike, like everyone else has said, keep hanging in there. i had to go to rehab myself and at the time i didn't think it did any good. but looking back 18 months later i realize that it saved my life. i really don't know what you've been using but i had been injecting dilaudid, morphine and demerol when i went into rehab. withdrawal was pure hell but being able to talk about my problem and why i was using turned out to be helpful in the long run. i can now identify my triggers and avoid them as best as possible. it's been a long hard road but i'm glad i stuck it out. you can do it too. i'm here if you need me. i'll be gone for several hours today. i've got a 6 hour road trip with 3 kids to go on. fun, fun, fun. but i'll be back tonight and i'll check on you. i'm not leaving until around 3pm eastern time if you need to pm me. be proud of yourself for making it this far, i know i am.

[confused456]

Morning Mike!!!

I really am happy for you to be at 5 days!! Congratulations!!

Keep hanging in there!!

[poetrygirl1960]

If you are even thinking you should seek rehab, look in to it.  If you don't like what you find out you don't have to go, but at least you will be informed.

Oh, those emotions and feelings are going to come back, and when they do you will find it difficult to shut them up.  I remember that feeling of being numb and not having to really feel.  Actually it's really nice to be able to again.  

Five days of no use is incredible!  This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, give yourself a lot of credit for the courage you have shown.  It was almost a month before I really woke up and said "wow I'm actually glad to be here".  You will get there.  DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!

You are in my prayers and thoughts today,
Lisa

[cathy5841]

hey my friend mike.  i am glad you are holding on...all you need is to hold on by a thread and so you are dangling. lol  mike you know you can do this.  mentally it will do everything it can to break you.  just hold on.  day  6 means you are getting closer.  you know i am here if you need me.  much love and many prayers
cathy