day 11

[scaredmommie]

wel today was a good day in stayong clean, but i had such a very bad day, i was so sick all day , my kids acted up so bad which maade it worse then to top it off my husband really really hurt me tonight. im starting to wonder why im getting clean. i have made an effort to change but he still treats me like im using. it hurts. tonight he said he has a feeling i did something with this dude we know to get my pills, that really hurt me, i would never ever do that, that is sooooooo **** nasty. and he was yelling at me for all the oney i spent. all the money was well over 6 months ago. if he is gonna keep treating me like im still using, then why am i wastine my time, and energy getting clean. i havent stoped cryin for the past 2 hours. im hurting soooooooooooo bad inside right now. why did he start this tonight, we where doing so good, no fighting. can someone please help me understand. i didnt mess up or nuttin. why cant i ever just be happy for a long time, something always has to drag me down.

<3 chrissy

[dominosarah]

You being clean is what is important.  Your actions will speak louder than words.  Addiction is a family situation.  He is angry that this has happened and he may be scared too.  Try talking to him but you need to stay clean for you.  We seem to lash out at the one we love. The longer time you have clean the better the situation will be.  None of us started taking pills to become addicts.  Talk with him.  You will feel better.  Keep fighting hard.  Stay strong             sara

[scaredmommie]

ok im feeling a little better, stoped crying but still hurt, i wanna talk to him about it tomorow but im scared he may satrt on me again, see what gets me he knows im weak and i get hurt very easy, im a lover not a fighter. i love him so much, it hurt soooo bad, im sorry if im getting anouying but im just so hurt and dont know what to do to make it stop.

[scaredmommie]

thats the thing it wasnt about trust or anything, i didnt do anything i just asked him to get me something at the store. i know he is worried and all but to say the things he did there was no need for it,he wants me to do good but hurting me aint the way.

[scaredmommie]

sorry meant to write this also, i didnt even provoke him, we where at acme getting some things. i need orange juice to take away the taste of the sub. so we went to get that and we got some thing from the 10 for 10 sale, well i asked him if he could get stuff tomake androssa salad for me(that is like my all time fav food) he started geeting nasty saying about that we aint got much money, and then he started on me heavy when we got in the truck, he also said(im soooooooooo sorry for saying this) your lucky im still with you cause i dont like drug addicts, they make me sick. that hurt so bad when he said that. im sorry im a ex drug addict now for one, and to say that to someone who is trying there best to stay clean, which is what he wanted really bad. who can be that cold hearted specialy to the one they are sappost to love to death. i just wanna stop crying, i wanna stop hurting, but i cant it really really hurt, some one please help me, make the pain go away,

S. sorry for 2 posting my mind aint ok right now and sorry if im not making any sense

[GoingToMakeIt]

First of all, don't let it get to you. At day 11, you are still too fragile in your recovery. Emotions are still all over the place. Give your hubby time. You do need to prove yourself. If things were reversed, do you really think that you would trust him after 11 days? I am sorry he said those hurtful things. Try to sleep on it and then have a heart to heart if possible.
Good job on 11 days.