Newbie

[lovemysons222]

I am new to this website. I need other people that I can relate to. My son is a heroin addict and is in jail for a few months. I put him in a Christian rehab program and 12 days later he walked away. He was then picked up for breaking probation. I can rest while he is in jail because I know he is safer than on the streets. I am constantly worried about him when he is out. I offered to find another program and he would rather stay in jail because he can get out sooner. He told the nurse and officers that he will use again when he gets out. He will be 24 in May. There is nothing that I can do, but I fear for his life. I love him so much that his decisions are hurting me terribly. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions? Thanks

[lookingup53]

My son is 29 & now using heroin. At age 10 or 11 his dad gave him crack cocaine & I've had him in every rehab available since then. He's been in and out of jail, dui's etc. Used almost everything. This past year I went for counseling. I can't enable him anymore. I feel that my son is a Christian that cannot stand up to the drug demon that haunts him. My heart hurts for him but I've got to step back and let him have his life and totally make his decisions. Everything I've done so far has not helped him but I did give him the tools he needs to live a good life. That's all I can do as a mother and pray that God does what is best for him. Please give counseling a try for yourself. I had to try several counselors until I felt comfortable.

[IBKleen]

Hi Mom,

Don't worry about the poll thing--they are very confusing and not really meant for this community. They make no sense here so pardon me that I don't respond to it.

It is very sad when I see someone so young and so full of life fall victim to the disease of addiction. I too abused Heroin for the better part of 20 years but have been clean from it for 22-1/2 years. Getting clean, and staying clean, was no easy task by any means.

I did exactly what your son is doing. I told everyone I did not have a problem. In fact, I told them that the problem was THEM and if they could just leave me alone I would be okay. I had a college education, a beautiful home, a new car, a family who loved me and a husband but none of that mattered. All I wanted was the drug.

Long story short, it took me 3 rehabs and 4 jail stints to get clean. My last arrest was the worst--several felony counts which carried with it a 7 year sentence. My attorney made a deal and I again went to rehab. I kicked and screamed and fought the whole way against a couple months in treatment as opposed to a couple of years in prison.

Shortly after being in treatment for what I pray was the last time, I woke up---I guess you could say and I got humble. Instead of fighting and cursing out the people who were helping me, I began begging them to save my life. By the end of my stay I begged to let me stay longer. I wanted to stay clean more than anything and I did--I fought for it.

I tell you all of this to let you know your son may come to that place when he surrenders, but until then there is absolutely nothing on earth that you can say to change his mind right now. Nothing. He is safe in jail, as sad as that sounds. He has almost two months left in there and you need to pray that he sees the light, for lack of a better term.

Things like begging, yelling, threatening, etc. do not work with addicts. They surely did not work with me and I sense your son is much the same way. You cannot get clean for him and you cannot force him to get clean until he is ready. All you can do is pray and be there for him without enabling him. Let me know that you don't agree with his life choices and that you will not support them but if he chooses to make changes, you will be there. Then take care of yourself. The rest is out of your hands.

I am sorry that I could say anything more encouraging right now. I do not want to sugar coast this or lie to you.

Did they offer family counseling at the center he was at? If so, it may be in your best interest to go and help yourself. If not, there is a wonderful group in Al-Anon and they can help you to learn to live while loving an addict.

I wish you the best---both of you--and I will pray for you. Please stay with us and keep talking. If you have any questions certainly ask them, someone will help you if they can.

[GMcp]

hi,
what the poll for?
and it is so hard dealing with a heroin addict, i was one for years, been clean for almost 9 years, im lucky i got clean i was in it bad, but i found out i was pregnant and never touched the stuff again, but my ex husband on the other hand was in it even worse than i and had no baby in him, heh, but he got clean too! it can happen, you must let him hit rock bottom first, thats hard because you worrie about over dose, and yes him being in jail is good, jail is the worst place to detox! he may come out clean and never wanna go thought that w/d again, but he could get out and go right back to it, you would then have to make a choice to let him in and condone it, or kick him outa your life till he tells you he wants help. my parents did that and it helped and same with my ex husbands parents, you are not alone, if you have and questions i do have experience with this in alot of ways, so you can in box me if you want to talk more about it

[lovemysons222]

I did not mean to make this a poll. Uncertain how to post here.  Help!