slow progress is still progress

[bama88]

It's been one week since I've admitted I'm an addict. I know this is nothing to celebrate but it really is. I've had a hard time just accepting those words and what they really mean. I thought I could just put the pills down go threw the physical.detox and bam be well again. I was wrong. This disease will lie lie lie to our minds. I broke down after three days and took a pill. Justifying it was a tiny amount. Then my addicted mind talked to me. And I justified tapering. It didn't help my detox. And it gave me mental problems. Mostly guilt and anger. And all of you talked.since in me. Made me realize how deep I was bound by addiction. Thanks for caring even if I didn't like what ya all.said.  

[ImDONENoMore]

you rock bama - thanks for the smile - now go get that haircut and SPOIL yourself.  You've earned it.  (but remember the REAL reward is NOT taking those f'g pills anymore.)

[bama88]

I am gonna get my hair done this weekend. I'm sending out a message to all my girls. We need to do something just for ourselves. I've let myself go. And ya know you did too. It's time to reclaim ourselves. Buy yourself a new pair of shoes. Get your nails done. Spoil yourself. We deserve it. And its money well spent instead of on drugs. Oh don't say its Christmas and the kids.. nope. You deserve a present too. Even if you gotta buy it

[dempseysgirl]

Hi Bama,

that is so great! I am so proud of you! I am right behind you.. I did not end up taking anything before the court hearing I had to attend for work, which is what I planned for if I got too sick.. so that means that I have not taken anything for 48 hours. I did not get sick at all though yet, which worries  me a little. Normally, I would get withdrawals after 24-30 hours.. I think that the suboxone was so strong that it has kept me without any symptoms for two days already. It is weird, but it's the only explanation. Either way, I am ready for what ever comes.. If you did it, than I should be just fine.. I am not going to take another pill, period.

[lindseyannx]

You know what - that is a big step.  And I'm glad to see you changing yourself.  I'm really proud of you.  One of the hardest parts besides quitting is actually admitting it. You've already taken a big step. I'm here for you... I know it's not easy but it's the best thing you can do for yourself.

[starcat29]

god i can t wait for one week in reality i am like 2 weeks or so cause i been out since nov 16 but i took other pills to get me threw and i haven t had a pill in 3 days it is hard but i like knowing one day i will be here writing my story and showing the happiness of being away from pills i can t wait i know i can do this.I want a fresh start nexts year i will have it.O yeah by the way my husband keeps saying just call your doctor and get pills i keep saying no i did call for motrin cause i see some people do take them and they use to work for me before the pain pills so i hope i can get them i have chrons and i am not suppose to take motrin but i will to get off this crazy pill good luck bama88

[ricart70]

You are doing so good! keept it up.You have a great attitude.I am dealing with some pretty bad pain right now myself(tooth dying).Just hang in there.It will get way better soon.

[bama88]

Sorry about my phone. But stay strong everyone. Just knowing I beat this one day at a time is enough for me. I'm still.sick. still. But I'm alive I quit throwing up. That's the worst for me. Nothing stops.that. I'm never ever gonna touch oxies again. I dont care what surg. I have to hace

[bama88]

Guys I made it through a week. I'm so proud of myself. This was and still is hard. I'm learning to deal with my pain. It's not easy at all. I never ever thought I could.make it. To dempseygirl don't let your friend bring you down. Addicts want to hurt us that try. I've found out it doesn't matter if you take one or more if your addic

[dempseysgirl]

Hi Bama,

I don't know if you remember me.. We exchanged few posts before Thanksgiving.. I just wanted to let you know that I decided to go cold turkey too. I tried tapering oxys and I failed.. Than I found an old friend who seemed cool when I shared my story with her. She came up with the idea of using soboxone to get off of oxys and got 6 doses for me with instructions on how to split it up to get off of it.. I took it yesterday and I got soooooo sick and high.. I was so mad.. I was throwing up all night. And I thought that soboxone was not suppose to get you high.. I really thought that it's something that doctors give you so you can get off of opiates.. Well, I learned my lesson.. that stuff is nasty and very strong.. When I told my friend today that I cannot take it beause it's not the right thing for someone with such low tollerance/addiction, she really hurt me.. She said that I talk just like an addict and that I am just making excuses so I can continue taking oxys.. That really hurts.. I tried to explain to her that suboxone is for people that have much higher addiction and that I cannot take it tomorrow since I have to go to court with client (for work).. I could tell that she did not believe me.. I am really sad that I don't have anyone now who believs in me.. I am all alone in this, just like you, bama.. except you at least don't have to hide your withdrawal symptoms from your husband.. I do. But I don't care. I am doing it. I have decided to go cold turnkey.. If you did it at 100mg a day, than I can do it too!! You gave me the courage to do it :-). I will take a quarter tomorrow before the court, so I don't look sick at the courthouse and after that that's it.. I will take week off from work and I will "go down" with the flu. I already told my fiance that I am getting little sick, so he will buy it.. Thank you, Bama.. for giving me the courage..

[vicki595]

It takes a little time for the depression to clear and you have to go after it. Exercise helps that tremendously but I know that's hard for you. The home life makes it difficult too!

He needs to pay for the Oxy's somehow without taking it away from the family. Like work overtime or something. Too bad you can't put a hold on his debit or credit cards!  

You need to keep your EYES ON THE PRIZE here! Don't let him guilt trip you!   It's his problem so forget him and work on you.

I agree the situation is extremely difficult...There's a gal I'm going to message to get in touch with you. Her husband was an addict and I think he went on Suboxone...

The depression will clear;you're still early here. The meds will begin to work. Are you taking B vitamins and extra C vitamins? It helps!

[bama88]

I.need words of encouragement. Im.so depressed. When will the blues leave.

[bama88]

I'm so so angry and hurt. And that made me crave and see how out of control.he really is

[Bkitty]

Im so happy that you made it a week girl!! congrats to you! Im sorry that your husband is behaving like that. He just isnt ready to quit them. Dont give in,,pain does get better over time. I know how tough this is for you to see him using. Keep up with the meetings because in the end its all about you,,your sobriety and your life. Im having difficulty as well in my marriage and I dont know where Im gonna end up either. But all I can do is focus on me right now. In time Ill have a clearer picture of what i need to do. One day at a time and keep it simple!~Bkitty

[bama88]

Omg.  I can't believe my husbands stupidity. Here I am battling for my life and he royally fxxx up. I mean check this lame story. I made it thru a hard hard day. The weather is miserable. Cold rainy damp. Really making me stiff and achey. I wanted a pill so so bad yesterday. I made it threw. I came so close to.calling doc so many times but stayed strong. I'm taking your word on the pain getting better. Ha i say your lieing..but I'm still staying clean. Anyways dummy husband got off work early and got really high. Then bought 10 oxies 30mg and lost them. Lost them...tried to say he was getting for me because I was hurting. Now that's pure bulxxxx. Because I never ever asked I'm a week clean. Whoo hoo. A whole week.he got these on the front and has to pay 150.00 Friday. Had the nerve to tell.me I don't have to pay. How does he figure that. It's still money out of the house. I don't think he's living about loosing them. He was too frantic. But damn. 150. At Christmastime. I'm so angry. Here he was going to meetings and does this. I don't know where this is taking our marriage. Why can't he suffer it out with me? When will he learn. I'm tired of his excuses it won't cost me. Yes it does. Thut's money out of the house either way.I've never ever lost pills. Ever. Is he getting so high he's stupid. Help me. It makes me mad. I usually am forgiving but this is twice he's done this in two weeks. Buying and loosing. I know when he looses something he goes into hyper.frantic looking mode. Then he told me if i hadn't flushed mine he wouldn't have to look on streets. I didn't make him do that. I'm too busy fighting my own battle of craving. I can get them thru insurance. But I'm done. I am a week clean. I've never made it this far. The meetings really help.

[vicki595]

Did you just violate a rule of grammar by speaking parenthetically inside parentheses? HAHAHAHA!

Yeah...that plan sounds good to me,too!!   I know how to do comfort!!

[ImDONENoMore]

OMG vicki if that is not the PERFECT plan I just don't know what..... (yes I am spoiled, well actually no I'm not (a girl can wish though right?)... but I WILL pretend that I am!!  LOL!!!)

[vicki595]

Figures. You're so spoiled!

It's official I.cant move.  LMAO! Sorry; it just cracked me up reading that!

Heating pad and an electric blanket. I'm not kidding:
Hot bath
Warm up jammies in the dryer and have your husband bring them to you.
Then have him fix you a cup of tea and bring you Motrin.
Wrap up in the blanket and cover your knees with the heating pad.
Sit down and grab the remote...order dinner.

[ImDONENoMore]

They ARE heaven on earth - I've had many and they are amazing!!!!

[Bkitty]

~Get a massage bama!  Ive had 2 professional ones in the past and it was heaven on earth~

[bama88]

I've decided I want to treat myself to a massage. When all.my bones and muscles stop hurting I'm doing it. I've never had a professional massage

[ImDONENoMore]

YES you do need a heating pad - and a hot bath or a hot shower.  Those are the things that "regular" people do when they're in pain.  And they work.  (course I didn't believe it either til I tried it)

[bama88]

It's official I.cant move. Im.super stiff. The weather is cold and damp playing havoc with my joints I'm still hurting more by the hour. It will be a miricle if I make it. Two more hours of a stiff chair. I need a heating pad.

[vicki595]

Beautiful Sweetie...

You know, I was thinking yesterday that it might just be great that your husband was going to that meeting with you!  He needed to be there and sure enough it opened up a great conversation! Things like this will just keep happening and they're what keep us going!

Does getting some exercise help your arthritis? I know it hurts to move but sometimes it can help if you push a little...and take more Motrin!

[bama88]

On a positive note.. my husband really opened up yesterday. We discussed what life used to be like before the accident happened and the rough medical problems my daughter deals with and me. He really talked after the meeting. He told me how bad I got on the pills. And the craziness that followed when I ran out. He admits he needs to have them for work and life. I'm.not focused on him right now. Yesterday was the first day I felt.the whole house getting better. My daughter finished cleaning. It was so nice waking up to a normal looking house. I guess I was worse than I thought. I used to loose my temper about any little thing. I'm not doing that anymore. I will somehow make it threw today. One hr at a time.