feeling a bit disscouraged today....

[detox1978]

i have had plenty of time to think and over the years i keep coming back to the same conclusion.....  i started abusing my lortab script because i was depressed, as i'm sure many of you can agree opiates fill a void for us addicts. a 13 yr relationship and a good portion of it held together by addiction. i have been threw 4 yrs of methadone maintenance. 3 1/2 yrs of it clean and only taking methadone, now i've conquered coming off methadone all together , but i'm sitting here thinking how do i cope with a day like today? normally i would pop some pills but, i can't do that anymore "i won't". stressful days are inevitable and i'm left with this burden of retraining myself to cope in healthy ways.as some of you have posted about your emotional state after withdrawal, i to am left dealing with that burden. it ***** because i can't let my emotions pour out or get in the way with the situation at hand. i split from my 13 yr relationship last april and since my ex "childrens father" has gotten a new girlfriend a couple months back he has been making things very complicated when ever she's around. he moved her here to buffalo from florida at the end of febuary and 2 days after her arrival he petitioned in family court for custody of our 2 kids. believe me you he has not been a saint either throughout time, but whatever. i feel like every time i take a step forward in one aspect of my life, somewhere else i'm forced to take a step back and it's frustrating. i have this blanket of foggy depression clouding my mind today and i just can't seem to shake it.

[Sharon0255]

Life is difficult and as an addict it's overwhelming. But the truth is I am stronger than all of it even the opiates with the help of others like me and a higher power or whatever you choose to believe. I choose to not use today and for no other reason than I want to be clean more than I want to be high, just today. Your life will change whether you stay clean or not but I believe it will change for the better if i stay clean.
I have never been so depressed, bored, sleep deprived etc, the list goes on but it's still better than being a slave to a pill waking up sweating wreaking havoc on those i love and not feeling or caring about anything but getting high and staying high. I mean really its like groundhog day every day it was horrible and yet i crave the pills dream about the pills and i have no control over it except to not act or take one pill today it is horrible but compared to what. I've relapsed several times and shortly after i always regret it. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

[detox1978]

no it wouldn't make anything betterto take something, and i know that all to well. it's what i did for 7 yrs on and off, and it didn't pan out well. i guess we live and learn. your right we do have to let life live as it's going to and hey i know it's wishful thinking, but sure would be nice if it would go right for me for a change. i just feel like i'm doing all of this work to better myself not only for me but my kids and those around me and it just seems as if there's always something.

[detox1978]

it's not that i want to or need to go back, i'm saying for the past 7 yrs that's all ive known and, i want to cope differently.i don't get cravings to take opiates due to being on methadone for 4 yrs. like the one post said .... boredom & depression...... today is a day i don't want to have time to think, but it's one of those days i need a push to stay active today.it's weird i'll feel great for a couple days and then i'll get a day where it's just BLAH. i just got home a couple hrs ago from my first family court date and i guess it's just beating me up having to deal with unnecessary b.s. helps to vent sometimes.

[LostNoMore]

Aftercare.

[thebigeasy88]

Chin up girl.  The worst part about becoming clean is finding something to fill the void of those pills.  Depression and boredom are part of the "process".  Might sound stupid but I turned to working out to make myself feel better about ME.  Throw on the iPod and start working on making yourself a better person.  Everything happens for a reason.  It $ucks...I know.  There are many times I feel like going back, especially after losing my best friend, but you just need to pick up the pieces and move on as hard as that sounds.  Start today, make yourself #1 & NEVER look back!!!!!

[IBKleen]

Your feeling are very real and very understandable. What you need to learn is not to act on them. You need to learn to live life on life's terms and not run to a pill every time something doesn't go your way. That's the hard part.

Let me ask you a question----if you were taking something right now and numbing your feelings, would that change the fact that your ex is doing some pretty crumby things? I wouldn't. All it would do is complicate the issues and in the long run may make it worse for you and the custody issues.

Hun, you are going to have to hold on tight. Pull from your strength to get through this. I also suggest that you get your butt into some form of after care---whatever you choose. You need to learn to STAY clean and that is not something we can do by ourselves.

I'm glad you came here and posted instead of doing something you would surely regret. Way to go! Keep posting.