co-dependency and opiates

[formerjerseygirl]

Hello, I am battling my addiction to opiates but my husband whom I love dearly is also addicted and I fear not
as committed to getting off.  Do any of you have experience with trying to get and stay off drugs with a partner?  I am on day 5 of no drugs and he is going to go off next week.  We had to do the detox separately so one of us could care for the kids and work responsibilities.  I am scared that it will be harder to stay off when there are 2 addicts involved...

[formerjerseygirl]

That is what I am hoping to actually feel and remember the music instead of the high...or to get high from the music.  Blasting music in the car and at home is helping me so I am not sure if it can be too loud for me :) but I will bring the ear plugs just in case. Thanks.  I cannot believe I am really looking forward to a sober concert!  I love jam bands so they sort of go hand in hand with intoxication but I think I can be intoxicated from the music and it will be even better.

[Calamity2]

I would bring some ear plugs in case the music is too loud on your newly recovering mind and body.  Concerts are great sober.  You can remember more of the experience clean

[formerjerseygirl]

Yes, I think I would like to feel what it is like to be 100% sober so I am going to try to give all substances up.  One of my passions is live music and I cannot remember going to show without either having some drinks or smoking some pot...if I was not on pills...I was never a big mixer.  I always prefered the pills and would just have some drinks or a little pit if I was not on the pills.  I guess I can't imagine being out at a concert without a beer or out to dinner without a glass of wine.  I guess that means that the alcohol is an issue as well.  Man...we have concert tickets for next month and I am actually looking forward to shaking my butt and enjoying the music with no substances in my system.  I hope I still feel that way in a month.

[formerjerseygirl]

Day 5 is deinitely MUCH better.  Day 3 was probably my toughest.  Today I excercised, saw a drug counselor, played a game with my kids, had a good appetite and a good dinner and donated to Haiti.  So far, a pretty good day.  Now if I can get some sleep  it will be really good.  I think staying off is going to be much harder than going off.  I hope the support from this site helps as well...it seems as though it will.

[Tamethepain]

You & your husband are addicted to opiates & have tried detoxing several times? The answer is NO! You both have addictive personalities & you will end ip trading one addiction for another. I know as I have been there. You won't be able to control the urge to anesthtize yourself from the pain & pressure of life. It will only be a matter of time before you're back on the pills. Please seek help thru Narcotics Anonymous. You will need the support. Good luck to you both.

[Calamity2]

I think just the past few weeks I have seen couples getting clean together. I also saw a couple that I thought doesnt have a chance in h---.  It depends on how honest you can be with yourselves. YOUR focus can't be on what he is doing you need to get clean for you. It can be done . I got sober from alcohol once with a man. He fell off the wagon and man my anger and manipulation put that poor guy through some humility. UNFORTUNATLY all I could see was the betral to me not himself. Today he is sober however he got that way without me.  I hope YOU post mostly about how YOU are doing. CONGRATS ON DAY 5 !!!  I hated day 4 the most. You feel better than yesterday?

[avisg]

I stoped drinking when i quit I to was only a casual drinker so I did not feel like not drinking would be hard not to mention its so easy to go from one addiction to the other I just desised it was not worth the risk and I have never really missed it ..Diffrent people do it diffrent ways I would suggest that you get some clean time under the belt before you drink at all give it 6 months and see if it still interests you ....Then go from there ..

[formerjerseygirl]

Wow - I am so sorry about your son and happy he is ok.  Thank you for the support and the message you sent me.  Yes, I think and hope we are both committed to recovery this time...recovery and not just detox, both for ourselves and our kids.  The one thing with the recovery program that scares me is that it is complete abstinence from all substances and we were both social drinkers without alcohol problems and I am concerned about giving that up as well while trying to stay off of the pills although I understand why and would like to be able to...just scared.  Does anyone know if people can go through a program like that and then eventually go back to having social drinks but never using?

[avisg]

I understand exactly what you are saying .I was always there for my kids when I was using but I was not completely present and  they deserved better .We also found out at the time when I first got REALLY serous about quitting that our son had cancer. He is fine now but at that point it really shocked me into realizing I needed to be there one hundred %  all of the time .. Thats what they needed and I realized how selfish I had been . It has to be scary with two of you and remember you are only accountable for your recovery he has to be accountable for his .I think if you both get all of the help you talking about I think you both will do it ...If you ever need an ear feel free to PM me ...
avis

[formerjerseygirl]

thank you.  As I said we went off and relasped in the past.  However, we have both committed to getting real help this time and seeing a counselor and going to a program.  He makes lots of jokes about staying on them and how we aren't that bad and his jokes me upset and nervous bc i think there is always truth there...at least truth to him because we cannot stay on them and we are that bad.  I also take a vitmain regimen to help me stay off and he won't take them so all this little things make me question him.  I am a mother of 2 as well and it kills me to think that i am not completely present for them even though when i take the pills i tell myself it is to keep up with them and be happy with them.  However I know it is a mask of happiness and not real.  Of course all of this is easier said than done.  Thank you.

[avisg]

It will if you let it ...Remember you have to recover for you ...He has to recover for him ...It is really easy to use the other partner is a reason not to get and stay clean .I didnt it  with pills but I did it with smoking ....enabling is going to be a problem you might want to look into both ALNON  meetings and some type of addiction care for your self and your hubby whether it be aa/na or a therapist someone to help you both threw ...Does he want to quit as much as you do is that your fear .Is he stopping because he wants to or because he knows you want him too... That is going to be a big part if you both go into eye wide open with a good recovery care you CAN DO IT!!!!! He should post to it can really help the both of you .

[formerjerseygirl]

exactly...we ahve detoxed and relasped together a few times though so the trusts get a little tougher each time.  I am hopeful that this will be the last time.  Are you planning to detox when your iancee is feeling better?  

[bandjusa]

me and my fiance ar going thru similar situation shes detoxing off vics and is sick as a dog at day 6 i feel bad cause im not going thru this with her but one of us has to be functional to bring home the bacon..lol... anyway as long as u and partner trust eachother u both will get thru but u both have to b committed cause if he continues using so will u!!!