The opite devil is chasing me!

[fiveyearoxymoron]

I have been steady at 120 mg oxycodone twice daily for 3 weeks now. Trying to taper is very hard. I did cut a 30 in half last night and reduced to 105mg for my evening dose. My body did not like it. I am now wondering if a ct route would be better. I have 10 8mg suboxones, and can get more if needed, but keep hearing that that may not be a good idea either? Any input? Sorry it's been awhile since last post.

[Uanme2]

Kratom any strands helps with opiete withdrawal takes away the pain an urge im a testimony behind it. Plugging your nosw with tissue an using antibotic pain reliver creme like neosporin relieve the pain. You can buy kratom online or at tabacco store research it in your area because its not sold everywhere.

[OxyTired]

My wife helped me taper from oxycodone for six months. I had put her through years of hell with my booze and benzo times. She had enough faith in me to try one more time. When It was time for my pill, I would go outside and "stand by the tree" so I wouldn't know where they were.
Weeks passed, but I knew that 180 pill bottle was in the house somewhere. In fact, there were lots more, because the taper was down to 1/2 RX.

She really didn't know how many we had when I found them, so a few extra here and there were not missed. Soon I was on a runaway binge and took them all over a few days. My wife was beside herself with worry and she is an RN. She asked me if I wanted to try to continue with an RX dose. I had to answer honestly no, my tolerance and craving had shot up to the point I had only one way out. Ten months ago I finally got clean.

Miserable it was, so I just keep reading and rereading posts here determined to "go to any lengths."  Just wanted to warn you of some of the hazards of having someone dole pills out. Some do this very successfully, I can't. Our addict beast inside does not care about the welfare of our loved ones-it wants the pills. I found myself "dissatisfied" with the dose while tapering. And each little crumb of oxy seemed to incite me to want more.

When you get to the point where you "jump off" you will be relieved that at least you are getting farther and farther away from the drug each passing day.  I admire how well thought out your plan is and wish you the very best!

[fiveyearoxymoron]

I went from 600mg daily to 270 daily. I have been at 240mg for 3 weeks now, and am going to reduce to using 15mg less daily on my evening dose(105mg) for a week or so before reducing to 180 mg daily(90mg in a.m and 90mg for evening dose) I hope I can make this jump. I am giving my meds up to my wife. she gives me my morning dose, then gives me the evening dose. She has been told by me to not give in to my cravings. I hate putting this burdon on her, but I know I can't do it myself.

[Pjtwenty]

It sounds like you are doing good to me. You cut down a lot!!  With that amount I'd suspect a slow taper would still be uncomfortable but better than ct.
I think if your wife can truly help you taper that may be the best route. Of course I'm no doctor.
As you may know ct is quick and painful vs tapering. But if you can taper properly it would be easier. Just know that while tapering it is only making the wds easier and not meant to bring you that high you're use to.

Good luck!!  Keep posting.

[fiveyearoxymoron]

I have told my Dr. that the pills are no longer doing me any good. My dr. reduced my dosage by 30 mg daily, Howerver, I have not been taking them as prescribed for some time.  I am suppose to take 60mg 5 times daily. Over a period of 2 1/2-3 years, I started taking them less often, but using more at a single time to get the desired feeling from them.  I have never bought any from the street. All my oxycodone has been with my own prescription. I have however been given suboxone strips from a friend. I have 10 of them. I have never tried them. I have however bought 1/4 oz. of pure brick heroin and admittedly tried snorting first a small amount, then a quite large amount that left me feeling dirty and worthless without even getting high from it. I know it was high grade because others who used it reported it as being very good. I count using a street drug as probably the lowest point in my life.  I can tell you that I do not feel like the same person I was 5 years ago. My biggest fears are that I have done irreversible damage to my brain and body,and that if I tell my wife 100% of all I have done that it will either end or permanently damage my marriage. I also worry that one day I will die without the freedom from being addicted happening. I want more than anything in the world to be free from the bondage of living from hour to hour waiting to take pills that no longer work for the pain as well as no longer being able to get high from them. I wake up every morning feeling more and more worthless. I am grateful to have a place like this where I can come to be honest, and lay my situation out there for others to see. I want to spend whatever time I have left in life happy and without this dreaded addiction. I have discussed turning my meds over to my wife, and she is willing to take control of that. I know in my heart that I cannot continue to administer them myself. It is to easy to lie to myself and take more. I have one more prescription for 330 30 mg oxy's  before having to see the dr in June. (He gives me 90 days worth at a time. I am going to tell him I want to continue to taper. He offered to detox me in the hospital, but do to our situation at home I can't afford to take the time to do that. I also can't take time to go into rehab. At times I feel trapped because of this. I am determined to do this. I only pray that I can be me again. Thanks for listening.  

[dominosarah]

Thanks clean for the update......

You say the opiate devil is chasing you?  Stop playing the game.  Turn and face the devil head on.  Get honest with yourself and others.  You have the power.

[clean_in_ks]

Welcome back......I had forgotten your story and just went back and read your other posts.  Would it be a safe assumption to make that you are getting some of your pills from a dr....and then supplementing from the street?

Have you been to see your dr since you first posted wanting to taper down?

Getting down to 240 mg from 600 mg/day is a fantastic start!  Initially, when I made up my mind to get off the pills and realized they were not longer doing what they used to do (both euphorically AND pain-wise)...I was on...at worst, 300 mg/day.  I got down to 100 mg before I jumped.  I thought I the time that I was "tapering"....but I did that jump in 3 weeks so it wasn't really a medically controlled, slow taper as is recommended with a taper.

You have some big decisions to make.....are you willing to see your dr and tell him/her that you find yourself addicted?  Are you willing to cut off your street sources?  If you find you cannot taper while still dosing yourself and having control of the pills, are you willing to let your wife do the dosing?

You probably have to work thru all these options before you find out if you are, in fact, one of the few addicts that can do an accurately controlled taper. I found out I wasn't......my hubby had been an "abused gatekeeper" for sometime already when I quit.....and I would find the pills no matter where he hid them.  I had to admit that if I had pills....my head KNEW I had them and I wanted them in my mouth. LOL  

You have shared "part" of your secret addiction with your wife...that's a good start....and you say you have a precious 5 yr old too.  You are blessed....and I can tell you, once you get to the point you are willing to do whatever it takes to get clean.....the freedom will be like no other high you've ever experienced.

P.S.  To answer your 2 questions:  should I go to 3 (90 mg) doses/day even though it will increase the total milligrams per day?  NO
Should I use 8 suboxone strips....from the street to ease the pain?  NO
Even if you can get more than 8 strips?  NO

Keep posting....keep talking to us.....if you are truly tired of chasing pills and being sick and tired all the time...eventually you will become willing to do whatever is suggested to be successful~

[dominosarah]

What dose did you start your taper with?