A Question for ya'll from a Newby

[dcu]

I am addicted to tramadol. I am weaning off now and am doing well so far. I was taking a ton of them, had several seizures, but the last one really opened my eyes because my heart stopped, and I was at the stable where I keep my horse and they don't want me to come back because of the liability. I have been on them for 5 years now, was up to 30 pills a day....sometimes maybe more. I think they should outlaw this drug. I started taking it after breaking my tailbone in a horse back riding incident. They gave me three months worth. I took them as prescribed for the first month, then started slowly increasing. Couldn't figure out why I was getting sick and feeling so awful when I ran out...but I knew I had to get more. I figured it out. I have lost great jobs due to my addiction...I've lost friends and my home. I am lucky to have a great family and an awesome friend that I live with. He is my ex boyfriend, we have lived together for 4 years. The reason we broke up was because of my addiction. I didn't realize that then. But I finally came clean to him, about everything last week. I had never told him. He said he knew somethings and had been counting my pills the last few months. He was afraid to talk to me about it because he was afraid I would get mad and leave. I think we may be able to work out relationship out when I get better. ANYWAY! The addiction has made me do things that I am soooo not proud of. First of all, I am a 35 year old(woman) professional accountant, so it probably seemed weird to the pawn shop that I would come in dressed in a business suit selling my Raymond Weil watch for 140 dollars. It was worth about 1000 and could have sold it for that on eBay, but I couldn't wait. I had to have the money to go to Fedex and pick up my prescription!  I stole from friends and family...if not money, then things to pawn. I forged scripts at a pharmacy where I knew the pharmacist because he lived next door. WHen I was caught he didn't do anything. (The doctor gave me a blank prescription page because he wrote his Wife's cell on the back for me - she was a designer and I told him I was remodeling) Another lie....I was painting, but that was it. I didn't have any money to remodel!! Lets see, I always filled my legit scripts with refills way to soon, and was questioned. I know they knew, I could see it in their eyes. Had to change Doc's alot before the internet thing, but even then had to keep a good prescriber incase I ran out...which happened alot over weekends. I did alot of things that I am not proud of. I am broke, have no job, they cancelled my drivers license and  I live with my ex. Ya know what though....I still have alot! I am so lucky to have a loving family and I have three really close caring friends, and Jeremy, my ex. He is so supportive. He is going to take me to the Doc on Thursday to see about getting on suboxone. I want him to come in with me, I want to be completely honest with him going forward. I am so happy that I found this site! You are all so honest and reassuring! I love reading about people getting clean and being happy! I feel so sad for those who aren't yet...like me. I wish I could help them thru it! I just know one thing for sure, NEVER start taking tramadol without caution! I never had a seizure in my life until I took this stuff. They are the bad ones...Grand Mals, I broke my jaw from falling because of one of them! I have had at least 12 in the last 4 years. BECAREFUL please!! I read a post about someone wanting to take ultram/tramadol to ween off vics....that is so not good, tramadol is harder to get off of, the withdrawals are worse, I have done alot of research on this. I just would hate to see someone get into what I have.

ANYWAY, sorry this is so long! My question was....have any of you done some of the terrible things I have done because of your addiction?? I feel like such an @$$ for what I have done...and would never have done that if it weren't for the pills!

Thanks and Good Luck to Everyone on here!!

[watermom]

Hello....glad you posted.  You really sound like you are ready to quit.  That is great and you will find great support here.  

I hope your tapering will be successful. It seems like you really have to with Ultram.  

I was one that was going to use ultram to wean myself off vicodin/norcos.  I took two and hated the feeling.  I read about them and the seizure thing and people warned me here so I tossed them.  I am very glad I did especially after reading your post.  

Yes, I have stolen pills from loved ones....Called the doc on my husbands behalf saying he has had a gout episode.  I too, am ashamed.  But I know that isn't me when I am healthy....and it isn't you.  I try not to dwell on it because I have enough anxiety as you probably will as well.  We have to forgive ourselves.

You are lucky to have such a great family and close friends. USE THEM....TURN TO THEM.....Goodluck to you and please post.

[dcu]

Thanks for your comments and your support! Today is a New day, and I am not going to use the pills to get the "High". Just to not get sick today.

To: Addictedrus:
I hope you can get off of them, the Norco's or the trams. My Sister is a Mental Health Professional...she is the Director of a nut house...that is what she says, but she is the head Nut! She has told me of many new prescription antidepressents that she says really work. I have always been a pretty happy person, but not so much since I started abusing pills. Not like before I used, I had alot going for me and always had a smile for everyone. You may be alot happier if you try and get help for your depression! I am sorry you are sad.

[worried878]

yes....have done things I am not proud of to get pills......you know I just look back as a reminder sometimes but do not like to dwell on it anymore...things get sooooo much better

[addictedrus]

wow i was addicted to tramadol too and now moved onto norcos. i faked it so many times in the drs office just for him to refill by trams. i was even wanting to order them offline from those sites that sell canadian prescriptions, but didn't cause i found a stash of norcos in my house. they aren't mine. there my dads. so obviously im taking them now from him which is sad. he doesn't take them but it's still stealing. i've used my last dollars to get prescriptions. im a depressive person and without pain pills it's like i cant' face life or be happy.

[toxictome]

Welcome to the forum. Congrats on coming clean w/ your ex...and moving forward.
Don't let the shame bog you down for things you did in the past...we have all been there to some degree. The shame will send you back out there if you don't deal with it and let it go!!!! Good luck...we are here for you!!!

[GoingToMakeIt]

We all have done things we are not proud of or would have never done if not on drugs. You are not alone. The good thing is it stops when you get clean. Good luck with getting off the Trams.

[Hizz]

after all youve been through, you still seem to be quite happy for what you do have, and thats hard, but keep up with it, dont let the little things bring you down, you can do it, and you know it!