tramadol - i'm dying :(

[summer_2010]

I have been addicted to Tramal for the past 2,5 years and I have decided to once and for all stop these horror pills. I took up to 400mg in one dose and later in the day I would take another 200-300mg..
Yesterday I took 350 and now I decided to stop these pills from hell. Instead I took some gabapentin and valerian root but I am not doing good at all.. The worst is a massive anxiety and tension I feel inside myself and I feel tempted to blow it out with valium but I don't want to swap addictions.. The tension is so bad that I feel like loosing my mind.. I can't afford going to a doctor so I guess I have to go through this on my own. As long as there's no pill supply around in my house.. I work in the medical field and have very easy access to trams without anybody even suspecting that i'm dealing with an addiction.
Please god help me!!!

[summer_2010]

I am dying!! I feel so depressed and got brain zaps.. s*** i shouldn't have decreased the lexapro along with the trams.. tomorrow i'm back to work.. with loads of trams sitting in front of my face.. dear god, where are you?? I need you SO MUCH!!

[summer_2010]

thank you for your encouraging words. only when one is in these shoes it becomes clear how much every single reply of encouragement means and how uplifting it can be.
im just about to finish day 3, so your words gave me hope.
i'm feeling extremely depressed right now, is it the w/d's from the tramadol? is it due to the fact that i am in an almost helpless situation relationshipwise where we both love each other so much but circumstances may force us to part ways?

i have nobody to talk to and feel the depression like a sharp pain in my body and my heart is racing..

god please save me from this

[saddy6]

Keep at this and keep fighting. Honestly the W/D's from Tramadol was by far the worst I experienced with anything so it's a very, very tough thing to do but very necessary. People think it's safe being a non-narcotic option but it's incredibly tough to come off of and you need to be careful. It was the worst for me up until Day 3 and that is when I finally was able to shake the restless leg and sleep a little bit but it seems everyone is different.

[IBKleen]

Having pills around and attempting to recover is simply foolish. If you hate them, then get rid of them. You are going to find out the hard way just how much the disease of addiction is mental.

I wish you the best and hope it works out for you.

[summer_2010]

by the way.. even while i am at home i still have 30 pills of tramal in a box at home.. some people might think that this is crazy for a recovering addict but i feel this is easing my panic. Had a hell lot of cravings but when i look at these tablets i feel nauseated and sick in general. i hate them!
to increase the load on me i also quite rapidly decreased my lexapro from 40 to a more "normal" dose of 20mg..
it is stupid what im doing however i feel the valerian root absorbs this emotional shock of withdrawing..
i want to be off all pills once and for all!!! go to hell tramadol!!!!!!!!

[summer_2010]

p.s. with oversleeping i meant: i woke up at 7:15 and had to be at work at 7:45 (not 8:45)

glad to hear that the visit to your parents home hasnt been as negative as you thought. you are on day 4 today this means you are now more than half way through the withdrawals!!! You go girl!!

I had my car tested today and it didnt pass for the road worthiness cert,felt ok the first half of the day but then i started to feel tensed and anxious. I went on a spree at holland and Barrets after having read about the thomas receipe but i couldn't afford to buy all the amino acids separately, this stuff is expensive as hell!!
I bought a bottle of Gaba, a bittle of Ester C and another bottle of "Maximum strength amino 1500" The pills are huge and i can barely swallow them.. the dosage is much lower than in the recipe but i will take 4 tablets 3 times a day and this should be better than nothing.
Now i just got home and feel really tensed and anxious inside. This feeling is as if you are trapped inside yourself and can't get out.. a mild version of the feeling of being held under water and not being able to breath while you can see people walking by peacefully not noticing you.
day 3 in the tramadol rodeo.. it feel like it has been 10 days since i last touched that stuff