Double-Digits!

[thewaz]

Day ten.  Double-digits sounds so good to me.  Yesterday was my best day and I managed to pull off some more sleep.  Not nearly what my body is used to but at least some peace and rest came my way.  My waking hour seems to be 3 am spot on.  Dogs and family aren't exactly thrilled but what can I do.  I choose to get up and moving instead of laying there tossing and turning.

Last night I loaded my plate as if I was eating for 10.  STARVED.  I only ate a little but what I did consume tasted great and provided a bit more nourishment for my healing body.  This morning I'm back on Immodium.  I thought I had that part kicked but apparently not.

Today will be the first time since Friday May 11th, that I will put on my big girl clothes and go to a couple of meetings.  Makeup.  Hair.  Biz attire.  I'm shaky today.  Very anxious.  No cravings at all.  Just restless in many ways.  I have a lot of work to catch up on.  A lot of personal work to catch up on.  My desk looks like it blew up.  My email box is crazy but I'll take one at a time.  My prayers are that focusing on my work will help me through the day.  However I'm still easily distracted.  Mind still all over the place.

I've been giving a lot of thought to this no sleeping and although I've spent enormous amounts of time reading your similar posts and those from the medical world...I know my body and here's what I think is also happening to me in addition to my brain figuring out what it's supposed to do.  For 9 years I drugged myself.  I thought I was functioning perfectly.  That no one knew.  Although it's still unspoken except with my doc and therapist, how could anyone not know?  So a late afternoon nap, especially on weekends, was easy.  Because I was drugged.  And falling asleep at night was easily because in addition to the opiates I would throw in an Ambien and a Xanax or two.  Now trying to do this sleep thing with nothing is not working.  It's drugs that put me to sleep.  

In addition to working this weekend..I have a plan for me.  First an appointment with my doc. Let her know where I stand and how I've gotten here and how I need her support moving forward.  But to check me out.  This 10-day journey has taken quite a toll on me despite it being the right thing to do.  Next up, my therapist, Magic Mary returning this week.  Thank God.  My mind and body are very weak today.  Hypnosis and her guidance and gentle soul energize me.  Unfortunately I can't see her until Thursday.  There's this wonderful place near me that is sort of holistic, spa and skin care.  Strange but filled with awesome people focused on helping your entire body be well.  I've been going there for my skin.  Years of abuse in the sun (which I love) has left my face a blotchy mess.  It's looking so awesome right now.  But she also has an acupuncture guru and some masseuse types that specialize in unique techniques.  I'm going to call to talk and see if there's anything offered that may benefit me.

So although I'm trying to return to a normal routine starting today, I know I'm not even close for normalcy.  So I shall fill in the pieces with care for me.  Rests when I can.  Plant a flower.  Listen to music.  Eat more.  And live.  And Breathe.  That's my week plan!

[dominosarah]

Congrats on your clean time!!  You are doing great!!  Dont get yourself overwhelmed with all the things you have to do.  Sit down and prioritize what needs to be done and when.  Our brain cant handle so many tasks all at once this early in recovery.

[thewaz]

You'll be there before you know it!  Keep going!

[Blackwolfsgirl]

I am on day 5 and know what you must have gone through to get to day 10! Great job!

[selfinduced]

I love your post. Your plan sounds amazing! Much peace for your week. xx