trouble

[studiogirl]

So, I was supposed to go cold turkey this week but I couldnt take it and I got more pills.  You would think this back and forth would get old but it never does.  I have this counselor from the Oupatient program calling me and wanting to get me into treatment and this detox doctor wanting to start me on a detox and I am just so damn addicted that I cant do what needs to be done.
A whole week off and its going to go to waste.  I am so angry with myself, I just want to be a normal person but I keep failing

[worried878]

You sound determined studiogirl...all of that took alot of guts!...good 4 u...more power to u...posting each day will help so much...do find a meeting...[phone]

[IWonder1]

SOOO Sorry I posted this on the wrong post. Please forgive me. and Disregard. I read so many posts I get confused sometimes.

[IWonder1]

Hi
I think I'm dependent on OXY/ Roxy. I take 2 80 mg oxys a day. 1 in the morning and 1 at night. I also have Roxycodone 30 mg to take in between Oxys. I usually take 2-3 a day. Sometimes 4. I never snorted them but I know what you mean when you say you can't stop thinking about the next one. I have not completely decided what to do yet. I really need these pills for my pain but I know deep down that I have to get away from them. It's so hard to put them down and I haven't even tried yet. I think I will go with the taper to start but I really don't know if I can keep from taking them. My Dr. is really strict and counts my pills every month to make sure I'm taking as prescribed so that's a BIG incentive NOT to take more than I'm supposed to. I think that that is the only reason I've been able to maintain this long. It's just the pure fear of being cut off Cold Turkey that keeps me following his orders. Believe me I have the urge to take more ALL the time. If the taper does not work for me I will consider the detox. Please let me know what meds they gave you to ease the W/D's. I'm also very curious to know how well they work for you. Please let me know. You had mentioned that your friend was in for only 3 days and did great. What and how much was he taking? What and how much do you take? I wish you the best of luck and please let me know how you are doing. I've been following a few others here and trying to decide which route is the best for me. Hang in there. You sound like you have the right mindset to kick this thing in the A@#. I'm still trying to work up the nerve to commit, so I applaud you!
IWonder

[studiogirl]

thank you everyone so much. RIght after I typed that post I drove to my doctors and gave him back all my pills and told him that I cannot take them anymore because I am dependent.  Then, I drove to the outpatient detox, paid the $750 and got prescribed a bunch of meds to help with the withdrawals.  They are all non narcotic but the doctor said they will almost hide the symptoms.  I only have to be on them for 7 - 10 days too so its not like Im trading a habit.  I watched this old movie called CLean and Sober with Micheal Keaton and it inspired me to just do it and stop trying to find ways to prolong my agony.  
ANyway, you all are so good to me.  Thanks for caring about my situation.  I will post every day to let you know how this detox is going.  If it works for me maybe other people can get these meds prescribed to them to help.

[worried878]

and meetings in ur area can start right now with any plan u choose

[worried878]

lots of good advice above...different ways to get it done....dont give up trying...pick a way that suits u and make a plan...one u can stick to...so u cant do ct..not right now..it seems so go to plan B...taper..but i would only do that if u had someone to hold ur pills for u..then u have C...suboxone...D...inpatient...E  outpatient...not necessarily in that order but u need to choose and make a plan...
but before u go any farther..u need to reach down inside and be sure u totally want this with ur heart and ur soul

[flamingogirl1]

hi i should prolly listen to my own advice but i had a freidn who was taking a ton of oxycontin i dont know what you take but he went to inpatient rehab for 3 days. he said it was not abad at all and his insurance covered it. you can go longer too if you want. he said they made him feel real comfortable and he jsut stayed ina romm and watched tv and they gave him anxiety and sleep meds and he barely felt any withdrawal. that may be a good option for you. you just have to relaize that once you r done detoxing you have to mentally prepare yourself to stay away from the pills bc cravings will be there for a hiwle but you just have to do something else to keep your mind off them whenever you think about them.. also you have to try to get into new routines. i know when i take my pills it is such a routine for me. i get up and the first thing i do is snort a pill then i look forward to my afternoon and night one all day. it is such a routien that we have to break.

[triedeverymed]

Don't beat yourself up. You are practicing for the real "quit time"! I could never go cold turkey either. I ended up having to use Suboxone to quit. It worked and I have 3 1/2 years now. I never went back. Everyone quits in thier own way on thier own time. When it's time, you'll find a way!!
Keep trying, hang in there, and don't get discouraged!

[road2recovery]

We all know this is so hard..But please know the want has to be so big...Do not get down on yourself, i know i went back and forth once in my head of why should i quit?
But then something clicks, or happens , and you know you have too, or it will only get worst, and jail and death start to seem closer then ever.....It seems like you have some pretty good people looking at your best interest...What is stopping you???  Really think about this?....I remember when u came on you wanted this really bad, what happened?
There are many other ways besides c/t, if that was too painfull...Stay with us k
I am rooting for you
r2r

[mimi1313]

As Savas would say "Its a learning experience"

[Mikeinthesouth]

No don't give up if I gave up the first second third time I would not be here right now. I did as you are doing trying and giving in to it it is not wasted the time you were clean off it as it is experience and it is not going anywhere you have it and it is time you had clean. Mike

[mimi1313]

Hi,

This is not an easy thing to do. So first, don't beat yourself up. what's done is done. Now maybe you need to look at other options of getting clean. Maybe you can taper with the help of a doctor? There are other options so don't give up.

Melissa