i havnt posted in a long time but lurke from time to time.

[dbgc]

just want to say i am in repair! I have lost me for along long long time! everyone here i just want to say i feel for each and everyone of you. addiction in any form is prolonged time. certain members in here and you know who you are a great teachers and friends with bigger hearts then any.(gizzy,ibclean,and all you others) I have been to the depths of hell many times and returned many more in my addiction. only on day five once again from millions of times. im just rambling but want to say i have lost everything to addiction, wife, everyday life with my ten year old daughter. and much much more. i have lost my soul and  want to eran it back i mean for the first time EARN it back because decisions we make have consequences. for the first time i dont get mad at night with no sleep and twitching off my bed . bring it on  i am turning the pain on itself. After all as addicts its all about us. im tired of being selfish and want to care about others. I earned this after all. I CHOOSE LIFE! I love you all and feel for each and eveyone in here.

[dominosarah]

Nice to see you taking back your life.  It's so worth it~~~~~~~~sara

[pearley]

I was on Oxycontin 160mg.s a day for 13 years due to a very messed up back and failed surgery. My husband lost his job and also insurance. At $2000 every 3 months it was unaffordable. So I had to get off of the med. I had to do so in less than 6 weeks and without a buffer or anyone with me. I walked across the fires of hell and came out on the other side. May 14th will be a year. I never realized how much of me I had lost. I didnt abuse it either. But when all was said and done I felt like I had woke up. I still have chronic pain, still walk bent over and still struggle everyday. But I do it clear headed. Do I ever want to take another one. Everyday many times a day. But I remember what I went thru. I remember sitting in a room with a shot gun and crying cause I didnt know how to load it. I remember sitting on the rivers edge in our truck wanting to drive in cause the withdrawls were tearing me up, I remember not being able to take a shower for three days cause the water made me mad or not rating cause I couldnt stand the feel of food.  But most of all I remember how much of me I lost. And I dont want to loose the rest of me. Trust me you can get thru and you will be stronger than you ever thought you could.  Faith can move mountains. I never knew the true meaning of that till I went thru hell.

[worried878]

I am glad u r sticking with ur goals..and keeping ur life..cos it is worth keeping!