Aa
only made it 18 days:(.
Relapsed today the scary thing is I dont feel bad. What is wrong with me. Ughh I dont want to continue and put myself thry withdrawal hell again. But I dont think I can quit without going away for some serious help. I Cant afford any big fancy detox cntr. I currently have not a job and have state insurance. I also have my kids and have to find a job realisticly in 6 months. Im sorry I feel like I let all you wonderful supporters down:'(. You guys have alll been a huge help and taught me alot and I thank you all for it.
COMMUNITY LEADER
You have been given some good advice here and it all comes down to you now. When you have had enough you will move heaven and earth to get and stay clean. You hold the key that unlocks those chains. Reach for it~
As for this addict; I wish i wasn't so powerless. But I simply can't use every now and then, like, just party only on fridays or something lol. If I started to use again, sooner or later I'd have to use every day, all day, unable to stop. Usually this happens to me sooner. I can't control drugs. If I could, I'd have "power" over them. But, I'm powerless over them. And I can't just stop and "will that away" on my own. I had to ask for help. If I could have solved this on my own, by myself, I wouldn't have ever needed to go on the internet and join this community or go to NA. I'd just stop and never want to get high again.
When I got the help I needed, one of the steps I took to change myself was do a personal audit, exactly like Jordan described so well. But we call it a personal inventory. I've done this more than once in my life because new issues crop up as i go thru life. I'm actually working on another now. It's designed to help me deal with the wreckage of the past. THATS when some real changes occured. When I first got clean the only thing missing was the alcohol and drugs. Everything else was still there, including everything I felt ashamed of, ppl I hurt in my life... When I used, all of that wreckage went away for a minute. When I came down again, there it was again. I had to deal with it so i could live with freedom from the bondage of self. The personal audit, or inventory, is very important. Many treatment centers use it to help addicts to at least accept themselves before they go back out into the world.
When I got the help I needed, one of the steps I took to change myself was do a personal audit, exactly like Jordan described so well. But we call it a personal inventory. I've done this more than once in my life because new issues crop up as i go thru life. I'm actually working on another now. It's designed to help me deal with the wreckage of the past. THATS when some real changes occured. When I first got clean the only thing missing was the alcohol and drugs. Everything else was still there, including everything I felt ashamed of, ppl I hurt in my life... When I used, all of that wreckage went away for a minute. When I came down again, there it was again. I had to deal with it so i could live with freedom from the bondage of self. The personal audit, or inventory, is very important. Many treatment centers use it to help addicts to at least accept themselves before they go back out into the world.
I agree with them above. Many people have a few drinks or a pill or two and really beat them selves up WHY? At least we know were we want to go now. The first step....For me and my experience I gave it to my god, go to meetings ect...But when I learned about the "Disease of Addiction" I will say it is the most up right info on what, how ect . I posted a bit about it in "I Need hope:( **********) by frjs85 check it out. We have others who are on a roll to study this disease it is Hot Stuff and is a big part, besides all above, that keeps me safe at this moment.....Oh Yes I am one of many that went c/t I had no choice but I always tell other post please DO NOT go c/t...
GREAT JOB ON YOUR DAYS....
God Bless us all for the first step...
vickie
GREAT JOB ON YOUR DAYS....
God Bless us all for the first step...
vickie
The #1 thing I have learned in this process about myself is that I am not powerless over my addiction any longer. I am stronger than I gave myself credit for and growing stronger (and hopefully smarter) as they days pass.
I liked alot of things in jordans post also.I think right now that powerlessness is not the description I want to adopt for myself,or anyone else for that matter
If we could only just put down the pills, walk away and detox only, none of us would be here and there would be no such thing as NA or addiction specialists, etc. This is HARD work. I love Jordans post about goals and betting on yourself. Prove yourself right!! And cut your sources or tell them you have quit and don't want them to give you any. If they do, they aren't a true friend.
Powerlessness means using against our will. When we use we have absolutely no choice but to use. It won't stop until we admit we're powerless, and even then the pure insanity of our disease can cause us to use again and again. It's a three-fold disease; physical, mental and spiritual. All three of those fronts need to be worked on in order to put our disease on hold. Awhile back Gizzy wrote: we gotta change our entire thinking. That simple statement speaks volumes. It's about change. If we don't change nothing changes. Change takes effort. Effort requires the willingness to work for our freedom.
I go to NA. It's an absolutely free and simple program for a complex person like myself. It the aftercare option that offers me an entire set of steps to change me into someone i can respect. There are no demands. It just suggests that I take part in my own recovery.
I go to NA. It's an absolutely free and simple program for a complex person like myself. It the aftercare option that offers me an entire set of steps to change me into someone i can respect. There are no demands. It just suggests that I take part in my own recovery.
Yes eagle is right and I don't want you to handle it like I did -by staying relapsed and escalating for another 3 months until I had exhausted ALL of my resources-AGAIN
You have yet to do anything that most of us have not already done. Relapse is part of the game. Its how you handle it that is important.
We know you can do this.You know you can do this.The question is WILL you?
It's funny that you mentioned the harmless conversation and it is kinda sad at first to learn that conversing with anyone who knows you are trying to quit and still gives or sells to you is anything but harmless.I still have to deal with some of the people who use and now I keep the conversation very short and the visits even shorter.I wish it weren't that way but I have to do it in order to protect my sobriety and bottom line really just to make it easier on myself.Easy is what we need. Keep trying until the sobriety seeking part of you wins
It's funny that you mentioned the harmless conversation and it is kinda sad at first to learn that conversing with anyone who knows you are trying to quit and still gives or sells to you is anything but harmless.I still have to deal with some of the people who use and now I keep the conversation very short and the visits even shorter.I wish it weren't that way but I have to do it in order to protect my sobriety and bottom line really just to make it easier on myself.Easy is what we need. Keep trying until the sobriety seeking part of you wins
Yeah please keep in touch...you're not down for the count yet. Can you cut some sources so it's a little harder to access those pills? Keep trying..hard. Your efforts will pay off :)
And that's exactly how it happens! FAST! It happened to me. I didn't plan it or think about it. I just did it. I felt awful and never did THAT again!
Do you think you're ready to quit? You have to want this more than anything... Do you still have pills around? Keep in touch...
Do you think you're ready to quit? You have to want this more than anything... Do you still have pills around? Keep in touch...
I asked someone to get me something. I caved. I was having a harmless conversation w them when they asked how I was doing and it kinda went from there.
Nope no miracle for sure just life. Life is tough. Im still fighting the urges. I did bc it was there in front of me and yes I wanted to. I Havent been high in 4 months and was forgetting the feeling. I wanna getback on track. Easier said than done as we all know. The best I can do is try. Thanks again for the support and not being judgemental. You all are awesome. Ill keep you posted.
Well I think the first thing you need to do is understand the process.
IMO unprofessional, fellow addict opinion, you did NOT have a relapse. So stop being so hard on yourself.
I'm making a coffee, so "I'll be back" (insert Arnold's tone here).
IMO unprofessional, fellow addict opinion, you did NOT have a relapse. So stop being so hard on yourself.
I'm making a coffee, so "I'll be back" (insert Arnold's tone here).
I guess that "miracle" you were talking about the other day never happened.I am not surprised.I hope you are not surprised.
I know what the reason always is when I take a pill.It's because I wanted to.
Regroup and double your efforts. We want you to succeed and sometimes there is nothing magical about it.It just ***** and you have to go all of the way through it. Keep trying Keep trying
I know what the reason always is when I take a pill.It's because I wanted to.
Regroup and double your efforts. We want you to succeed and sometimes there is nothing magical about it.It just ***** and you have to go all of the way through it. Keep trying Keep trying
i agree with Vicki! don't give up...do some research in your area....i'm sure there's some programs for people that are out of work.....look at it as a set back...most of all don't take any more pills....get rid of ALL pills you have so there's no temptation...18 days is a great accomplishment! don't let your active addiction take over....do it for you AND your kids.
That's okay...But what do you think will help you? What caused you to take the pill(s)? That's what needs to be evaluated...
For now, if you don't want to stay on this path, get rid of temptation. It's nearly impossible to have pills in the house and stay away...especially in the early days/weeks.
Support is huge. Have you checked into any state programs in your area? I'm sure there's something. Start with your local hospital and ask if there are any addiction support groups held there. Many facilities run community programs.
Don't give up!
For now, if you don't want to stay on this path, get rid of temptation. It's nearly impossible to have pills in the house and stay away...especially in the early days/weeks.
Support is huge. Have you checked into any state programs in your area? I'm sure there's something. Start with your local hospital and ask if there are any addiction support groups held there. Many facilities run community programs.
Don't give up!
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- There is no "plan," for getting off drugs. There's no common process, perfect procedure, standard method, magic bullet, nor is there the holy grail of beating addictions.
- The only "plan" to get off drugs is the one personal to you. It is not a secret on why this is so, it's because no two addictions that are alike. (No two abusers are the same. We are all different mentally, physically, socially, and financially. (There's some other terms that end in "lly" that can make me look like I know what I'm talking about, but I will finaLLY end this paragraph so I don't look siLLY.)
The point is... when I read your post I immediately thought to myself "this person should not feel guilty, ashamed, or like a loser." Why? Because it is clear to me you simply don't understand the process, that is, how a "kicking the Satanic Drug Master's a$$ into a red pulp and into the abyss" plan works.
IMO a withdrawal plan works in stages, over months. Anyone who posts "I quit cold turkey, put up with the WD symptoms for seven days, and have been clean since" represents .000000000000000001% of the people who can do that. (Disclaimer: This statement is coming from someone who believes 80% of drivers need to be taken off the road because they are not qualified to propel two tons of metal at 80 mph :)
So what is the answer to YOU beating YOUR addiction? H€ll, I dunno, I'm just a guy typing on a computer while wearing a paper bag over my head (in case the govt. is spying on me through my notebook's built-in web cam). All I can do is make suggestions on what anyone and everyone needs to do, regardless of the personal plan they formulate.
More on this later, but for now you need to conduct what I call a " personal audit" of you as a person, and you as an addict.
The personal audit includes a frank self-assessment of your strengths, skills, abilities, and intellect. On the bad side, you need to accurately assess your frailties, weaknesses, vices, and flaws.
I recommend you create a Windows Notepad or Word file in which to write all this down. And be honest with yourself since this is your personal diary/journal. It is for no one else to see. (Tip: You should hide the file on your computer, or preferably password protect it.)
You need to do this BEFORE coming up with a plan that will work to get YOU off drugs. For example: If you look into your past and have honestly concluded that you set goals, but never get started to accomplishing them, or you abandon goals midstream, you have to be realistic: getting-drug-free is yet another goal that will probably not be met. But you can change the odds to where you would bet on yourself succeeding. First be realistic and honest with yourself.
Ask yourself: If a Las Vegas casino was taking bets on YOU fulfilling your goals, would YOU bet on YOUR attaining whatever goals you have set?
The point is, you have to understand everything about yourself BEFORE you can formulate your personal plan to beat a drug addiction.
Warning: you CANNOT model your personal plan after what others have done or are doing. We are all different, remember?! Testimonials that "I went CT and it was not so bad. It is like a bad flu for a few days" IMO don't help because we do NOT know the posters' personal physical and mental makeup, nor how drugs effect him or her. (See where some people are posting that they consider themselves a horrible addict because they are popping # 4 daily of 5/500 Vikes, yet others confess they are abusing # 30 to # 50 daily of 10/325 Vikes.)
Well I'm just yammering (is that even a word?) so I'll stop for now.
The bottom line: do your assigned homework and I'll later write page two.
Get the diary/journal started, conduct the personal assessment, then I'll talk about some techniques I have seen. (Note: Any plan will necessarily include days when you go "off plan," because that's a NORMAL part of the process. Sheet happens, as the old saying goes. When you have decreased intake to where you are down to # 4 pills daily and you have a day where you ingest # 8 pills, that is not cause to deem yourself a failure or to abandon your goal. As one person said somewhere in here, you dust yourself off and get back on the horse.)
Sorry for sounding like a TV huckster pitching Ginsu knives. But wait, there's more... (Not for now, I just wanted to say that.)