Frustrated, giving up not an option though!

[Jbean77]

I have been on a plan to cut my tramadol dosage for the majority of 2 months. I am getting so frustrated with the fact that at 2 pills a day (0.5 every 6 hours) my body feels like its I'm constant w/ds. Today I'm trying to take 1 tab 2x a day to see if that helps. Yesterday I had my first big slip up because I felt exhausted from all these w/d symptoms. I'm disappointed with myself and although I keep telling myself that I will get right back on track I just keep feeling like its hopeless.

I want to call my docs office and talk to them about c/t now. My hesitation is that his nurses treat everyone like an "addict just looking for more pills" vs understanding that some people become dependent on a drug and aren't out just to get another Rx or going to get more of these pills on the street. As a migraine sufferer I've been lumped into the "fakers" category too many times that I really get upset with the way people are handled. Also, considering I've been prescribed this med for 18 months, consistantly, like many of us on MH it's only understandable that we get dependent/addicted. It's like doctors irresponsible prescribing becomes our fault.

But I digress. I am at a loss of what to do, kinda. I kinda know what I need to do but am unsure. I need to function but I need off this med. today I have the worst headache, I believe a rebound from my slip up yesterday and I'm just extremely frustrated. I don't want to give up but I feel like it.

[Jbean77]

Thanks for all the support. Greatly appreciated.

[BelleFemme]

I know how it is to be frustrated with nasty staff....you had one slip, you learned a lesson, those rebounds are horrid.... so please do not beat yourself up...stay strong...time flies, and this to shall pass...you will come out the other side feeling so much better....my thoughts are going out to you....

Belle

[hydro_fool]

Great job on only 1 today JBean.   Keep up the great work!!!!!!

[Jbean77]

Thank you so much everyone. All the comments and PMs have helped alot!

My major headache from this morning is subsiding and I'm able to see more clearly that I haven't thrown everything away. I've chosen to change my method of taper a bit.

I thought back to when I somewhat unintentionally tapered off this years ago so I figured it could hurt to try that method. My method worked until this point so what's the harm in trying something different.

Also my dr appt is June 7, which I realize ultimately isn't that far away. I wanted to be off this prior to a work trip but I have come to terms that may not happen. No big deal in the big scheme of things. Right now I'm dealing with a lot of things going on like dance performances (yep, I'm a dancer and dance teacher on the side of my "big girl job") and such so I probably was taking on too much to specifically plan on being off this before recital time. Maybe it can still happen, but I'm not gonna beat myself up if its not. Just gonna try to continue to move in the right direction.

Thanks for putting up with my meltdown this morning and helping me through it!

[ariley13]

You've got this! Stay on the forum all day if it helps. Do whatever you can to keep busy and distract yourself. Don't let yourself dwell on the anxiety and physical symptoms. It will only make things worse. Keep us posted on how you're doing. We are here for you!

[Jbean77]

I can say this- for as horrible as I feel today, and I mean HORRIBLE, I don't know that I will do that again! I had been feeling better, besides the anxiety, but overall better with headaches and more like me. Now I feel hungover, sick, worst headache ever! Even had to come home from work. This is reminding me not to slip again! Lord just help me through today and I will NOT slip again. Even it I have to stay at a level like you say until my appt. I will!

Only taken 1 so far today, this morning at 530am so hoping I can get back on track!

[FourJays]

I know it is frustrating, but that is probably a good idea (to stick with the plan/level out).  Mid-June is not that far away (the way time flies!).  A few weeks is really nothing in the big picture when you consider you are making a change that will improve your life forever.  If you can level out at a comfortable pace until you see the Dr. and then go from there.  You will do this and it WILL be worth it :)

[Jbean77]

Well I was told my his staff that he has no availability until mid-June and that there is nothing they can do to get me in with him any sooner. Talk about amazing care.....smh. I love him, just really cannot stand his staff.

I don't know if today would be nearly as bad if I didn't have such am insane headache....which of course is my own fault.

Fourjays- I'm trying to stick to where I have been, well at least at 3/day since that's the last time I felt like I wasn't fighting a constant, never ending battle with w/ds. Maybe I just need to level out there for a bit. It's just frustrating to have to slow down and/drag things out unneccessarily

[FourJays]

Don't give up!  You have worked so hard to get this far and done so well with sticking to your taper plan.  I know you have had problems with the dr's staff; I would call again (and again and again) and keep trying to get in earlier to see HIM.  Until then, can you just stabilize where you are now and/or stick with the plan that he gave you?  I know you want off this med so you can get your life back on track, and you WILL.  Please hang in there - giving up is NOT an option!

[Jbean77]

Thanks hydro_fool  I do keep a journal of it, as I probably mentioned to you before. My doc has provided me minimal guidance to cut down. I have an appt set with him but not until mid-June. I had to reschedule my beginning of May appt until then due to work which is why dealing with his nurse practitioner is probably what will happen. My doc even knows I have an issue with the staff & np because of their attitude toward patients on pain meds. I am gonna call an try to reschedule to see IF they have anything earlier. Provided, I'm supposed to be on a "cancellation list" already to get an earlier appt but who knows. I'm kind of scared to have to deal with his nurse. He is great and understanding, and helpful though.

[hydro_fool]

Hi Jbean77.   You helped get me to where I am now, so please....PLEASE talk to your doctor.  I think you might be surprised at the support you receive.  Plus it is a very "freeing" moment for you in your recovery.  I know it seems hard but make the appointment.  It will be a load off your shoulders and help you move forward.  I made list of my daily dosage on paper.  I wrote it out for a 8 week plan and typed my time of day I was going to take a pill during the day/night.  Having it in front of me was a motivation to start taking less.  In other words... It was a HUGE accomplishment to see that I allowed myself to take 3 on a day and only took 2!   Of course make sure it is okay with your doctor.  Mine was all for me cutting it down more quickly.  WRITE IT OUT!  Without a game plan in place it is very difficult to stay focused and disciplined.  (At least that was the case for me)  You can do this!   You helped me soooooo much!  Stay strong!