Shouldn't hurt this much

[aloneandempty185]

I don't know where to start.  I had three years clean from cocaine up until a few months ago.  This is not to say that I have been clean.  I was drinking, smoking pot and taking all the pills I could get.  I've been clean from everything about two weeks.  In those two weeks, I feel like I have watched my life fall apart in a way that I could never imagine.  I came on this site looking for an old friend.  Even though we haven't talked in almost a year, he is the only person that I feel I can count on right now.  My family is treating me horribly and I deserve it.  I have no friends.  They left and I understand why.  I have lost everything right on down to my dog. My last real relationship.  Today I am sitting here, alone.  Craving anything that will numb me even just for a minute.  I am holding on to the idea of being sober and I don't know why.  I don't even know why, I am posting. I am hopeless.

[gizzy32]

It is amazing bubs. Glad your feeling a lil better today. One day at a time. Have I mentioned how happy I am that your back on MH? Keep it going girl.

[aloneandempty185]

Thanks for the cheer-leading.  Today was a little easier. Its amazing how far a little support goes. :)

[gizzy32]

Hope your doing ok today. Get your butt back on here and let us all give you support. I know you will get through this. Drugs s uck and you know it.

[FassFeat]

Congrats on the 2 weeks. Everyone is here for you. Good Luck. Glad you found your old connection on the forum, hope it helps. We are cheering for you.

[gizzy32]

Welcome back Bubs:)

First of all, you are not hopeless, you are an intellegent girl and a hard worker, but you have a disease that wants you dead. I told you all I know in the past and it never helped you. The meetings didn't help. So what are you going to change to stay clean this time? You know I care about you and it breaks my heart that your struggling now.

The note you sent me the other day, you asked for me to give you a verbal *** kicking so here it is, LOL. Pull your head out of your as s and wake the fuc  k up. Your too good of a person to let this destroy you. Your young, you have your whole life ahead of you and I believe in you bubs. All this can be fixed, you just have to find a way to stay clean. I wish you had a phone now so we could talk again, I want to help. You got a lot of support here and I hope you keep posting. We are all fighting for the same thing. Believe in yourself my friend. I have missed you. Send me a pm anytime.

P.S. Congrats on those 2 weeks clean now, I am proud of you for that. Hugs.

[avisg]

Hey !!!!! There are alot of people that care about you . You will get threw this and we will be here for moral support .hang in there keep posting

[aloneandempty185]

Wow. I guess I forgot how much support there is on here.  Thank  you all.  I took some suggestions and got out a little. I feel better and it is great to know that while I am wrapped up in my little world, there are still people who care out there. Thanks again guys

[gnarly_1]

HI and welcome back .....I see you have been a member since 2008 but I dont recognize your nic so you havent been around in a wile....so you like many know where to come when you hit rock bottom....we will welcome you here with open arms...congrats on 2 weeks clean
I know it dosent feel great right now but your off to a start and thats whats important ...I came here hopeless in sept of 2009 and have found much support and help getting off my vise witch was methadone...I dont think I could have done it without the help of this forum and God...but today I got 322 days clean...no one is hopeless....your situation will change
using right now wont fix your problems only make them worst...we will be here to encourage you and give you all the support we can but like IBK said you have to do the work...it sounds like your ready for this madness to end...hang in there we do this one day at a time
or just for today...you will get threw this just know you are on the right track and where all here for you good luck and God bless......Gnarly  

[cheesystick]

well let me just tell you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. i am having a terrible day. i was clean for a while, about a month, and i relapsed. i am so dissapointed in myself. when i was driving home from my parents earlier i even thought about driving into a tree. thats how down i am today. no one will miss me, and i just cant take this pain anymore. i cant quit crying. i havent taken anything today and am hoping that today will be day one of my sobriety. a second try. i know i cant keep doing this because its not making me happy. hang in there. hopefully things will get better for the both of us.

[jyv]

are you saying you have been doing pot, alcohol and pills this lat two weeks or have you been clean from them, also?  You are feeling the natural down after being high for so long.  Beating yourself up won't fix it it. forget those who judge you, they aren't you. DO get up and get your body moving---a walk a shower an ice cream cone, but what ever you can do to break your mood.  Reach out to us and keep reaching and talking about your self.  Hugs,jyv

[loveJwhite]

Check your inbox.

[IBKleen]

Welcome back!

I assume the old friend is Gizzy. He is still around but remember it is a holiday and it is very quiet today. If my guess is right, send him a message and he will get to you as soon as he comes on.

In the meantime, hopeless? I don't believe anyone is hopeless but you will have to get out of this "funk" and pick yourself up if you want to get and stay clean. Okay?

Let's start with no more drugs. Do they make you feel good and numb and take all those horrible feelings away? they sure do but as you are finding out, and so did I, that is short lived the more we use. After a while it just stops working.

It took me many, many years but I have found a way to learn to live without the use of drugs. I will not tell you every day is great but every day I don't use drugs is good. I have my ups and downs but that is life.

Today I have friends and I am employable and I am trustworthy. You can have all of that. I know what it is like to have your family treat you badly but if you get and stay clean you can earn their trust and respect back.

You need to do the work for this. We can support you, share our experience and tell you what has worked for us but you have to do the foot work.

I am glad you found your way back here and hope you stick around,. There is great support here.

[Violetblossom]

Hi,

I'm sorry you feel alone and empty.  Sounds like alot is going on due to your addiction.  Congrats on your two weeks clean from everything.  I don't know where you live, but why dont you go take a walk and nice brisk walk.  Or put on some good music and just lay there and think about how proud you are to be clean for two weeks.  Somtimes family/friends are not so quick to forgive.  Right now take care of yourself and everything else will fall into place.  Stay on here too....it's a good place.  

Do you have a game plan?