Aa
woke up thinking of using still thinking about it
my "friend" called me and asked me if i wanted to see him....i know im gonna have to block his number.....i cant keep him as a friend and also a pusher.
im on day four of subs but a small dose....im so conflicted.....i know what the right thing to do is.....but if i was any good at doing what was right i wouldnt be in this jam in the first place.
this is why i think subs suck...it gives you that safety net of oh i can use and just take a sub tomorrow and be fine....when you go c/t you feel every milligram you ever took forcing its way out of you body that alone makes you not want to ever go back....but im an idiot and i did......i dont wanna be a lost cause
im on day four of subs but a small dose....im so conflicted.....i know what the right thing to do is.....but if i was any good at doing what was right i wouldnt be in this jam in the first place.
this is why i think subs suck...it gives you that safety net of oh i can use and just take a sub tomorrow and be fine....when you go c/t you feel every milligram you ever took forcing its way out of you body that alone makes you not want to ever go back....but im an idiot and i did......i dont wanna be a lost cause
Best Answer
i agree kuku that was a great post a lil tough love.....spider i cant be babysat your right i need to be able to control my own destiny.
Hey there, thought I'd offer support here.....Kuku, awesome post. Real and raw and right on the money IMO. Couldn't have said it better.
Jay, the pills are too available to you sweetie. There is no way around this, only chance you have is to be honest and accountable to yourself. You can even get someone to babysit you through the sh*tstorm of w/d's but the fact remains you CAN'T be "babysat" your whole life. There needs to be an end resolve.
Who all knows your about your journey? Perhaps you'd have a better chance if you haven't already....make it more known to those that you find would be of support in the nature of which you require. I apologize, I should have read more backstory before that kind of advice but....you really could use to put yourself out there....the obvy is meetings and therapy and doctors care but I figure you probably are familiar with the deets on that vein.
I wish you success ....I know that you can do this...you need to believe that too hon. Hugs out
Jay, the pills are too available to you sweetie. There is no way around this, only chance you have is to be honest and accountable to yourself. You can even get someone to babysit you through the sh*tstorm of w/d's but the fact remains you CAN'T be "babysat" your whole life. There needs to be an end resolve.
Who all knows your about your journey? Perhaps you'd have a better chance if you haven't already....make it more known to those that you find would be of support in the nature of which you require. I apologize, I should have read more backstory before that kind of advice but....you really could use to put yourself out there....the obvy is meetings and therapy and doctors care but I figure you probably are familiar with the deets on that vein.
I wish you success ....I know that you can do this...you need to believe that too hon. Hugs out
COMMUNITY LEADER
Good on your for blocking that number!!!!
I swear every time I read some of what you guys post I get chocked up...in a good way...part of the emotional roller coaster ...I did block the numbers
I'm in such a better stat of mind today I have to say.....I actually am feeling strong enough to do it....I'm ready for the storm I want off this ride I've been on playing Russian roulete everyday I want a real life.
I'm ready to feel again I did it once I can do it again I have to forget the past have confidence today and not fear the future.....one day at a time....I'm not even thinking about getting high I'm just thinking about how good it will feel to prove all that doubt me wrong.
thanks for the words as always guys angels in disguise
I'm in such a better stat of mind today I have to say.....I actually am feeling strong enough to do it....I'm ready for the storm I want off this ride I've been on playing Russian roulete everyday I want a real life.
I'm ready to feel again I did it once I can do it again I have to forget the past have confidence today and not fear the future.....one day at a time....I'm not even thinking about getting high I'm just thinking about how good it will feel to prove all that doubt me wrong.
thanks for the words as always guys angels in disguise
Sorry, that post was meant for you, not kellygirll.
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That's why it ***** for you. You think you can do Subs and still use. Until you get your mind right and your life straightened out you're never going to be able to stop using drugs, Subs or no Subs. Never, unless it kills you first.
I was on 8mg Suboxone the last 2 years and used that time to break ties with the people I used to do drugs with, buy drugs from, and places I did drugs at.
Now I have a place of my own. I'm not spending every last dime I have on opiates and going to the local church for supper, my only meal of the day, because I spent all my grocery money on drugs..
I'm not spending 9-10 days at a time laying on the couch sick as a dog going through withdrawals, only to go find more opiates once I got well.
I don't have to worry about getting busted or shot, and I don't have to worry about where, or if, I'm going to be able to get the drugs I need to make it one more day through that hell that substitutes for a life. And I lived that life for over 30 years before I finally had enough of it.
3 months ago I started tapering myself down and went from 8mg a day to 0.25mg a day without so much as one night when I didn't sleep. It didn't even start to begin to compare with the withdrawals I went through from Methadone, Dilaudid, or Oxycontin.
Now I've been off all drugs for the past few days and not haven't any withdrawal symptoms or PAWS at all. I know about the long half-life, but was on 0.5mg a say for several weeks and 0.25mg a day for a few days before I stopped, so it's not because I still have a lot of it pumping through my system.
You can blame it on Suboxone, your friends, the dog, or anything else that you like, but it come down to you. It's your life, you are the one that has to change, and no pill is going to do it for you. It's only going to give you the chance to change, if you let it, and you work at it.