xanax overdose

[wanda_79]

i took 700mg of xanax at 1 time in hopes of suicide. i dont remember 4 days of what happened.it happened on tuesday and im now on sunday just recalling some things that i did . i think i had seizures. i was hospitalized, but dont remember much about it.i have bruises all over my body, cuts and even bumps on my head.and they hurt.....what happened to me. y taking that much y didnt i die. i know i drove my car and was stopped by a citizen and helped back home cause apparently i was swerving all over the road. i dont know where i was going!!! I JUST DONT remember the LAST FEW DAYS. i dont think the hospital knew what was wrong with me. is it poosible they did drug test and found that much in my system and helped me?i jUst need to know what happened in my life the past few days? AND  did the hospital save me?

[SHELLBELL79]

I just wanted to tell you that your not alone. This **** happens too so many women. My father was verbally abusive and my parents almost divorced 3 times...I was always the one in the ****. I don't have a relationship with my father and I went to therapy and found out that I can't change him or any other man and just have to accept that is how he is and take care of me. I am 29 also and have been through some hell myself. I was in a 6 year relationship with an alcoholic, verbally,pysically, emaotionally. We found out that he was bi-polar/sczo which made it worse. I felt like I could never leave him and that i loved him soooo much. Truth is that relationship had taken away 6 years of my life,he was very controlling like my father. I had realized for the last year we were together that,"I can't take this anymore, I am getting older, I can't marry him....We would go nowhere but downhill. Well I ended waithing ti'll he did something bad to me and he did......he freaked out and asked for the apt key back and I said no, so he was trying to hit me and i said try your going to jail. So I was covering my face and he punced mein the stomach and knocked the wind out of me and I called the police and he was arrested. I don't know how I did it but I have been cut off from him since 2004. I changed my phone numbers and told all my friends not to tell him anything about me. It was hard but I got over it. I still think of him from time to time...bu ti don't know if i was ever really in love with him ...I cared about him and was very co-dependant. I was told by a therapist that I would most probably pick me men like my father. Sad but true...i am single and now changing that big time. I know the red flags now! Oh and he also cheated on me all the time and said im soo sorry i love u.....blah blah blah! I didn't have kids with him and I know thats hard for you with him controlling you and using violence. Stay away from his *** and fight for your kids with the court and go to social services and let them know everything thats going on. There are so many resources. If you need to talk pm me ok. You are soo worth living, there is a reason God saved your life and you will b/c stronger and learn from this. I did and it was sooo worth it!

[raingrrl]

OK, first off, I get why you got suicidal.  I am not about to judge; this is a place I live in much of the time.  The only difference in that regard between you & me is that I have not acted on it (at least not recently).

This is a very, very dark place.  And I think I should warn you that once you start down that road, it never totally leaves you.  The thought that you could just end it will always be there, somewhere in the back of your mind.

That said, you are also a survivor.  I spent 9 years of my so-called childhood being raped and tortured.  This does not make me a victim.  It makes me a survivor, and when things around me are chaos, I can be one of the strongest people I know.  (I can also be one of the weakest) So draw strength from struggle, and don't give in.  Then they win.

[sadinmichigan]

I understand what yur going through. I felt the same way with my ex-husband and he did the same things to our children, sadly enough he still does. Thankgod they are now 19 and 17 . His family has $$ etc..and I felt like I had nobody. Many times i thought if my kids were gone I would either kill him or myself..but I got through it somehow and I had custody of my children...he didn't win in the end. Please try and find a support group. You are wise to document everything you can. He won't get away with this forever. Hold your head up high..you fight with all you have. And like the above post from Nursegirl..the best revenge is living well..and also it's the best for your kids no matter what. I am so sorry you are going through this. Where in Canada do you live? I am in Michigan and not far from Windsor..feel free to send me a pm (private message) if you'd like..God bless. You will be in my prayers.

[extrmeski]

That's why xanex is evil!!  you black out, I've done it before so I refuse to take them anymore.  To me they don't work for **** anyway.  They don't help my anxiety at all then they cooerce you to take more to get releif then you go into blackout mode!  
Believe me I've been where you are and suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

[marcatj]

stay strong girl!!!

things WILL turn out good for you in the end, if you really want them to.

i know it's tough... i know.  but again - things DO pass, and things CAN and WILL get better.

it's just time to roll up your sleeves and fight back, sister!!!!

and you have a bunch of new friends here to support you...

(and please consider counseling.. i can only tell you, for me, it was a lifesaver. and changed my world completely.  i am about 1000x times stronger now for it...)

you can do it girl. you can turn this around... you can! i promise you, you can...

warmly,
mj

[nursegirl6572]

You got some excellent advice...and I couldn't agree with everything more!

Read these posts over and over if you have to hon....there is some seriously valuable info here.....

I'm so glad for you that you survived your suicide attempt....you see?  You were convinced that somehow it was "your time"...but look...it wasn't in the cards...thank GOD!

You won't be without your children forever.  I know it is torture for you..but you need to work on YOU right now to be the best Mommy for them.  You need to work thru so much of your past hurts....from your Dad, to your husband....everything.  You know how losing your Dad to suicide felt.....don't EVER forget that...b/c I KNOW you don't want your kids to go thru the same thing.

Take this time to work on YOU...get some aggresive counseling...if you remain actively suicidal...go to your nearest hopsital.  There is NO shame in getting help!!!  There will be one day you will shudder at the thought of how close you came to the end...and how much you would have missed out on.  I know you won;t likely see that right now...but that day will come.

I know you want your kids with you...and I know you have a lot of anger towards your husband right now...and you may not care for what I am going to say......but, you are not in the best place right now to be caring full-time for your children.  You are vulnerable, anxious, scared, confused, hurt.  And, obviously...if you are suicidal, you are not in the best frame of mind.  

YOU are going to change that.  The BEST revenge, wanda...is living well.  When, down the road you can free yourself from this man...and be happy with YOURSELF because YOU have made things good for yourself and your kids....THAT will be the Karma.

The way you describe your relationship?  That isn't "love", wanda.  That is "habit" and "security" and things beig "familiar".  That feeling that you NEED him despite him not being good for you will fade with time.  

Start putting YOURSELF first and seek some counseling first thing tomorrow morning.  Start planning the future rather than living in the past.  You need to get legal visitations with your kids...petition the court however you have to.  While you may not be in a position to have custody right now.....you have every right to see your kids.  That is another reason you HAVE to want to help yourself and get professional help..b/c unfortunately a suicide attempt can affect a custody outcome.  Don't solidify what your husband is trying to convince others of.  If you are actively trying to help yourself...that will be in your favor bigtime.  

You will have a light at the end of your tunnel...it may take a while to get there...and will most likely involve some pretty aggressive therapy...but it will come.  You deserve to have peace in your heart.....not only for YOU but so that you can be the BEST Mom you can be.  Your kids love you unconditionally and need you to be well.

Hang in there...I'm sending my thoughts out to you.  

[wanda_79]

OH MY GOD. I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU TO EVERYONE. YOU REALLY ARE MAKING ME SEE THERE IS A WORLD OUT THERE BESIDES HIM. AND THIS ADVISE, EVERY1 I READ MAKES ME CRY, BUT IT MAKES ME STRONGER TOO. THANK YOU SO MUCH, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. I REALLY HOPE THINGS DO TURN OUT GOOD FOR ME IN THE END.

[Redbluffer]

I just wanted to offer some words, it really sounds like you need to forget about this guy. There is no one worth killing yourself over, but I had a situation where my signifigant other was a habitual cheater and I always took them back, up until the cheating escalated to my best friend. I honestly didnt feel like living anymore, but I never stopped wanting to live either. Sounds cliche but time really does heal, and just maybe if you can distance yourself and begin to work on you, things may begin to fall inline for you. I know what loving someone so much, and having them repeatedly cheat on you feels like. I was also bad mouthed and led on to believe that the relationship was going to go on. Trust me if this guy loved you half as much as you do him, he'd be there to help you. I like how you are documenting his messages and texts, cause sometimes a little revenge is necessary for you to heal. You are RIGHT he will get what is coming to him, karma really is a B@!$#, and he will have to deal with her someday. I wish you good luck, and your doing something for yourself by being here and letting your feelings be felt by others who do have your best interest in mind. Just try to channel those feelings into a positive outcome. You should never forgive him but do try to forget him, dont forget the experience because it is what got you here, you will be stronger in the end. I know it sounds bleak and lame, but you have to move on, dont give the satisfaction of control to anyone but yourself. I really hope there is something hear that will help you begin on your path to love yourself, and let your feelings and opinion flow, and people will help. You may be physically alone, but mentally we are all hear to try and help, ive had many struggles, and they do not define me, but rather how I deal with them is who I am, if I can offer any other help please let me know.  Good luck Wanda you certainly deserve it. Your friend, Red

[marcatj]

wanda.. you are boxing yourself in.

you didn't "sense" your death when you ate the bottle of pills; you CREATED that.

and i have to believe - since you said you are "madly in love" with your ex, that this is not all him.

i'm sorry to sound harsh.  but every post you are boxing yourself in with no solutions. you are making sure that there is no way out, and that it is all happening TO you.

do you really believe that there is nothing you can do - not one thing - to help make any of this better?

i'm NOT saying things don't suck.  but as long as you say "this is happening to me, and that is happening to me; and i can't do a thing" you can bet things will never get better.

i'm trying to tell you not to be a victim. i'm trying to tell you you DON'T HAVE to be a victim.

we all get a pile of cr** sometimes.  but until we say "hey, i got no one but me at the end of the day so what am i going to do?" instead of "whoe is me - everything happens to poor me" then nothing ever changes.. nothing.

wanda - take your power back.

[wanda_79]

hes making me go mentally crazy. i was never like this, now im bi-polar, have depression, anxiety, angoraphobia, social phobia, scitzophrenia, and many more. i thot maybe it was genetic cause my dad was those things and he succeeded suicide, and the sad thing was it was my mom, torturing him with me and my sister. he couldnt live without us either, and i feel like im following in his footsteps. ive had this re-occuring dream now for like 10 yrs, that im gonna die when im 29, i am now 29 and i feel my time is up soon, i dont know if its fear or my senses. i have psychic abilities of sensing things when something is gonna happen, and ive neevr been wrong. and im so scared. the hard thing is, i just found out i have cervical cancer, it just seems like this is HELL. this is where god puts us to the test.


my dad wrote me and my sister this poem right b4 he died, and its engraved on a plaque right beside me and it states:
A million people can never cry all the tears of our good-byes but i hope with faith anew that i'll again belong to YOU

i try to b so sttrong for my kids, but my moods go from good to bad in split second. its so hard to deal with life daily wit these things. im on meds, but they dont WORK.i want help. i just want all this to go away. i just want my kids home with me. i ahvent seen thiem in 2 weeks. i sit here everyday alone wondering whats next he's gonna do to me.im so scared to call cops when he harrasses me, cause he always wins and they told me that if they come back again, they were taking me to jail for some stupid charge. and all im doing is doing the legal way of handling things with him. he ripped my kids literally from me at there socceer game 2 weeks ago, and it was a big scene, and no one helped. every1 just watched as i yelled, no. i fell so powerless. he has so many ppl, money, family, anything he needs he gets handed to him by his family.

AND IM ALL ALONE

[marcatj]

wanda - what's going to happen to your kids when they find out mom committed suicide?

i understand life is incredibly hard right now.  i also know things change all the time, and never stay the same.

i know it's easy for me to say right now, but everything ultimately is under your control.

take some steps in the right direction.  you don't have to be a victim anymore - your dad is no longer here to abuse you.

as for your ex, don't play the game anymore.  a game stops when YOU stop. "madly in love" doesn't mean healthy or good for you.  or that you should be there.  but if you make this behavior ok in your life, it will just keep happening, over and over...

you can get your life back.  life doesn't just happen to us - we make it happen.

take one thing at a time and start to turn it around.  and please, please get some couseling so you can put the abuse behind you. so you can make some peace with it.

you can't get better feeling "whoe is me."  i'm NOT saying things haven't been tough.  but now, you have to take your life back.

get some help.  get some couseling.  get strong, because you CAN do it.

and your kids need you to, if you don't do it for you.

think of how your dad f***ed you up.  you want to be way better than that for your kids.

you can take your life back.  with some help, you can get back in control. but it is completely up to you...

good luck Wanda....

[wanda_79]

ya well u may say that now but put him in room with u 4 5 mins and he'll convince you im psychotic. but he begs me back everyday. im such a horrible person, he runs me down 2 every1 and makes me look like unfit mom, but he wants to be with me. eventually every1 will c the real him in time. im now recording his phone calls and documenting his texts. he has gf, that he denies 2 me all the time but wants me, says its not like that. last time it was like that cause i busted him and ill never forget it, i was with him 12 yrs, if u really love some1, u should shout it out to theworld, not keep it a secret, and the sad thing is IM MADLY IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN, y?

[broknbck]

well this guy sounds like a real SOB. you will need to get to know some people. there are groups that help out people in your situation. have you tried "google" for groups in your area?
i moved 2,000 miles away in Dec. and didn't know a soul here, or even have a job. I found some meetup groups on line that were looking for friends also. meetup.com has all these different groups that meet and get together. they have a group for everything you can think of.
They had a group called "girls new to Phoenix"-looking to meet new girlfriends. and they meet for dinner at restaurants and stuff and get aquainted. That would be a good group for you.
I have met so many really good friends from joining different meetup groups. It would really help you out to make some friends where you are at.  What is the town?

[joann1975]

I am not saying it's easy....that is not what I meant. What I was trying to say is it is important to be here for your kids and for yourself! I know you are going through hell and I am not discounting that one bit. I was so happy to read that you value your life. I am glad you do because you should! I was saddened that you would want to kill yourself and leave your kids with their abusive father. You need to be here to fight for them. It will be hard but you can win this....you just have to be around to try!

[wanda_79]

and just so u all know, ive realized allot the last day, and not knowing what happened bothers me, and i do value MY LIFE and im gonna fight till death for my kids.

[wanda_79]

well my dad commited suicide when i was 7, so i know how it feels.but u guys dont understand the torture this man has put me threw.hes abused me mentally, verbally and physically, and hes always gotten away with it. he broke my arm last month for trying  to leave and guess what, he got away with it once again.he uses our children to torture me and theres nothing i can do.i have no one, no family, nothing. im by myself in this damn city with no where to go, no one to turn to, and he continues to control. he cheated on me so much i just cant bare to be with him, and especially for the abuse he has done to me. you should see what his dog did to my daughters face. im crying right now,its always easy when ur on the other side.

[joann1975]

If what you say is true and you did try to kill yourself that way and are still alive I hope you realize that you are here for a reason!

Killing yourself b/c you don't have your kids isn't going to help THEM! You need to be here for your kids...how do you think they would have felt to find out you were dead? Would that make their lives better? NO, it would hurt them, permanently scar them and they would possibly have emotional problems for the rest of their lives. I think it is selfish to want to committ suicide b/c you can't see them. I realize reading this may sound harsh...I am saying this kindly b/c I had a friend whose spouse killed himself and their daughter will NEVER know her Daddy.

Please go to the ER and tell them you need help b/c you are suicidial. We here at the forum want what is best for you!

[joangy]

Wanda, I am an ER nurse and let me tell you... you are really lucky to still be here! There is definately some devine intervention here. First, are you sure you took 700mg of xanax?? The highest dose it comes in is 2mg- that would mean you too 350 tabs??  
Yes, the ER would have done a drug/tox test to see what was in your system, and yes they probably intervened to help save your life.
You are probably bruised and hurt all over from the seizures. And you were probably seizing because your brain wasn't getting enough oxygen (xanax depresses your respiratory system).
I guess this helps to answer your questions on the medical aspect, but I really hope everything turns better for you soon!! If you are still having thoughts of ending your life PLEASE call 1-800-273-TALK, it is a national suicide help line.  Your children need you, even if you do not have custody @ this time, they still need you!!

[wanda_79]

no im not taking any more. they are all gone. i took the whole bottle on monday,thats y i say i cant rem n e thing.u have no idea how hard my life is right now.im going threw so much and its so hard. i have 3 kids that i have custody of and my ex is with-holding them from me. thats y i did it. i cant live with out my kids. they r my life. im doing everything possible in court tomoro toget them back, but he has made my life HELL, because i wont be with him

[scaredmom330]

I know nothing about xanax but stay online there will be someone who will soon, please don't take anymore, please value your live.

[broknbck]

keep posting here and someone will be on soon. it is early yet.
i unfortunately have to go to work in the morning and it is only like 4:00 am here (west coast) so i have to get back to bed.
hope the day brings you some good things!

[broknbck]

What could possibly make you want to do something like that? I am glad that you have this opportunity to rethink it.

[wanda_79]

well i dont normally take it on a daily basis. i only take it when as needed. they are .5mg twice daily when needed. but i just had enough and took a whole botttle with approx 125pills in it, and dont rem nothing after.and no i dint get ne thing from hospital.i live in canada so maybe dif here

[broknbck]

Have you been taking the xanax on a daily basis? Addicted to it?
What had led up to your wanting to take your life? Looks like it just wasn't in the books for you to succeed. That is good. I hope that you are feeling differently about it now.

You probably got some kind of paperwork from the hospital, it should tell you everything the doctors found or did while you were there. It must be scarry loosing days like that.
Lets try to pick up the pieces here and find a better solution to what is going on with you.