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End stage stories
I'm bringing this topic back because it was requested. Anyways, if you have a story to share please feel free to post it here. I'm working on the med health page and I can add your story to it.
I think he should take a stab at being sober before moving on to the next addicttion. I agree that pot isn't as hard on your organs, although I think long term daily use will fry your braincells (this isn't from any medical study- I just know people who do this!)
If nothing else, you have to remove variables when you're dealing with a problem. If you add pot, you have another variable. If he is feeling strange, is it the pot, lack of alcohol, or another medical issue? Those are your variables, right? See if he can get his brain back on track with NOTHING, which is the natural way our bodies are meant to operate. I guess, that if he can't deal with that after a few months, you always have the "pot option".
Being sober isn't so bad, he just needs to realize this - -- and he'll never realize it while he's in the midst of drinking. I will say that sobriety is easier if you keep yourself occupied (no more vegging out with endless beers, like I used to do). It will be very difficult the first few months, but he'll know where he stands at that point.
This is where the "one day at a time" phrase comes in. It's difficult the imagine spending the next 30 years sober, so you don't - you just live each day as a separate item, and enjoy what you can on that day.
Getting his attention was a good starting point though. Stay on that angle- (ie: telling him you want him around for a long time).
If nothing else, you have to remove variables when you're dealing with a problem. If you add pot, you have another variable. If he is feeling strange, is it the pot, lack of alcohol, or another medical issue? Those are your variables, right? See if he can get his brain back on track with NOTHING, which is the natural way our bodies are meant to operate. I guess, that if he can't deal with that after a few months, you always have the "pot option".
Being sober isn't so bad, he just needs to realize this - -- and he'll never realize it while he's in the midst of drinking. I will say that sobriety is easier if you keep yourself occupied (no more vegging out with endless beers, like I used to do). It will be very difficult the first few months, but he'll know where he stands at that point.
This is where the "one day at a time" phrase comes in. It's difficult the imagine spending the next 30 years sober, so you don't - you just live each day as a separate item, and enjoy what you can on that day.
Getting his attention was a good starting point though. Stay on that angle- (ie: telling him you want him around for a long time).
Hi all...I finally had a talk with my husband last night, kept it about his health and my concerns and tried not to be critical or give ultimatums. I basically told him we needed him and wanted him around for a long time. He was very receptive, at least he listened to me...but I'm not thrilled with his idea. He suggested that he might quit drinking if I didn't have a problem with him smoking pot instead....he thought he'd need to take the "edge" off. I think he might possibly be substituting one addiction for another, but he will be giving his liver a much-needed break and healing period. Any thoughts from anyone that's been there?
I guess all I can do is try. When I bring up his drinking he gets very defensive and takes it as a personal attack, so I try not to focus on the drinking, more on my concerns for his health.
It's also a matter of timing, because the sober person I see in the morning is not the same person I see at night after work. He is much more receptive to a rational conversation if i can catch him before the beer starts flowing. Saturday or Sunday morning might be a good time, he doesn't drink coffee but will drink water or juice for a couple hours before I hear the can top pop and "it's 12:00 somewhere."
It's also a matter of timing, because the sober person I see in the morning is not the same person I see at night after work. He is much more receptive to a rational conversation if i can catch him before the beer starts flowing. Saturday or Sunday morning might be a good time, he doesn't drink coffee but will drink water or juice for a couple hours before I hear the can top pop and "it's 12:00 somewhere."
Alcohol dependancy will make you ignore these health issues. You lose a certain amount of rationality. I did this too.....for years, I didnt' want to know what was going on, even though I was getting more and more symptoms.
If he broke his physical addiction, you would see some rationality return. Until then, I would keep hitting him with the symptoms that you notice. There are a lot of people out there who wish they would have stopped drinking a little sooner, because they could have recovered. Your husband may still be at that place in his life (where physical recovery is possible).
Grace is correct - go read some of her older posts and you'll get her whole story.
I think the "one day at a time "motto has a lot of truth to it. It's tough to tell someone they have to quit drinking forever, because they don't want to hear it and a whole life of sobriety is too much to grasp. You could try telling him to take 3 months off to get his body back on track. Tell him to do it for you, and that it's only 3 months out of his whole life.
I say this, becasue that may be enough time to break the cycle, and you might be able to get him in for testing during that period. This is just a suggestion. That was how I stopped - I said I was going to lay off for a few months until my body got back on track.
Once I stopped, a lot of rationality returned, and I didn't want to go back to those daily drinking habits.
If he broke his physical addiction, you would see some rationality return. Until then, I would keep hitting him with the symptoms that you notice. There are a lot of people out there who wish they would have stopped drinking a little sooner, because they could have recovered. Your husband may still be at that place in his life (where physical recovery is possible).
Grace is correct - go read some of her older posts and you'll get her whole story.
I think the "one day at a time "motto has a lot of truth to it. It's tough to tell someone they have to quit drinking forever, because they don't want to hear it and a whole life of sobriety is too much to grasp. You could try telling him to take 3 months off to get his body back on track. Tell him to do it for you, and that it's only 3 months out of his whole life.
I say this, becasue that may be enough time to break the cycle, and you might be able to get him in for testing during that period. This is just a suggestion. That was how I stopped - I said I was going to lay off for a few months until my body got back on track.
Once I stopped, a lot of rationality returned, and I didn't want to go back to those daily drinking habits.
Grace, thank you for the information and the websites. I will call my doctor's office and look up what those numbers mean and take it from there.
I'm sorry for what you are dealing with now...and I am trying to convince my husband that it a miserable way to go. It's like I can see it coming, I just don't know when or what to expect and helplessly watching him suffer is something I dread.
His attitude is just so...I don't know, I think stupid is the only word that fits right now that I find myself getting more frustrated with him and his stubborness.
Good luck to you and your husband also Grace. It helps to be able to talk to people going through similar situations. Thank you.
Suzy
I'm sorry for what you are dealing with now...and I am trying to convince my husband that it a miserable way to go. It's like I can see it coming, I just don't know when or what to expect and helplessly watching him suffer is something I dread.
His attitude is just so...I don't know, I think stupid is the only word that fits right now that I find myself getting more frustrated with him and his stubborness.
Good luck to you and your husband also Grace. It helps to be able to talk to people going through similar situations. Thank you.
Suzy
From what you've said I'd bet your husband has ascites. Go here for explanation: http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec10/ch135/ch135e.html
If you are seeing a yellowish tint to the whites of his eyes, that could be a sign of the jaundice associated with liver disease. Go here for more information: http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec10/ch135/ch135b.html
You can call your doctor today and have them send you a copy of your husbands bloodwork. I get copies of my husbands every time it's taken. I keep them in a file for future reference. Once you have a copy of his blood work you can go here to get information on what each number means: http://www.labtestsonline.org/index.html
Armed with that information you may be able to convince your husband to get himself to a doctor for a complete physical. This will help your doctor know what to do to help him.
Good luck. I know how difficult it is to deal with a bullheaded husband. Mine ignore his hepatitis C diagnosis for years. He ignored the diagnosis of fatty liver for about 4 years and then he found himself in the hospital this past February with Hepatic Encephalopathy. Very nasty symptom of liver failure. The man truly thought he could dodge this bullet (HepC and fatty liver) but he was sadly mistaken. He goes for a liver biopsy in 3 weeks to find out the exact status of his liver. I'm afraid he has damaged it to the point that the only thing that will help him is a liver transplant and he can't get that until he has achieved one year of sobriety and is determined to be sick enough to be placed on the list. He has type O blood so he can only get a transplant from another person who is Type O. Our doctor says that could take quite some time. He may very likely die while waiting. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around all of that some days. Other days I just feel shell shocked. I knew this day would come...I just didn't think it would come without more warning. One day doing fine and the next almost in coma from increased ammonia. Scary.
Good luck to you and your husband Suzyq.
~Grace
If you are seeing a yellowish tint to the whites of his eyes, that could be a sign of the jaundice associated with liver disease. Go here for more information: http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec10/ch135/ch135b.html
You can call your doctor today and have them send you a copy of your husbands bloodwork. I get copies of my husbands every time it's taken. I keep them in a file for future reference. Once you have a copy of his blood work you can go here to get information on what each number means: http://www.labtestsonline.org/index.html
Armed with that information you may be able to convince your husband to get himself to a doctor for a complete physical. This will help your doctor know what to do to help him.
Good luck. I know how difficult it is to deal with a bullheaded husband. Mine ignore his hepatitis C diagnosis for years. He ignored the diagnosis of fatty liver for about 4 years and then he found himself in the hospital this past February with Hepatic Encephalopathy. Very nasty symptom of liver failure. The man truly thought he could dodge this bullet (HepC and fatty liver) but he was sadly mistaken. He goes for a liver biopsy in 3 weeks to find out the exact status of his liver. I'm afraid he has damaged it to the point that the only thing that will help him is a liver transplant and he can't get that until he has achieved one year of sobriety and is determined to be sick enough to be placed on the list. He has type O blood so he can only get a transplant from another person who is Type O. Our doctor says that could take quite some time. He may very likely die while waiting. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around all of that some days. Other days I just feel shell shocked. I knew this day would come...I just didn't think it would come without more warning. One day doing fine and the next almost in coma from increased ammonia. Scary.
Good luck to you and your husband Suzyq.
~Grace
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