I'm new here

[stillheart]

Just trying to get out some feelings
First of all I am not in my native country; I'm working abroad and I'm very alone
See, being alone is not new for me, but it's triggering something in me
Recently I got a gut feeling
one of those aching ones that is screaming the answers at you
I keep drinking and drinking and drinking
wash away emotions so i don't have to feel
wash away shyness
I feel like i'm putting on a mask with every single sip
it's extreme
and
i found that i'm unable to stop
there's always a temptation
and i find it almost unbearable to resist the temptation
so many times have i just told myself NO
or at least TRY not drink for a couple weeks
but i've failed everytime
then i start to FEEL like a failure.. which causes me to drink
it's been 14 days sober
but i went grocery shopping today and u know what
i nearly cried while walking past the wine section
i wanted it so bad but i kept walking and i should feel good about resisting
but theres just a knot in my chest
i thought/wished i was stronger than this
sometimes i find myself wishing i never decided to stop

im alone. nobody knows that i am really making an effort to stop
it's too embarrassing
and i dont think they would take me seriously
i hate feeling weak.. and i don't want to appear to be weak either
because actually i know im strong
theres a terrible voice in my head telling me i'm not.

what do u do when you wish u never tried to stop?
what do u tell yourself?
this has probably been the hardest 2 weeks of my life.

[KjFlicka]

Congrats on making a really hard choice!  I always thought that if you stopped drinking by choice, it would be ten times harder than having to quit like I did for medical reasons. At least I didn't have a choice. Sending you strength and support via telepathic internet connection. ;-)

You know what's funny now, too?  It's like a badge of honor to say I totally stopped drinking. As much as I am a complete fool for doing what I did to myself, I am also sooo proud for stopping. I'd tell anyone if they asked.

[MGM155]

I know what you're going through and am glad you found this forum.  It's so good to be able to talk to others who know the pain.  Please check in when you can and talk awhile.

[stillheart]

thank you for your responses! sometimes i just need to write out how i'm feeling, but it feels good knowing you took out the time. thank u for the encouragement.

i haven't found aa in korea so i found this forum instead

[boogieman]

hi there. yes, it is difficult at first. and it has nothing to do with willpower. alcoholism is characterized by a mental obsession and a physical allergy, which in its early stages manifests in things like cravings and dysfunctional cognitive processes.we drink with the false belief that we can keep doing the same thing (drinking) but avoid the same results (negative effects). as the condition progresses, these repercussions tend to become more and more severe. have you tried aa? it is the single most effective resource available, please advise as there is a way out. take care----gm