Having no off switch when drinking socially

[Cah12d]

Hello,

I am 24 years old and am a graduate student. Throughout my life I have made mistakes when drinking too much and blacking out. At 19 I blacked out and got on my motor  scooter at 4am and got a dui. That night was the first night I have drank in like a month. Throughout my undergrad I have made poor decisions when drinking like bringing home women I would not usually sleep with, drinking and driving, and blacking out and and waking up the next day wondering what happened. 2 days ago I went to a social gathering, was drinking heavily, blacked out, threw up on my friends floor and then punched him in the nose when he tried to help me. I am truly scared. I don't feel as if I'm an alcoholic because I don't feel a dependency. I drink about 1-2 times a week. When I'm at home I can control my intake to at a maximum of 3 beers just to wind down. When I am in a social setting where alcohol is involved I feel the need to drink as much as possible. I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and I feel that it is social anxiety that drives my  urge to want to get drunk when in a social setting. I have worked so hard for everything I have and I am worried that 1 night when drinking socially I'm gonna push it too far and I will lose everything. I enjoy drinking but I want to be able to enjoy control when I'm out at bars or parties. I'm going to try to set a mental note of a 3 beer limit when not driving and a one beer limit when Driving but I'm not sure if this will work. I need to do something before I make a life threatening mistake.

[Kktarms]

,,

[ibizan]

You should google The Stages of Alcoholism.There is genetic predisposition,i PERSONALLY know that!My blackouts and out of control behavior started at your age!Please hedd the WISDOM of Tink here, she has LIVED the sadness of having an alcoholic mom in her life!Alcoholism does run in families!

[TTinKKerBBell]

Denial is a VERY powerful thing, my Friend;  

You 'justify' TOO much!! WAY too much!! I hear SUPER justification (denial) - from You - as evidenced by Your math !! as well as other 'justifications' You make here

You are mistaken in summing up my definition of an alcoholic.  You said I think an alcoholic is "anyone who drinks and has made a poor decision while doing so".  

That is not so.  What I AM saying is anyone who drinks IRRESPONSIBLY yet CONTINUES to drink,

anyone who BLACKS OUT yet CONTINUES to drink,

anyone who "brings home women You would not ordinarily sleep with" yet CONTINUES to drink,

anyone who "wakes up the next day wondering what happened" yet CONTINUES to drink,

anyone who "punches a FRIEND in the nose, yet CONTINUES to drink,

anyone who says "I am truly scared", yet CONTINUES to drink,

anyone who says "in a social setting You feel the NEED to drink as much as POSSIBLE", yet CONTINUES to drink,

anyone who says "You are WORRIED You will push it too far and lose everything", yet You CONTINUE to drink

YOU said ALL these things, my Friend.

and I say

ANYONE who CONTINUES to drink when it is has become problematic to Their life and well being IS an alcoholic.  

One doesn't have to be the 'sort' of alcoholic Your Mother is (or that my Mother was, for that matter) to, none the less, be an alcoholic.  You, my friend, have a 'problem' with alcohol - and that EQUALS alcoholic.  There is no 'shame' in that realization - in fact, there is ONLY admiration and respect for Those who recognize Their alcoholism and CHOOSE recovery!!
Recovery is NOT an "easy" path.  It takes a lot of conviction, CONTINUAL dedication and CONTINUAL work.  

and DENIAL stands in the way of making that CHOICE.  I hear MAJOR denial from You.

That being said, deciding that You are "sick of being a monkey" is a step in the right direction and You will find a lot of support and encouragement here from MANY who have 'been there, done that'

GoodLuck
Regards
Tink


'

[Cah12d]

I blame the binge drinking on the whole phrase "money see monkey do" I see people downing alcohol at a social event therefore I must do the same to be apart of the group. My problem is that my off switch breaks after about beer 4 and I don't stop. I'm sick of being a monkey.

[Cah12d]

To me an alcoholic is someone that craves alcohol. Someone who feels like they cannot go without alcohol to function in their everyday life. My mom is that someone. She lost her job, has gotten two dui's, and used to hide bottles of wine around the house. Me? I'm not an alcoholic. I can go without alcohol but when I do CHOOSE to drink at a party or an event where the main intention of the event is to drink with friends I can get out of hand. Do I do that every time I go out and drink? No. These whole "black out" events have happened about 3 or 4 times in my life and I have been drinking since 16 and I'm now 24. Let's do some math. I'll round the blackout rage events to 5 just to assure precision. If I have been drinking on an average of 2 times a week for 8 years and there is about 52 weeks in a year that's 416 weeks in 8 years. If I have been drinking an average of twice a week for 416 weeks that is 832 times I've drank in 8 years. Let's move that up to 900 for precision. Now if I've blacked and done something stupid about 5 times of those 900 times that is about a 0.55 percent occurrence rate. What I am worryed is it takes 1 time to black out and hurt someone or myself and lose everything I have.  Do I make poor decisions when drinking? I am prone to them yes because that is the very nature of alcohol! To me you define an alcoholic as anyone who drinks alcohol and has made a poor decisions while doing so. If that is the case then everyone who drinks is an alcoholic. Give me a 12 pack and a bottle of whiskey and put it in my house and come back in a month and there will still be some there because I drink moderately when at home but I feel the urge to binge drink when at a party where binge drinking is occurring! I admit I have a problem. I binge drink at social events and become intoxicated and am prone to making bad decisions amongst other people who are doing the same thing. It may be because I still have a college mind set of "partying" and "getting wasted" where you have no problem going to a 10 dollar all you can drink bar and get drunk among the other 10 people in your group who aim to get drunk as well. That's what KIDS do in college. They get drunk on the weekends and pass their tests and succeed on the weekdays. I just now feel like this "binge" drinking at social outings needs to stop for me personally because of the very fact that I'm sick of the hangovers, the poor decisions, and the money spent as well as the overall health risk. Could binge drinking potentiate to alcoholism? Yes. But I shall not let it control my life.

[TTinKKerBBell]

.......and so how, I ask, do YOU define an alcoholic ????

This is an important question !!

I would define an alcoholic as someone who does not (cannot) drink RESPONSIBLY - whether or not He THINKS He's addicted !!

AND
I would define an alcoholic as someone who CHOOSES to drink even though He realizes how VERY problematic it is to Him when He does drink

AND (taking Your own words)

I would define an alcoholic as someone who "blacks out, gets on His motor scooter at 4am and gets a DUI"

I would define an alcoholic as someone who "makes poor decisions when drinking like bringing home Women You would not ordinarily sleep with",

"drinking and driving",  

"blacking out",

  "waking up the next day and wondering what had happened"

I would define an alcoholic as someone who at a friends house "drinks heavily",  "blacks out",   "throws up on friends floor",  "punches friend in the nose".

I would define an alcoholic as anyone who does not/cannot/will not, drink responsibly and in my book:  You're it !!

But, let me ask You - why might You listen to my opinion or anyone else if You don't heed Your own warnings??!!  Besides the incidents You describe here You also acknowledge that:

"throughout Your life You have made mistakes when drinking too much",

"I AM TRULY SCARED",  

"when You're in a social setting You feel the NEED to drink as much as POSSIBLE",

"You're WORRIED that You're going to push it TOO FAR and lose everything",

"You need to do something before You make a life threatening mistake"

These are all YOUR quotes!!  

The blackouts are a HUGE danger (warning) sign and You are CHOOSING to drink in spite of them.  In my opinion You are an alcoholic and  You should stop drinking entirely

If You don't take the FIRST drink, You won't have to worry about what happens next

AND

one is too many because one is never enough.

GoodLuck