I don't know where to start

[tmac72]

Im dating a guy with a drinking problem. While this may sound weird on my part, I am sure some of you will understand. If you met this guy, you'd never know that he has a problem. We've talked about his drinking and he is very open in talking with me about it - admits he has a problem - wants to quit -  He's told me that he's drank since high school (he's now turning 40). He's a great guy, with an awesome personality - his drinking does not seem to have any effect on that. He is the single parent of 2 boys that he adores and takes GREAT care of. He does not drink in front of his children and from what I have gathered the drinking happens at night after the boys are in bed. I don't really think he drinks to 'get drunk', (he never acts drunk) I think he has done it for so long and his body is so dependent on it that he just does it to 'maintain'.? This is the part that may sound weird to you - the main problem I have with his drinking is wondering what damage he has done to his body so far. Like I mentioned earlier,  to meet him, you would never know that he has a problem. I've 'monitored' his drinking and he seems to drink a 5th of vodka every couple days. I have never dealt with anything like this and don't know where to start. Based on our talks I am pretty sure he is open to getting help, I would just like to have some information on hand to 'suggest' to him. Any advice given would be greatly appreciated!
Thank You!

[ibizan]

good for u!glad u made decision ur comfortable with..so nice to see common sense and healthy decision making in this forum!:)

[tmac72]

Thank You for your comments! I just wanted to let you know that I have decided to back out of this situation. With my co-dependency issues I have - I think I just thought I would help him and help the kids too. Thank God I opened my eyes and took everything into consideration before I got myself into another mess! Thanks for your concern! You gave me alot of things to think about!!
God Bless & Take Care!
Tmac

[tmac72]

THANKS for your posts. ALOT of useful advice.  Not much time to write right now, just wanted to say 'thanks'. Will post more later

[Jacker]

Nobody gets a free ride forever.  There will be consequences (physical and otherwise) to his drinking if he continues. I thought I was invincible, but crashed and burned right before I turned 42.  The other thing is that over time, drinking always gets worse....not better.  Sometimes it can be a slow progression, and other people take the fast lane to the bottom.

Many alcoholics treat their families just fine, but we still put them at risk with our drinking.  Sometimes we drive under the influence.  Or pass-out while the kids are in bed....what if there was a problem with the kids while he was sleeping it off?

I guess I'm trying to say that he's on a path to self destruction, and you need to understand this.  He needs to decide to tackle this problem before it goes too far.

[rod44]

Many with drinking problems will talk the talk but few will walk the walk, for me that was the easy part, reaching out for help was not......I agree with ibizan & Sara...
So if he is willing to go to for help and is honest then he deserves support, if not then you will end up getting hurt. Recovery must start with him....

Ray

[dominosarah]

If he doesnt get help for his drinking problem now in time you WILL know he has a problem.  After awhile that 5th of vodka wont do it for him.  You can monitor him all you want and he will catch on and then start hiding it from you too.  If he is open to suggestions like you say and he is worth sticking by then mention going to some meetings, him to AA and you to Alanon.  I would also bet those kids know something is going on.  They are smarter than you think......sara

[ibizan]

A good start is for him to go to his local county outpatient substance abuse facility to get an evaluation by a licensed substance abuse counselor.If he is unwilling to do this for himself then that speaks volumes.....not ready to address the drinking issue.You should not be monitoring his drinking.... I know...hard for u not to do it but ur setting urself up for a lot of frustration and being a alcohol consumer policewoman which a relationship should not be about.Might help u to check out an Al-Anon meeting for urself!