Aa
Out of control
My dad has been an alcoholic for at the very least 21 years... His alcoholism has gotten so out of control, i would check his local news every so often thinking he would be in it. And only recently he landed on the news... A mix of alcohol and anger issues leads to unwise moves... I try talking to him and reasoning with him... But he always says i dont understand nothing... He believes that when he does something wrong or out of character... He blames it on black magic... His denial is just so strong i cant get through to him. It also doesnt help that i live in another state... He has been consistanly drunk... His wife has stayed home with him for the past two days and she cannot stop him without triggering his angery side... What to do ?
Hello... Thank u for your advice... I think im getting to the point... I was considering flying up there to see if i could do something... But he basically disowned me because i suggested jail time so he could sober up... He even got mad at my brother for something irrelevent ( but i also told him to call and check up on our dad) its just so scary that my dad has gotten to this extent... Heathwise im sure this drinking has already taken a toll... When he stopped drinking for a while he definitely went through severe withdrawal... Now all the legal woes... Financial problems... My step mom calls me all the time because im the only one who is responsible for him... Shes at witts end and complains to me about the situation expecting me to do something... I wish there was a way i could send him to rehab but its unfortunately true that u cant help someone who does not want to be helped... Thank u all for ur advice... It reaffirms all my thoughts.
ps.. and when you do talk to him, make sure he's sober.. there is no use talking to them when they're drunk.
I am so sad for you.. one thing to know is that alcoholics look for any excuse to drink. When you say something to him or someone else concerning his drinking, that fuels the fire. I know this for a fact. I have spent many years getting mad at my husband and saying things about his drinking. He would get mad back at me, sulk up and start drinking (heavier than normal). Well, I got to the point where I started drinking myself so that I would not worry about anything.. I've been trying to live in never never land.. it's not working out too well..
You might just have to sit there and do nothing, except just let him know you love him. He's apparently not ready to change.. if you have to say something, just tell him calmly and kindly that you love him, care for him and are concerned for him.. that you will be there for him when he needs your help.. when he's ready to sober up.. then just leave it at that. Doing this is atleast doing something..
If something was to happen it would NOT be your fault whatsoever!! Believe that! I hope you find peace soon and I hope your dad chooses the right path eventually. Best wishes.
You might just have to sit there and do nothing, except just let him know you love him. He's apparently not ready to change.. if you have to say something, just tell him calmly and kindly that you love him, care for him and are concerned for him.. that you will be there for him when he needs your help.. when he's ready to sober up.. then just leave it at that. Doing this is atleast doing something..
If something was to happen it would NOT be your fault whatsoever!! Believe that! I hope you find peace soon and I hope your dad chooses the right path eventually. Best wishes.
Thank u both for ur comments... I understand u can only help those who want to be helped... The only problem is he is near rock bottom... But his anger issued mixed with his alcoholism is seriously dangerous... I dont live in the same state as him so by the time news gets to me, something serious has happened... Even after wrecking a fancy car... Gambling away 20k he did not have.... Going on rampages... Lastly shooting a gun in the air in public... He still has not come to reality... He was put in jail so many times that hes become so used to it... With that last incident he was arrested...i told my step mom he needs to stay in there to sober up... She bailed him out anyway... No hes furious at me because i told my step mom that he needed to stay in there... Since then has has not been sober for even a second... His drinking problem has escalated to beyond his problem.. I think him going to jail was the best outcome... Id like to reach out to recovering alcoholics but i know that there will be a cultural barrier because of our ethnicity... He doesnt really trust outside of his own kind per se. Ive read books on intervention but problem is we can afford to send him to rehab and again that cultural indifference comes into play... I cant just sit there and do nothing... I feel like if something was to happen i would be partially at fault...
I am speaking as an alcoholic and my own personal experience. I am 9 years sober.
Reasoning with me when I was actively drinking was a waste of time because in my warped state of mind the people who tried to reason with me could not understand, I was not drinking from a bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag while laying on the side of the street so how could I be an alcoholic, the more you reasoned the more resentful I became of you. In some ways drink was my God but I thought I was in control, I knew I was a heavy drinker but so were all my "friends" I thought life's problems were due to depression.
Getting in trouble meant nothing in the context of my drinking, I could find plenty of reasons or excuses other than drink for any problems.
It was when I hit rock bottom that I was willing to listen and even then I was reluctant to hear all that was said to me, I heard what I wanted to hear and put the rest aside. The only person who I would honestly listen to was someone who I could relate to, another drunk like myself. The people I eventually listened to were recovering alcoholics. I was at that stage a broken man, no family, no friends, no home and no money. I was in poor health both physical and mental after years of abuse. I was in hospital and the doctors asked two people from Alcoholics Anonymous to talk to me.
After talking with thee people I began to think that maybe I was more than just a "heavy drinker" and that maybe all my problems were not caused by depression. The fog slowly lifted.
Nobody could change me, it had to start first with me understanding and accepting that I had a problem and secondly that drink was my problem. I think it was by listing to the story of the two gentlemen from AA who came to visit me in hospital,they told me how it was for them when they were drinking, what recovery was like and what life is like for them now. What they had to say began to slowly sink in, I recognised my self in their story's, I could identify with them, slowly I began to changed my thinking. I wanted what they had.
Recovery must be the choice of the addict and they must want it, they must do it for themselves or it will not work.
Ray
Reasoning with me when I was actively drinking was a waste of time because in my warped state of mind the people who tried to reason with me could not understand, I was not drinking from a bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag while laying on the side of the street so how could I be an alcoholic, the more you reasoned the more resentful I became of you. In some ways drink was my God but I thought I was in control, I knew I was a heavy drinker but so were all my "friends" I thought life's problems were due to depression.
Getting in trouble meant nothing in the context of my drinking, I could find plenty of reasons or excuses other than drink for any problems.
It was when I hit rock bottom that I was willing to listen and even then I was reluctant to hear all that was said to me, I heard what I wanted to hear and put the rest aside. The only person who I would honestly listen to was someone who I could relate to, another drunk like myself. The people I eventually listened to were recovering alcoholics. I was at that stage a broken man, no family, no friends, no home and no money. I was in poor health both physical and mental after years of abuse. I was in hospital and the doctors asked two people from Alcoholics Anonymous to talk to me.
After talking with thee people I began to think that maybe I was more than just a "heavy drinker" and that maybe all my problems were not caused by depression. The fog slowly lifted.
Nobody could change me, it had to start first with me understanding and accepting that I had a problem and secondly that drink was my problem. I think it was by listing to the story of the two gentlemen from AA who came to visit me in hospital,they told me how it was for them when they were drinking, what recovery was like and what life is like for them now. What they had to say began to slowly sink in, I recognised my self in their story's, I could identify with them, slowly I began to changed my thinking. I wanted what they had.
Recovery must be the choice of the addict and they must want it, they must do it for themselves or it will not work.
Ray
im an alcoholis aswell, i made my families life hell for years, unfortunately until he sees what is happening and wants to do something about it, no amount of pleading or asking will do anything, what saved me was AA, even then it took me 3 years for the penny to drop. ive been sober for 5 years in october and there is a life after alcohol(its a lot better). he has to want it.
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