He had a stroke. Not a big one. It is on the left temporal lobe but deeper in the brain. Its a small bleed and they are hoping to clot it with blood platelets. They also did an ultrasound on his heart and on his liver.
Funny. He said "Gee I hope I didnt screw up my body too much". I guess that is the denial that he could ever screw up his body with alcohol.
What a mess.
He was "fine" when i left for work this morning if you consider what our new normal is as fine. Now i am sitting in the hospital waiting to see ehat my next new normal is. While we were waiting for them to come with the tests he had a seizure. So i am waiting. Freaking out.
This is a busy weekend. No rest for the weary. It is the weekend of the ice show at the rink where she skates. So there have been rehearsals every night this week. The show is Friday night and Saturday night. My daughter is in 4 numbers so she has a lot of costume changes. I also have to help a couple of the other girls change.
My dad and 2 of my sisters are coming to the show tonight.
On top of that there is an anime convention that my daughter wanted to go to since last year. Of course it is the same weekend. She wanted to play with the anime orchestra. So we have the convention in the morning and the ice show in the evening.
Then the rest of the summer there is nothing.
I'm wiped out. AH woke me up at least 3 times overnight. He just fell off the couch. So i had to change him and get him back up on the couch. I am wondering how much longer I can do this. At some point I suppose I will need to put him in a facility if they will take him.
This is a busy weekend. No rest for the weary. It is the weekend of the ice show at the rink where she skates. So there have been rehearsals every night this week. The show is Friday night and Saturday night. My daughter is in 4 numbers so she has a lot of costume changes. I also have to help a couple of the other girls change.
My dad and 2 of my sisters are coming to the show tonight.
On top of that there is an anime convention that my daughter wanted to go to since last year. Of course it is the same weekend. She wanted to play with the anime orchestra. So we have the convention in the morning and the ice show in the evening.
Then the rest of the summer there is nothing.
I'm wiped out. AH woke me up at least 3 times overnight. He just fell off the couch. So i had to change him and get him back up on the couch. I am wondering how much longer I can do this. At some point I suppose I will need to put him in a facility if they will take him.
The weekend is here again, hope you get out and take some time for yourself. with a friend. maybe 4 wheeling this weekend?
Glad to hear it that you looked after you, for awhile anyways. I'm all for beauty sleep. Well i guess yours is more about sanity sleep. Good for you.
I took the day off but didn't tell my husband so i got to sleep in. Lol. Now that he knows I am home I am screwed. But at least I got to sleep in!
I'm smiling here....GO SKATEMOM!:)and keep it up.....smiling is essential for keeping whats left of your sanity!
His urine is getting darker and he is peeing less. He is sleeping more and more. I keep checking him to make sure he is breathing.
When my daughter and I got home from the skating rink there were 3 police cars, an ambulance and a fire truck on our street. BUT they were not in front of our house.
A bit of a funny little story....on Sunday he requested that I help him walk outside and climb up into his race car to see if the seat is adjusted properly. LOL I laughed right in his face and told him if he can get up and walk himself to the bathroom I would most certainly walk him out to the race car.
He did not budge.
I try to find the humor in things. It's what helps me cope.
haha that made me laugh. Thanks btw, it really made my day. :)
Good to know you've got a pal out there, and especially one that understands. How sad for him to lose his fiance to an overdose. It simply boggles the mind how senseless all of this loss is, doesn't it? I think the hardest thing of all to take is the fact that people can't get talk therapy (even here in Canada) without paying through the nose. There are so many simple underlying issues that could be addressed and worked on, and so much of addiction would be nipped in the bud.
Why can't there be a Psychologists Without Pay program out there? It could be incorporated into any college or university course, and allow these kids getting their degrees some major hands on action in the work force. It would help to balance out a heavy academic schedule. It's a crying' shame is what it is.
I had to shake my head when you wrote that your husband asked "what his life had become?" with You changing His pants ~ typical alcoholic mindset only thinking of themselves (ourselves) instead of the other guy. He's a lucky man to have you. I'm in my mid 50's and the other day Gerry and I were talking about what we'd do if one got sick enough to be bedridden and in need of that kind of care.The jury's still out.
haha that made me laugh. Thanks btw, it really made my day. :)
Good to know you've got a pal out there, and especially one that understands. How sad for him to lose his fiance to an overdose. It simply boggles the mind how senseless all of this loss is, doesn't it? I think the hardest thing of all to take is the fact that people can't get talk therapy (even here in Canada) without paying through the nose. There are so many simple underlying issues that could be addressed and worked on, and so much of addiction would be nipped in the bud.
Why can't there be a Psychologists Without Pay program out there? It could be incorporated into any college or university course, and allow these kids getting their degrees some major hands on action in the work force. It would help to balance out a heavy academic schedule. It's a crying' shame is what it is.
I had to shake my head when you wrote that your husband asked "what his life had become?" with You changing His pants ~ typical alcoholic mindset only thinking of themselves (ourselves) instead of the other guy. He's a lucky man to have you. I'm in my mid 50's and the other day Gerry and I were talking about what we'd do if one got sick enough to be bedridden and in need of that kind of care.The jury's still out.
Sometimes when your world is so screwed up---Going four-wheeling and having a blast, and forgetting everything else ......IS THE BEST ANSWER!!!!
Haha. I have no idea how I checked this one to make it the best comment. LOL.
L.
It just figures I got sick over the weekend. I think it was allergies more than anything, but good grief!
So I will reschedule with my friend. He told me to stay home and get rest. His fiance killed herself several years ago. She overdosed but it was the alcohol that drove her to it. He knows all too well what my days are like.
I hate hearing the stories of the people who die way too young and have so much going for them.
We had a friend many years ago, he got caught in flood waters where a ditch washed out. His car landed on top of another car. They only found the second car because they found him. Both of them died.
I remember my husband holding his head way back them saying it should have been him and not this other guy. He knew back then how much he was wasting his life on this addiction. I remember telling him to make some sense of the tragedy and work towards making his life better. Obviously he never did.
Yesterday, as I was changing his pants for him he said yet again "what has my life become" I told him it was the same as it was when he said that the day before that, and the day before that. He is just feeling sorry for himself anymore and not trying to anything about it. He has given up.
For those of you battling this disease and working hard to stay sober I congratulate you. For those of you stumbling along the way, I congratulate you for not giving up. Keep it up! You are all doing great. If you don't think you can do it, I know you can, because you wouldn't be on this forum working so hard otherwise.
L.
I hope...just for a few hours...when you're on that 4 wheeler....your mind will be free and and the dog chasing its tail thoughts dissipate....for that moment!:)this man does not deserve YOU!how he wastes life!just this morning i read an obituary of a 32 year old woman who died from ALS...very accomplished in life,so many things she didn't get to finish...what she most likely would give to have the breath he is NOW wasting!sigh!
I hope you have a restful and lovely weekend., and still manage to go on Sunday. i've never gone 4 wheeling, but it sure looks fun.
Thanks for the positive feedback about my parenting. I really appreciate it. I read the poem and it brought tears to my eyes.
I have been dealing with the drinking for the better part of 20 years and I still find it amazing that the exact way I feel can be summed up in a poem, or explained by someone the exact same way I would have. It is comforting to know that there are a lot of people out there who totally get what I feel.
He spoke of the hospital this evening... Just like he does every night. I asked him when he thought he might want to go and he said "at the last possible minute. I don't want those A-holes taking care of me".
I know how to pick my battles so I didn't comment.
I'm glad the work week is over. Hopefully I can sleep in tomorrow.
MEGA positive energy out to you in a most trying situation!You've taken too much but handled it like the strong woman you are. Google the poem Comes the Dawn and you'll see!
Prayers out to you Skatemom. You are fighting the fight for you and your daughter and you are AMAZING! Keep the focus on her and how she is managing...she is giving you the cues and you are reading them. You are a strong lady in a very difficult situation.
Prayers out to you!
Thanks Liz. I also talked to his younger brother yesterday. It went much better than I thought it would. I'm just so full of anxiety and unnecessary guilt.
I know the three c's. I didn't cause this. I can't control it and I know I can't cure it. But I will always have in my mind that everyone is saying behind my back that I could have or should have done more. That if only I had put my foot down just a little bit more then he wouldn't be in this state.
I come home full of anxiety wondering what I will find when I walk in the house. I'm getting very little sleep because he keeps waking me up for something or another.
One of my friends invited me to go four wheeling on Sunday do I think I am going to go. I need a break. And it sounds like carefree fun.
My daughter has a research paper due tomorrow and she got it written but didn't get to the works cited page. It was late and so I told her to go to bed and I would put it together for her. It took me 2 more hours because I had to figure out the way it needed to be done. I can't even imagine how long it would have taken a 12 year old with no attention span!
All is finally quiet in the house. I think I will try to get some sleep.
I'm glad that you two are so close, and super glad that your daughter felt able to reach out. No doubt because you let her know it was okay. So, good job Mom. I'm really sorry that you're going through such pain right now. God knows This Too Shall Pass. I pray for your husband's health, and your spirit.
Liz
Thanks for your comments. I have asked her numerous times about going to alateen or talking to a counselor. She doesn't want to have anything to do with it. I explained to her that she is in a safe place with other kids who know how she feels. But still.... She gets very upset when I try to discuss it with her.
I have encouraged her to talk to the guidance counselor at school. She had a particularly rough day one day last week and broke down and went to the guidance counselor and talked about alot of stuff about her dad and home life. I was so glad she did. I followed up with a quick email to the guidance counselor to thank her and she told me she was glad my daughter finally did come talk to her. She has also told a few of her closest friends about her dad. I told her that was fine. That's what friends are for after all... and I am glad to know she is building strong friendships at this age.
I worry a lot about what she is going through. Taking care of her and making sure she is safe is my first priority. Love that kid lots.
Sorry if i repeated myself. It's hard to edit everything in these little tiny boxes.lol
Liz