Please help, alcohol problem and alone

[kingfisher35]

Hi I'm new to this site and would really like some support to tackle my drinking problem. I've drank excessively since I was 18 (I'm a 35 yr old female) but things have got much worse recently and I know I've reached a point where I need to stop drinking.

Up until yesterday I was in a relationship which I thought was going well. However we were both a bad influence on each other with drinking, regularly getting wasted when we had nowhere to be the next day. At weekends I would get through at least 2 bottles of wine. He could easily get through 10 cans strong lager, particularly as he drinks during the day because he works night shift.

We got into a pattern of drinking heavily but I seem to have got worse than him because I have forgotten whole conversations and fallen over drunk. Last weekend I fell over in the bathroom after smoking a cig out of the window. He came in and filmed me on his phone then showed it to me to show how bad I've gotten. I admitted I've known for a while that I've got a problem but have been too scared to get help. 1 because I have a young child (the bad benders happen when he's at his dads) and 2 because I am a support worker and don't want to lose my job.

It all came to a head on Saturday night. My son and I have practically been living at his for the last year and after a row I said it would be best if I stay at my own house for a few days. Yesterday he told me he doesn't want me back....over text.

I'm too ashamed to talk to anyone about it and am having to put on a brace face for my son who doesn't know I've been dumped yet. I have a doctors appointment on Wednesday but scared to admit my problem because I'm frightened I'll lose my child and/or my job.

I have been drinking two bottles of wine a night since last summer but I am so ready to deal with this, I cut out one glass of wine last night and am going to cut out another tonight. I woke up in the night sweating and was a bit shaky just before lunch but that's about it. I feel sick and have no appetite but part of that could just be the emotional upheaval.

I think I'm cutting down at an ok rate and wonder if I should just keep cutting down and maybe keep quiet at the doctors but get my blood pressure checked. I've had high blood pressure before caused by a traumatic time but it settled down. I am so lonely and would appreciate any feedback from anyone out there

[ibizan]

Thank you for posting!I personally understand the shame/guilt experienced to admit a substance abuse problem.I've been sober/clean for 33 years now.Please be honest with your doctor and I'd recommend finding a good licensed substance abuse counselor to assist you w/staying sober.If you allow your shame to keep you silent,and this worsens,you could jeopardize keeping custody of your son and keeping a job.Losing a relationship does hurt,but from what you describe w/this one it appears to be a detriment to you stopping drinking!