Self Rehab

[johnself]

Apologies if I’m not following posting protocol here.  Newbie. I’m an alcoholic and against the proverbial wisdom I readily admit it, which I suppose according to the cliché is the first step.  

I became addicted to alcohol after I inadvertently became addicted to Xanax.  I know it sounds like a specious scenario, but that’s really what happened. Anyway, that’s how I became an alcoholic.  I really don’t buy the line that it’s a disease.  A disease to me is malaria.  I didn’t “catch” alcoholism.  I certainly was predisposed to it, but it seems much more like a learned behavior exacerbated by strife.  

I think I have a pretty good understanding of the reasons I drink.  I think the whole Xanax affair may have just hastened the inevitable.  Why was I taking Xanax in the first place?  It all boils down to high levels of anxiety and trying to tamp it down.  With the Xanax I didn’t know what I was getting myself into, with the alcohol I did.  

Sorry, that was quite the long lead in.  My question is: what advice can people offer to quit this?   Beyond the conventional.  The thought of getting up in a room full of strangers and saying “I’m John and I’m alcoholic” seems ridiculous and more importantly extremely unhelpful.  And, as I said I think this is primarily a behavioral problem rooted in trying to tamp down the heightened anxiety I’ve suffered all my life – exhibited primarily by chronic insomia.  

I was sober for about 6 months and have lapsed a few times since then.  It is completely in step with those periods where I have high levels of anxiety.  I am of the opinion that the alcoholism is primarily a symptom of  anxiety.  So,  I readily buy into that part of rehab that addresses the psychiatric and behavioral facets of addiction, but the idea of sitting around in a group sharing is anathema to me.  I’d rather have pins shoved in my toes.  

I guess that’s it.  I realize I have a problem.  I realize I need help.  I also am of the firm conviction that AA or conventional rehab would not be useful.  What other options are there?  

[Tink70]

You do not know yourself.   That is the point. (But you are quite arrogant in a very apologetic way but again, I give you kudos for even posting your dilemma - that was probably very hard for you)  Abuse/addiction to any form of a mood altering substance is the desire to change the way one feels run amuck!  In my case - I'm a bi-polar, alcoholic.  I used it not only to change the way I feel but to also unconsciously regulate my brain chemicals.  Emotional and Physical. Addiction is both things. (But, of course, you know that!)  Along the way - totally stunted my emotional growth so - I don't know myself and unless you didn't touch a drug/drink/mood alternig chemical until just recently then you, too, have some very unhealthy emotional factors.    And yes, AA is an outlet.  There are AA groups EVERYWHERE!  You would be surprised.  I bet there is one in the little area of Indonesia that you are going to - call the AA 1-800 number and check.  The one on one interaction is what the sponsor is for.  I have a lot of friends in my AA community here in Alabama that don't say a word at meetings but they work very closely with their sponsors for the exact same reasons you have listed and then have an outside counselor/PDoc.  
At the very least - buy a Big Book and read it.  You can order it online.
Glad that I touched a nerve.  Hope that all goes well for you and that your trip is successful.  Geographical cures are never the answer but work is work.
Hope all goes well.

[BANDIDA]

John, aside from your posts and all the advice and comments that people have given on this site...It all boils down to "where theres a will, theres a way", Surabaya or wherever. You have no way of knowing what is available until you get there. If you don't seek it out you won't find it. I myself lived in Karachi Pakistan many years ago...There are expatriate communitys that exist that probrably have groups that deal with addictions. It's all up to you! Don't make excuses your just hiding your head in the sand. Terry

[jml1986]

I just want you to know that I have felt the same way about alcohol as far as the disease word goes. That is a conversation that my husband and I have had on several occassions. I have always been a realist, and anyone that is like me would say the same thing that you and I have both said, it is not a disease if it is self inflicted. So, I you are right about it beeing semantics, because for me it is easier to accept if it is called what it truely is, which is an addiction. Neither word really matters as far as that goes, what matters is that you are an alcoholic and you have expressed desire to stop, and that is what is important.

I also understand what you are saying about going to group meetings. Not everyone is comfortable in group settings, my husband included. I would suggest you look into individual counseling. Therapist focus on several different things and alcohol abuse is one of them. I think it could benefit you in more the one way, you said you have severe aniexty issues which caused to go on xanax, which in turned led you to alcohol. Maybe if you worked on your aniexty you would feel more like you were in contol of your life and how you live it.

[ibizan]

disease..illness...allergy...compulsion...psych disturbance.....behavioral problem...however u define this IT 4 urself is personal but what is most crucial is what u choose to do about it!!!There r many different roads to recovery..and what will work for one may not work for another..both of u must find what works for u and to stop it from affecting areas of ur lives if it is doing so!I attended AA,NA,Rational Recovery...each program had something 2 offer me..i took what i could use and left the rest!!!!if i hadn't of done so i would not have what i have today...and there were many fine inspiring ppl who helped me on my journey and still do so today many outside the rooms of recovery!

[johnself]

Thanks for your comments jml1986.  I am an alcoholic and it makes minimal sense to me.  So I can only imagine how difficult it is for someone who hasn't experienced it.  I don't really think I can handle this on my own.  To be honest I hadn't really thought through what I expected from posting something on here.  I had just got to the basic thought that I needed to do something and maybe there were some alternatives out there I wasn't aware of.  

And thanks for your description of AA, but even if I changed my mind about it, that's really not a viable option.  I will be moving to Indonesia in a couple of weeks and I'm fairly certain AA isn't active in Surabaya.

I appreciate the input from you and others.    

[Suzyq0826]

I think that people make choices all the time, and the reason they make the choices they do is not always within their control. I might have oversimplified my perception of what an alcoholic deals with. As the wife of an alcoholic, I live with his struggles every day. He is not trying to quit drinking, and never will. I don't have a problem if he could have a couple of beers after work and leave it at that. I like a glass of wine or two occassionally myself. It also does not interfere with his employment or parenting, he's not mean or abusive...he just drinks until he falls asleep...so let's say it just doesn't do a lot for our romantic life. I accept it, I love him and my main concern is his health. I really believe that if I gave him the ultimatum, "stop drinking or we're through", he would just leave and drink himself to death somewhere.

As for the Xanax..I still keep my prescription filled, but my doctor watches me closely. He won't write a refill without an office visit. I don't need them like I used to, but it's a comfort knowing they're right there because unless someone has suffered anxiety attacks, it's very difficult for that person to understand what it's like. Every once in awhile my husband will see me take a Xanax and ask "what's up now, why are you taking that?, What did I do now?" Sometimes there is no reason...it's not like a tragedy has to happen or he had to do anything to make you run for the pills, sometimes it's just a feeling that you don't even know exactly why you're feeling it. But, if you've been there, then you know that. But when I don't take them for awhile, I haven't experienced any withdrawal symptoms or inability to sleep, but I do know people that have. My prescription is 1mg...I know it's water under the bridge for you now, but if you were in the States, your doctor would have (or should have) reduced the dosage gradually so would not feel the effects of withdrawal and started drinking.
I really wish you the best....hang in there, you have the desire, which is a good portion of the battle.