I'm back

[Up_N_Down_Again]

Hey everyone. Some of you might remember me from last year as Up_N_Down. I posted a thread about my alcohol/drug issues last Feb. Anyways I just thought I'd check in and thank everyone that encouraged me with their support. I've strung together some sober stretches since I left the forums last winter. I managed 44 days clean and another stretch of 17 days but both attempts ended with the same old story. Still stuck in the same cycle of bad drinking episodes lasting from morning till late at night and mixing other drugs every nearly every single day. Before those attempts my best was 2 days so I was encouraged. I feel like I've gained some perspective however despite the relapses and just wanted to update my situation since I felt bad about just leaving everyone who tried to help me last year in the dark. Anyone have advice on kicking cravings and dealing with withdrawls? Might be headed to treatment next month but I havn't committed fully yet.

[Up_N_Down_Again]

thanks rod...a support network, that's what I'm looking for at the moment. although when someone says 20 years of drink to me I can't help but think damn I'm not done yet. I've only drank for 9 years! I know this is just my "disease" talking but it makes me think I can keep doing this for years to come and thats scary.

[rod44]

The key to getting sober is a good SUPPORT network. I spent years trying to get sober MY WAY and it never worked. I eventually and with some reluctance asked for help, this was the first good thing I did in 20 years of drinking.
I went to a treatment center & AA and this helped me to get and stay sober.

[charley27]

yes i have experienced withdrawals and i myself felt like i was dying, not good at all. im feeling better now day 5 of being sober, the first 3 days was living hell. sweats shakes sickness no sleep, hallucinations.paranoia, what annoys me that i always say never again will  i put myself through that again, yet somehow i always do. hopefully not this time. i have too much to lose, keep posting, take care x

[Up_N_Down_Again]

Thanks punkinhead...good advice. haha the don't drink or use part is alot harder said than done as i'm sure you know as well. Its scary how addiction makes you think. I just realized that even though I posted about being clean for 44 and 17 day stretches thats not true. I didn't drink for that long and battled the withdrawl but i was smoking weed every waking hour so I guess that shouldn't count as being clean. Taking that into consideration now I probably haven't had a real "clean" day in my life since I was 18(6 yrs ago). Also the part about just staying sober today makes alot of sense thanks again for the reply.

I am starting to wake up from all this since I've had some near death experiences already (bad car accidents/ODs) and will look into attending a meeting possibly. This might sound dumb but what is expected of you at meetings? I've never been to one and I'm not a big talker about subjects like this in person or really at all.
.
And Charley thanks for sharing. Glad you didn't drink while pregnant. Also good for you on trying to break the cycle...I'm gonna try and give it another go as alcohol has been messing with me far too long as well. Hopefully you don't get withdrawls yet cause they really suck. I've went cold turkey twice after heavy daily drinking for years and It felt like I was dying.

Again thanks for the replys everyone take care.

[charley27]

HI LIKE YOU I AM VERY UP AND DOWN, AND IN A COMPLETE VICIOUS CIRCLE , IVE NOT DRUNK FOR 3 DAYS BUT PREVIOUS TO THIS WAS ON A 5 DAY BINGE. THIS SEEMS TO HAPPEN MORE AND MORE OFTEN. I WONT DRINK FOR MAYBE 3 WEEKS AND THEN START AGAIN. LONGEST PERIOD OF ABSTINENCE WAS 2 MONTHS, EXCEPT WHEN I WAS PREGNANT. ALCOHOL IS SERIOUSLY MESSING WITH MY MENTAL HEALTH AND INTERFERING WITH MY WORK, FAMILY ETC. I WILL BREAK THIS CYCLE AND HOPE TO BE STRONG THIS TIME. DONT GIVE UP.

[Punkinhead75]

Hi and welcome back.  My suggestions are fully commit, go to mtgs, get a sponsor, do the work and don't drink or use.  Having someone to call during tough times helped me out a lot and I'm clean and sober today because of it.  I had to want it though.  I didn't always like it but I knew deep down the right thing to do and did it.  We're here to help and I wish you the best of luck.  Remember its not the amount of days that matter.  What matters is staying clean today.  Take care.