Aa
Was I right?
I just left my husband of 3 years due to increasing violence and anger while he was drinking. This last time he beat my son (his step-son) over something as trivial as putting down an ipod. Now he is texting me and attacking me saying what a piece of crap I am for packing all our stuff and leaving when alcohol wasn't and isn't the problem...that it is me and the kids that are the problem. I am trying to stay strong but this is getting to me. I know alcohol is the problem. I know I did the grown up thing and the right thing leaving a situation that could only get worse with time. I keep telling him that he won't be able to understand and change until he is ready himself.
I am already dealing with the guilt of leaving and upending my children from a great life that I provided them (he didn't work much I had to do most of the support). How does one stay strong?
I am looking for al anon support groups where I currently am....I am hoping that I did the right thing and am saying the right things to him.
I am already dealing with the guilt of leaving and upending my children from a great life that I provided them (he didn't work much I had to do most of the support). How does one stay strong?
I am looking for al anon support groups where I currently am....I am hoping that I did the right thing and am saying the right things to him.
Best Answer
Congratulations for being strong and leaving. You did the right thing trust me. I am a sober alcoholic and we can get very cranky, mean and abusive. I finally got scared when I drank the last time and could have been in big trouble and finally quit drinking. I was fed up with myself, and although most of the time was a nice person, I knew one day something bad may happen if I drank too much. I also was tired of having to always drink at night. I went to a recovery program and learned the twelve steps, and learned how to change my way of thinking and how to change my attitude. They made me take anger management also, everything irritated or made me mad and used to make me drink. I learned to cope properly, and just live life, and be grateful, happy and help other people. They taught me so much and it sunk in and I am so grateful to be released from my prison of drinking. But until I was ready nobody could make me quit. Yes, go to Alanon for support, it will help talking to others. Proud of you, stay strong.
Thank you....he emailed me....(I couldn't figure out how to block that) and proceeded to keep up his attacks on me and especially my kids....I was in the middle of fixing my car with a friend and his wife took the liberty to email him back about what she thought....he blew a gasket and stopped communicating with me...thank god....one less stress!!!
Glad you are safe, yes, don't trust him as anger during drunkenness can be very dangerous. He needs to get some help for himself or he will likely be sobering up in prison, which he probably belongs. I am so sorry your family has to go through these horrible times, but always believe you are strong and totally right for saving your family and leaving him. He won't change no matter how much he says it. Recovery programs, and anger management takes almost an year to complete, a long time. Lots of people relapse, and the drinking is worse. You are a strong and brave woman and an inspiration for others to leave thier abusive alcoholic partners. Stay strong, so proud of you!! If you need support leave me a message, I will be there for you anytime, O.K?
Judy
Judy
We are safe. I changed my number and moved to a friends. I don't know if he was drunk...most likely was since that is all he does from wake to pass out....
Was he drunk when he texed foisting blame on you.
These relationships are much more complex then the public believes.
My husband didn't drink, but abused me about once every three years.
I have permanent headaches.
A book called "The Batterer,". opened my eyes to the different types of abusers.
He was generally adoring.
I have financial issues, which he hide, then disclosed to work out with him.
Do leave if he won't get help, but it warrants repeating this is the most dangerous time regarding abuse.
These relationships are much more complex then the public believes.
My husband didn't drink, but abused me about once every three years.
I have permanent headaches.
A book called "The Batterer,". opened my eyes to the different types of abusers.
He was generally adoring.
I have financial issues, which he hide, then disclosed to work out with him.
Do leave if he won't get help, but it warrants repeating this is the most dangerous time regarding abuse.
Raevy,
I have research wife abuse to the point I could teach it. It's purely about
power anc control. Also, although you're correllating alcohol abuse and wife abuse they are two distinct different issues each of which should be treated
seperately. Abusers constantly shift blame to their wives. He's
manipulating you into feeling guilty and in typical abuser fashion is foisting
the blame on you. TEXTBOOK BEHAVIOR. When the abuser is scared his wife might leave is the MOST DANGEROUS time for the woman.
Does he show signs of jealousy? Change the locks. get a restraining order. Unless, there's something good about the relationship. and he agrees to both treatment for domestic violence and to quit drinking,
leaving is dangerous, but best.
I assume he was abused.
Beating my child would make me want to kill him.
Sure, Al Anon would be good support.
Research wife abuse, but the passive images of the women are
stereotypical bull.
Do not fall for his manipulation. It is not your fault.
YOUR IN DANGER, SO IF HE REFUSES HELP,
CHANGE THE LOCKS AND GET A RESTRAINING ORDER.
DO NOT GO TO COUNSELING WITH HIM. WIFE ABUSER LIE.
He must get treatment of the kind with other wife abusers. He must quit
drinking. Make sure your safe and your son, as leaving the relationship triggers their fear of abandonment.
Domestic Violence is about power and control. PERIOD.
I have research wife abuse to the point I could teach it. It's purely about
power anc control. Also, although you're correllating alcohol abuse and wife abuse they are two distinct different issues each of which should be treated
seperately. Abusers constantly shift blame to their wives. He's
manipulating you into feeling guilty and in typical abuser fashion is foisting
the blame on you. TEXTBOOK BEHAVIOR. When the abuser is scared his wife might leave is the MOST DANGEROUS time for the woman.
Does he show signs of jealousy? Change the locks. get a restraining order. Unless, there's something good about the relationship. and he agrees to both treatment for domestic violence and to quit drinking,
leaving is dangerous, but best.
I assume he was abused.
Beating my child would make me want to kill him.
Sure, Al Anon would be good support.
Research wife abuse, but the passive images of the women are
stereotypical bull.
Do not fall for his manipulation. It is not your fault.
YOUR IN DANGER, SO IF HE REFUSES HELP,
CHANGE THE LOCKS AND GET A RESTRAINING ORDER.
DO NOT GO TO COUNSELING WITH HIM. WIFE ABUSER LIE.
He must get treatment of the kind with other wife abusers. He must quit
drinking. Make sure your safe and your son, as leaving the relationship triggers their fear of abandonment.
Domestic Violence is about power and control. PERIOD.
Caught you again! :-) I feel so bad for you, hun. I know very well how hard this is to do. YES, you did the right thing. As far as what you say to him, it needs to be made clear to him that you will not do anything for or with him until he gets treatment. If his calls are upsetting you, ignore them. My heart continues to go out to you and your children. Blessings - Blu
COMMUNITY LEADER
How does one stay strong?You are one strong lady to have left this insanity and to not expose ur children or urself to any more abuse!Since you are the one working the most and providing for their needs....and urs....sure sounds like u will continue to do the same!Oh yes...u did the right thing....and said the right things...and he will do the usual active alcoholic thing of trying to wear u down and have u believe this is all your fault.......but don't cave in!Pls keep us posted on attending al-anon and starting a new life!
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