have i got a problem?

Question

hi im 32 years old and enjoy a drink but im worried its becoming a problem i do drink most nights and sometimes drink too much but then again i can easily have a night off, i dont drink in the day unless its a special occasion ie: christmas. most of my friends have the same drinking habits but im worried its too much i suffer from anxiety but wont take any meds because with most of them u cant drink and when i do drink my anxiety disappears. 
so do u think i have a problem or is it me just worrying??
thanks

surfergirl10 · Answer

May I ask...How did you initiate your decision? what were your steps? what did you do first etc? There truly is nothing like a cold beer in the heat...but I am not sure if I can stop? Sometimes I can...sometimes I can't. HMMM.

suespun · Answer

Hey there, I also have anxiety.  I have been nervouse since I was a small child.  I went on the medication and continued to drink, more and more heavily.  I decided I was an alcoholic, stopped drinking, joined AA and am now off the medications for anxiety.  
My husband and almost all of our friends drink.  They all know I am alcoholic.  I have come to the point when we, husband and I, are going to a place and I know there will likely be drinking, I tell my husband we either leave when I feel I need to  or we take separate vehicles.  This seems to be working.  
Surfergirl, are there any open AA meetings near you? you could take the kids to them.

surfergirl10 · Answer

thanks....I shall try to use an off switch. I haven't really thought of that. Great ideas. glad to hear that it isn't as hard as some may think.thanks

Jacker · Answer

If they are really friends, they won't push you into drinking if you're trying to quit.  as a mother of two, it's probably time to stop the "drink till you drop" routine so your kids are a good excuse to your drinking buddies.  Since you only drink every 1-2 weeks, you could try limiting yourself to a sane amount of alcohol BUT if you can't control yourself then you really have no choice but to stop.  You have to have an "off switch".  
I started off with binge drinking at 15, and that was my main form of drinking until I was 27.  At that point, I decided that I wanted that same good buzz every evening, and moved into daily drinking - that went on for another 15 years.  When you get in that boat, it's very hard to stop - I tried numerous times.  The only thing that stopped me was a final jolt of fear for my life (physically). I cut back in consumption last summer, and I stopped for real in december - had a slip recently, but I felt so terrible phycially that I don't think it will be a problem.   I'm at the stage now, where my body won't process alcohol very well, so I really feel terrible the next day.  Now that I'm sober, I've been to numerous family events where almost everyone is drinking, and it really hasn't been that bad - it's not as impossible as I thought it would be to hang around them.  
In the short term, you probably need to stay away from the friends during the time they are drinking AND think of some other escapes (besides the drinkng binge).  You said you have no suport from your husband? - tell him you're trying to be a better mother - that might shock him into it, and maybe he'll cut back too.

lilyput · Answer

i'm like you. i only drink 1 time a week (friday nights) and when i do drink i get really, really drunk and get cranky with my hubby. that, and i seem to lose my judgment, so i've drove drunk before, and some other things i'm not to proud of. also, once i started drinking on fridays, i couldn't/didn't want to quit. i would stay up til 5am drinking....

and like you, i never drank when i was really down. only when i was happy, restless, or irritable. 

as far as your friends go, if you will tell them that you are trying to stop drinking for a while to see how you feel, i'm sure they'd be happy to find something else to do with you other than drink. if they are good friends they will be happy to help you. if they have an alcohol problem, well....they may not want to do something other than party. if that's the case then you need an additional set of friends for when you don't want to drink. i'm not saying to get rid of your drinking friends...but you do need to have people that will support you in not drinking.

i think you are very, very wise in seeing that you could develop a serious problem if you don't stop. alcohol is cunning, baffling, powerful and is fed by denial. if you continue to drink you may wake-up one day a chronic, hard-core alcoholic before you know it.

i decided that i am an alcoholic even though i only drink once a week. even though i'm not physically addicted, i am emotionally. i have the mindset of an alcoholic - no doubt. i don't want to end-up hard core so i'm trying to nip it in the bud, so to speak.

as someone told me at an AA meeting: you don't have to take the elevator all the way to the basement before you get off.

good luck!!

surfergirl10 · Answer

may I ask?? How long have you been sober? what is your story if you don't mind. Just asking...How does one stay away from others when they are my good friends. Not all the time do we drink...I understand if you don't want answer. Any tips on guidance? I can't do any support groups, because I have no support with my kids. Thanks

Jacker · Answer

You aren't unsual in that respect.  When I feel really good, it's when I want to drink.  I think it's because you associate the alcohol with parties and good times.  It's just that past a certain age, that type of partying doesn't work any more.  Some people realize it, and others (like me) dont' seem to get it.  
Speaking of sugar, I've really been enjoying deserts since I stopped drinking.  I think my body wants some type of sugar, and I'm not giving it the alcohol type any more.  I stayed away from it while I was drinking, because I figured it would be too much of various sugars, and I was honsetly too full of beer to care about a desert.  I don't know if it's good or bad, but I'm keeping it under control..  I actaully think it might help to keep my beer cravings to a minimum (obviously with a controlled amount of sugary stuff)!  I guess it's substituting one sugar for another.

surfergirl10 · Answer

It is hard. I am trying to eat better to also reduce sugar type cravings...the weird thing is, when I am really down, NO way do I even want a drink. But if I am feeling good, it triggers me almost to sabotage myself. weird. Thanks

Jacker · Answer

One definition of an alcoholic is when you continue to drink in spite of the negative consequences that it causes in your life. That being said, I think you are more of a problem drinker than an alcoholic. If you do not have an "off switch" when you drink, then it is a good idea to stop. In your case, since you get "sucked in" then you should stay away from people who are drinking or stay away from these people while they are drinking. If your husband goes out with a group of people for the sole purpose of drinking heavily, don't go with him. Once you stay away from these people, you'll find that it's much easier to lay off.

surfergirl10 · Answer

Here is a scenario- I have been a binge drinker for years. I plan my drunks. because "i deserve the escape." What is the true definition of an alcoholic?  I can abstain, but if I am around it, I cannot say know and get sucked into it, only to get waisted. However, 1x about every 2 weeks. I would like to quit, don't like AA. Have done that. Do not have support from hubby. I have 2 young kids and have no assistance to go to a support group etc. May try and go to a therapist. It isn't the night of drinking that is terrible....it is the next day that I want to quit...get depressed etc. Any tips? and I am looking for a therapist, but I am interested in specific therapies for this?? tips

scaredjo · Answer

thanks for your help i think i will cut down if not stop especially if it helps my anxiety its a good experiment to try out x

ibizan · Answer

good comments as usual from workingdog and jacker......i will add if u wonder if ur drinking is a problem and u wonder and wonder...it probably is....and u know deep in the pit of ur gut...u know....and i'm glad to see u r reaching this awareness that it is.....it is how i decided a LONG time ago it was for me!Alcohol will aggravate the anxiety....make it much worse.....will not ever totally alleviate it or make it disappear...their r good anti-anxiety meds out there that r not addictive...and Campral does wonders to help ppl stay sober.....google it and get the scoop!

working dog · Answer

exercise helps a lot with anxiety...heart rate stuff...like at least 3 times a week get your heart rate up for at least 20 minutes...and after a while go to 40 minutes...this will help a lot...even if you only bring it up to like 105 to 110...you don't have to get it way up there...a good fast walk can do it...biking or running......billy

scaredjo · Answer

you know u just made something really hit home with the anxiety/drinking cause when i have drunk too much, the day after if i feel rough my anxiety is sky high especially if i av been drinkin alco pops i have pains in my chest and everything (i have health anxiety) thanks

working dog · Answer

you don't drink in the day ? so what...i didn't drink durring the day ever and i was an alcoholic..at night i loved those drinks...your anixiety will get worse and worse as you keep drinking...i would see a doc...get something to take and quit alcohol ....good luck...billy

Jacker · Answer

I couldn't answer as to whether or not you have a real drinking problem, but you should cut back for awhile.  Try abstaining for a month or two, then see if you can resume at moderate levels.  When you start needing it every night, a serious drinking problem can really sneak up on you,  Not every alcoholic drinks during the day - there are many of us that function normally on a daily basis (for a long time) and only drink at night. Now is a good time to tackle this issue.