What am I?

[Breakingfree]

My query is this...I came off of vicodin 15 months ago and I think I went straight to alcohol after my body detoxed from the pills. :( They were Dr prescribed. I have stopped drinking whenever I had to i.e. sick, on a diet plan, etc. I had no w/d's that I can think of. I have always liked to drink and have done so before I was on the vicodin for my back pain. I think I do drink too much. I feel like it takes the edge off and yes, sometimes I drink way too much in one sitting, say, when I fight with my boyfriend. A crutch? I'm sure. Am I addicted? I don't know. I get up everyday at 6 am without too much of a problem (early for anyone). I get 3 kids off to school. I don't drink until about 7-8pm usually. Sometimes earlier. My boyfriend said the other day "wow, how did we go through 4 wine boxes in 2 weeks? I know. I sometimes sneak that extra glass when he's not looking. What am I?

[ibizan]

sounds like ur a very functional alcoholic!ppl who are addicted to one substance..like u with the Vics......have a cross tolerance to other substances.....years ago i would play ping pong with alcohol,pot.Valium and cocaine.....doing too much of this...need to stop...ok i'll do that..and that got out of control....so ping ponged to another.....AA has good pamphlet...A merry go Round named Denial!

[Breakingfree]

Thank you. Darn, I knew it. Gosh, whats worse, right? I hate having an addictive personality. I ask myself "why can't I be like so many others and just not need any mood enhancers?" Why me? I wasn't abused as a child, I had a great childhood. I don't know what when wrong. Thank you again< I would have never thought of that.

[boogieman]

hi. ya, unfortunately someone who has become chemically dependent will be at greater risk of cross addictions to other things. your situation is actually very common---many people will stop taking things like opiate painkillers or benzodiazepines like valium and begin to abuse alcohol and vice versa. i've done both over the years. the reasoning behind this is the change in neurotransmitter functions that result from prolonged use of mind or mood altering chemicals. the good news is you are aware of the potential consequences and are addressing the issue. maybe you won't have to find out the hard way like i did. best of luck---gm

[ibizan]

to breakingfree.....yeah boogie put it scientific in layperons terms...we have faulty wiring and lack the off switch.....hardware store and wal-mart don't carry em so abstinence from all mood altering chemicals is the answer!

[Breakingfree]

Thank you both. Its so strange, this addiction thing. I find myself jogging an hour a day because then I 'deserve' my drinks. And when the kids just about drive me up the wall...well, what better than a glass of wine because I deserve it. ha Its clear that I'm only making excuses and fooling myself from the real truth. I just don't know what to do at this point. I've got to get better control of this monster.

[ibizan]

View the alcoholism beast as a giant octopus with a zillion arms and tentacles..like the one in movie 20,000 leagues under the sea.....and ur name breakingfree for the arms and tentacles is each hour each day u don't drink....u loosen one slimy arm at a time!

[boogieman]

hi again. it sounds like you may be at a very crucial point, as you are very much aware of your own motives and your past. sadly, most of those who become chronic in their chemical dependencies are only able to look at their lives with such clarity and honesty. you might want to speak to your doctor or even check out a support group. ibizan's octopus is a good illustration of how convoluted addiction can be. i once talked to a therapist about "just" smoking weed and using nothing else. she gave me this analogy: imagine being tied to a tree with 100 ropes, each rope representing a different drug. then imagine all the things in life that i wanted to accomplish within sight but unreachable due to the ropes. if i break 99 of the 100 ropes, i'm still tied to the tree. and that's what my journey has been like. for me, i can't do just one thing or the other, and believe me i've tried---several times. i was also told that my head was out to get my a$$, and it made no difference how. hope this helps and hang in there,   gm