when is his liver going to give up?

[nanabandm]

Hello all. My husband - the 44 year old alcoholic who won't acknowledge it - with acloholic liver disease, cirrosis, swelling, jaundice and a weird smell on him even though he showers because he itches like crazy. Looks awful, very pasty coloured, papery skin on legs, bruising, freezing cold all the time. It's a beautiful day here in south Wales (UK) and there he is in several layers, a great big fleecy jacket and wooly GLOVES!!! I'm in a sun-dress.
He has hepatic encepholepathy (I always spell it wrong, sorry), and won't take his medication properly. He is also back drinking Guinness. He was out of hospital for a day and he's back on it. He is staying with his mother tonight and I've just spoken to him on the phone and he is very negative, was rambling has obviously drank today and was slurring terribly. I was told another drink could kill him. That was 2 weeks ago. He's been drinking up to 5 pints of Guinness a day for over a week. I'm at the end of my rope and don't know what to do. Any advice and although I know it's hard to give a time scale but does anyone have similar stories of relatives/friends and how long did they last? Love nana xxx

[Pickles4Me]

Even if your husband doesn't listen to his doctor, he will have the seed planted.  Sometimes it's easy to ignore a spouse but not so easy to ignore a doctor.  

Do you feel your husband will be up front about all his symptoms?  If not, you can call and leave a message for the doctor.  He won't be able to tell you anything unless your husband has signed a consent form, but he CAN LISTEN to the symptoms you've  notice.

I wish you all the best.  Please keep us updated.  We care deeply.

--Pickles

[jjaz]

Thank you for your prayers!

jjaz

[jjaz]

izzy -

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I can only imagine the grief that you must be going through. Alcoholism is such a horrible disease for everyone in involved. I too have struggled, thinking that maybe there was something more that I could have done. I now realize that the lies and covering things up with stories are all part of the disease. They will hear what they want, and do what they want no matter what the cost (even if it takes their life). All I can do is take it one day at a time, and put it in God's hands.

My husband has his Dr.'s appointment in 2 days. I hope that I am not putting too much stock into the appointment, but I am hoping that the Dr. will give him the "come to meetin Jesus talk". I know that it probably won't change anything, but he needs to hear about his distructive behavior from someone other than me. I will keep everyone posted - hopefully he will tell me what the Dr. tells him.

Thanks for the love and support,

jjaz

[ironpetal09]

Hello to all

Just wanted to let you know I read this thread and I raged and raged at this illness.

You are all in my thoughts and prayers.  

[izzyxx]

dear jill -

i couldn't help wondering if you would lose your husband before i got to the end of the comments. honestly, i don't know what i was hoping for, for you. my heart's just breaking for you, knowing what you must be going through even though my boyfriend went quickly. i don't know if i'd have been as strong as you're being had he lingered and been very ill and in pain. as i read here, i'm happy that you've found people to talk to. when your husband does go, i think you'll find that sometimes people don't stick as close to us as we may have hoped. people will say they don't know what to say, etc. i know that it didn't matter to me if they knew what to say .. it was OK with me if they didn't say anything. being there is enough and sometimes it's more than enough or all that you want.

i don't know you, you're on a different continent and here i am tearing up as i read you go through probably the toughest thing you'll ever have to face. and you're doing it so gracefully. people told me i too should go to al-anon, but i never did. i guess because he went so quickly. i think it's bound to help you though and i hope that it does. please, if you ever need someone to talk to, i want you to know that i'm here. at any time. any day. if you ever wanted to take it to email, just let me know or we can continue chatting here.

when i read your words, i'm filled with the realisation of what this disease can really entail. you're going through so much and i feel like there was so much i wasn't told until he was gone. i remember one time he was in the hospital with an internal hemorrhoid and he'd lost a dangerous amount of blood by the time he got to the hospital, and i can't help knowing that he must've known, even then. i don't know if i could've had your strength. and as strong as you are, there will be times when you don't want to be strong and you want to lean on someone. just let yourself do that, as often as you need to. know there are people who really care, even if they've never met you. i'll keep healing thoughts close. and remember .. i'm a click away.

fondly,
izzy

[izzyxx]

my heart goes out to you. my boyfriend died at 44 so i don't think my words will be very encouraging. his death seemed so sudden to me. he wasn't nearly as ill as your husband seems to be. he wasn't really ill at all. about a year before he died his liver enyzmes tested high .. that was when he first found out about cirrhosis. he kept a lot of what the doctor said away from me and since he seemed to feel so fine, i was able to put it in my denial spot or something. when he went back to the doctor, he told me that since he had quit drinking, (he hadn't) that the enzymes tested more positively, better for him, i mean. he then told me the doctor told him he could drink wine occasionally. the fear that i was going to lose him must've shoved me into a place where i could hear a lie, but accept it. you'd have to know my boyfriend. very stubborn and the only one who could make up his mind for him, about anything. his father had been ill, totally bedridden. after his father passed, it seemed like he just gave up. started drinking the way he always had and two months later he too died. i only found out after his death about the stern talking to he got from his doctor. basically, "quit drinking now or you're GOING to die, and it's going to come fast." that was the understatement of a lifetime. he fell one night when he was drunk, ended up in the hospital, and a week later he was gone. that's what i mean about there being no real time when he'd be so seriously ill .. the way you're writing about and just from what i'd read. i had no idea he could even BE that close to death. however, when i saw him at the hospital the first time, i knew he'd be gone in a matter of days .. and he was. i'm still feeling so destroyed, fighting the barrage of grief that grabs you like nothing else you've ever experienced. in a way i'm glad he didn't suffer much, but i miss him terribly. it's only been 18 months. i wish i could go back, maybe there was something to be done differently, altho everyone tells me there was not. i lost my best friend of over 20 years. i hope you have better luck. i know a person cannot even get on a waiting list for a liver transplant unless they've ceased alcohol consumption for at least six months. it doesn't sound good. i'm sorry.
regards,
izzy