Aa
when is his liver going to give up?
Hello all. My husband - the 44 year old alcoholic who won't acknowledge it - with acloholic liver disease, cirrosis, swelling, jaundice and a weird smell on him even though he showers because he itches like crazy. Looks awful, very pasty coloured, papery skin on legs, bruising, freezing cold all the time. It's a beautiful day here in south Wales (UK) and there he is in several layers, a great big fleecy jacket and wooly GLOVES!!! I'm in a sun-dress.
He has hepatic encepholepathy (I always spell it wrong, sorry), and won't take his medication properly. He is also back drinking Guinness. He was out of hospital for a day and he's back on it. He is staying with his mother tonight and I've just spoken to him on the phone and he is very negative, was rambling has obviously drank today and was slurring terribly. I was told another drink could kill him. That was 2 weeks ago. He's been drinking up to 5 pints of Guinness a day for over a week. I'm at the end of my rope and don't know what to do. Any advice and although I know it's hard to give a time scale but does anyone have similar stories of relatives/friends and how long did they last? Love nana xxx
He has hepatic encepholepathy (I always spell it wrong, sorry), and won't take his medication properly. He is also back drinking Guinness. He was out of hospital for a day and he's back on it. He is staying with his mother tonight and I've just spoken to him on the phone and he is very negative, was rambling has obviously drank today and was slurring terribly. I was told another drink could kill him. That was 2 weeks ago. He's been drinking up to 5 pints of Guinness a day for over a week. I'm at the end of my rope and don't know what to do. Any advice and although I know it's hard to give a time scale but does anyone have similar stories of relatives/friends and how long did they last? Love nana xxx
Hard headed people...they are their own worst enemy and we are left to watch them go down in flames most of the time.
I'm so sorry that he is drinking more than ever. I wish I could tell you when this torture to himself and especially to you is going to end but there is no telling. I know that is not what you want to hear.
I think if it was me I'd wait until he passed out and call the ambulance to come and get him and take him to the hospital. That may be the only way you're going to get some definitive answers about the condition he is in at this moment and where things stand.
Have you thought about calling his doctor to ask him/her for advice? I don't know if they would have any better advice than we here have been able to give you but anything at this point is worth a try.
Keep us posted. Know that many of us are thinking of you.
~Grace
I'm so sorry that he is drinking more than ever. I wish I could tell you when this torture to himself and especially to you is going to end but there is no telling. I know that is not what you want to hear.
I think if it was me I'd wait until he passed out and call the ambulance to come and get him and take him to the hospital. That may be the only way you're going to get some definitive answers about the condition he is in at this moment and where things stand.
Have you thought about calling his doctor to ask him/her for advice? I don't know if they would have any better advice than we here have been able to give you but anything at this point is worth a try.
Keep us posted. Know that many of us are thinking of you.
~Grace
My decompensated liver, cirrosis laden husband is now drinking over 15 pints of guinness a day. I'm waiting for him to spontaneously combust. It's awful. Anyone with a crystal ball out there who could give me some idea of a timescale? I know I asked this before but now he's deteriorating before my eyes and won't even go to his hospital follow ups. He knows he'll be kept in. The drying out would probably kill him. I'm so mixed up I'm rambling. Working and volunteering like a complete obsessive. Can't help it though. Better than watching him driving more nails in his coffin. I'm very down today as you can tell. Sorry folks. xxxx
GAVE=Gastric Antral Vascular Ectasia=dilatation of small blood vessels in pyloric antrum(part of the stomach).It can cause both severe bleeding and chronic anemia.
It is usually seen in patients with chronic disease(about 1/3 of patients have cirrhosis...but you also see it in various autoimmune diseases like scleroderma)
Walter
It is usually seen in patients with chronic disease(about 1/3 of patients have cirrhosis...but you also see it in various autoimmune diseases like scleroderma)
Walter
Wow - what a fantastic message. I know what you are saying. I found out what GAVE stands for = gastric antreum venal blahbiblahdiblah - can't remember exactly now, but suffice to say it's not pleasant. Watermelon stomach it's called and there was a picture of some poor sod who had it and the stomach does look like a watermelon. Hence ....
I also had a lovely message from Pickles who gave me some good advice about the feelings of shame and along with your own good advice I now realise there is no need for me to feel shame. I can't however, accept the patronising 'sorry for you' attitude of some people I bump into. They want to know the in's and out's of a cow's backside about my husband and tell me with great gravitas of how they saw him drinking in such and such pub and what was I going to do about it. It makes me want to rip my own arm out of it's socket just so I'd have something substantial to hit them with!!!!!
You've obviously been through all this and sometimes I wish I could let my feelings show truthfully instead of putting on a face. I'm getting a little resentful that I've had to start making a 'sideline' life for myself - not with other men even though we're platonic and have been for ages - and not devoting myself completely to him and his care the way I would if he had, say, cancer. I adore him, really I do, but I can't go out with him as it turns my stomach watching him drink so we just see each other in the house. He gets up and is out of the house before 10.30am and doesn't come back home until 7pm or later. He can hardly speak this evening. Not mean or grumpy or anything but it's really annoying because I can't believe he's doing this to himself. He's very funny when he speaks though and it's like living with a stand up comedian. I laugh so much sometimes that my tea comes down my nose. But overall, it's like looking after a naughty alcoholic younger brother. I've had a pleasant day with my work colleagues who are so supportive and I'm invited to a lovely regatta on the weekend which I'm going to. He will sulk - but tough. He's not coming with me. I'm going to have a little 'me time' - Thanks Grace, you made me feel better about myself and that's worth so much - your name suits you by the way. love Jill xxx
I also had a lovely message from Pickles who gave me some good advice about the feelings of shame and along with your own good advice I now realise there is no need for me to feel shame. I can't however, accept the patronising 'sorry for you' attitude of some people I bump into. They want to know the in's and out's of a cow's backside about my husband and tell me with great gravitas of how they saw him drinking in such and such pub and what was I going to do about it. It makes me want to rip my own arm out of it's socket just so I'd have something substantial to hit them with!!!!!
You've obviously been through all this and sometimes I wish I could let my feelings show truthfully instead of putting on a face. I'm getting a little resentful that I've had to start making a 'sideline' life for myself - not with other men even though we're platonic and have been for ages - and not devoting myself completely to him and his care the way I would if he had, say, cancer. I adore him, really I do, but I can't go out with him as it turns my stomach watching him drink so we just see each other in the house. He gets up and is out of the house before 10.30am and doesn't come back home until 7pm or later. He can hardly speak this evening. Not mean or grumpy or anything but it's really annoying because I can't believe he's doing this to himself. He's very funny when he speaks though and it's like living with a stand up comedian. I laugh so much sometimes that my tea comes down my nose. But overall, it's like looking after a naughty alcoholic younger brother. I've had a pleasant day with my work colleagues who are so supportive and I'm invited to a lovely regatta on the weekend which I'm going to. He will sulk - but tough. He's not coming with me. I'm going to have a little 'me time' - Thanks Grace, you made me feel better about myself and that's worth so much - your name suits you by the way. love Jill xxx
Oh Nana, my heart goes out to you. I wish I had some good advice, but I really don't. Just lots of empathy and good thoughts going your way.
I have no idea what GAVE stands for, possibly give his doctor a call and ask. Also let them know what he is doing and see if they have any advice for you.
I know about the hiding from family and the feeling of shame. Logically we know that we are not responsible for the terrible choices our spouses make but for some reason we seem to take/share the blame and feel ashamed and that makes us not want to see others for fear of facing their judgment. At least that is how I felt for years before my husband got sick in February. Finally in Feb. I told my parents about all the drinking over the years etc. They were shocked and it took awhile to convince them that though he drank our bills were always paid and he went to work every day, was not a mean drinker etc. They got it in their heads that I had lived a miserable 20+ years, which was not true. I find that I still avoid them as their questions about his staying the course of not drinking etc. seem to make me feel resentful and not too kindly toward them. I also find that I do not take well to sympathy. Not at all. I really feel that I just want to be left alone and mostly I want my old life back. The where I don't live in fear of tomorrow. That would be heaven to me.
Anyway, back to you. I'm sure that watching others die in your presence doesn't make the future look too bright to you. I've been reading more and more about the trials and tribulations that the care giver of a cirrhotic person goes through and it doesn't look easy. Reading your last few sentences breaks my heart. I wish these men of ours used their intelligence when it really mattered, back when they were healthier and could've made better choices about their health. Sometimes I find myself pretty darn angry at my husband that he did the things he did that put us where we are. If you're able to put a smile on your face and pretend with him I give you a lot of credit because I have no public face. When I'm mad, you know it. When I'm sad, you know it. Can't hide a thing.
I'm sure not much of this was helpful to you. Just know there are many of us out here who know the misery you speak of.
Hang in there.
~Grace
I have no idea what GAVE stands for, possibly give his doctor a call and ask. Also let them know what he is doing and see if they have any advice for you.
I know about the hiding from family and the feeling of shame. Logically we know that we are not responsible for the terrible choices our spouses make but for some reason we seem to take/share the blame and feel ashamed and that makes us not want to see others for fear of facing their judgment. At least that is how I felt for years before my husband got sick in February. Finally in Feb. I told my parents about all the drinking over the years etc. They were shocked and it took awhile to convince them that though he drank our bills were always paid and he went to work every day, was not a mean drinker etc. They got it in their heads that I had lived a miserable 20+ years, which was not true. I find that I still avoid them as their questions about his staying the course of not drinking etc. seem to make me feel resentful and not too kindly toward them. I also find that I do not take well to sympathy. Not at all. I really feel that I just want to be left alone and mostly I want my old life back. The where I don't live in fear of tomorrow. That would be heaven to me.
Anyway, back to you. I'm sure that watching others die in your presence doesn't make the future look too bright to you. I've been reading more and more about the trials and tribulations that the care giver of a cirrhotic person goes through and it doesn't look easy. Reading your last few sentences breaks my heart. I wish these men of ours used their intelligence when it really mattered, back when they were healthier and could've made better choices about their health. Sometimes I find myself pretty darn angry at my husband that he did the things he did that put us where we are. If you're able to put a smile on your face and pretend with him I give you a lot of credit because I have no public face. When I'm mad, you know it. When I'm sad, you know it. Can't hide a thing.
I'm sure not much of this was helpful to you. Just know there are many of us out here who know the misery you speak of.
Hang in there.
~Grace
What does GAVE stand for? I was looking on his report from the hospital which he had back in April when he had to go in for an endoscopy (before he went in this last time). I found it in his stuff and it says :
ASA grade III systemic disease : Findings Abnormal oesophagus ; barely noticeable oseophageal varices ; abnormal stomach ; Findings Mild GAVE ; normal duodenum
Comments : "He has 2 grade II varices (along with tongues of gastric mucosa) as well as both a mild portal gastropathy and GAVE. It might be worth surveillance endoscopy and/or Propranolol but we'll discuss this in clinic."
Well he didn't get to go to follow up clinic because he put off two appointments then went back into hospital - the episode I wrote about when I first joined this forum.
I was told today by someone who sees him in the pub every day that he's drinking in excess of 10 pints of guinness now. He's not taking his meds still. I gave him some last night but he hadn't taken the ones he should have during the day. The vitamins and the propranolol, lactulose and thiamine and spironolactone. He is also being very belligerent apparently with some of the lads and they are rapidly losing patience with him as he can be quite sarcastic.
His next appointment is not until September 9th and I know he'll make some excuse not to go.
I'm feeling terrible today. So depressed about it and I'm hiding myself away from my family because I'm so ashamed. Telling them all sorts of fibs not to see them and when I do I'm putting on this act that I'm OK. But I'm not. I've got angina myself and I'm on antidepressants since my darling nephew committed suicide. I nursed my dad in law through the last stages of bowel cancer and was with him when he died in the most horrible way. My own dad died in March and I was with him too and I'm just so scared of what's in front of me but in some ways which it would happen because watching my husband drink himself to death is breaking me up. I've cried so much today behind closed doors and the thought of going out is giving me the willies. Sorry I'm such a miseryguts today but I just had to get all this out of my system before he comes home and I've got to put my 'smile' on and pretend that he's not an alcoholic, dying slowly inside, right in front of my eyes. I'm going to have a cup of tea. Love you all ... Jill xxx
ASA grade III systemic disease : Findings Abnormal oesophagus ; barely noticeable oseophageal varices ; abnormal stomach ; Findings Mild GAVE ; normal duodenum
Comments : "He has 2 grade II varices (along with tongues of gastric mucosa) as well as both a mild portal gastropathy and GAVE. It might be worth surveillance endoscopy and/or Propranolol but we'll discuss this in clinic."
Well he didn't get to go to follow up clinic because he put off two appointments then went back into hospital - the episode I wrote about when I first joined this forum.
I was told today by someone who sees him in the pub every day that he's drinking in excess of 10 pints of guinness now. He's not taking his meds still. I gave him some last night but he hadn't taken the ones he should have during the day. The vitamins and the propranolol, lactulose and thiamine and spironolactone. He is also being very belligerent apparently with some of the lads and they are rapidly losing patience with him as he can be quite sarcastic.
His next appointment is not until September 9th and I know he'll make some excuse not to go.
I'm feeling terrible today. So depressed about it and I'm hiding myself away from my family because I'm so ashamed. Telling them all sorts of fibs not to see them and when I do I'm putting on this act that I'm OK. But I'm not. I've got angina myself and I'm on antidepressants since my darling nephew committed suicide. I nursed my dad in law through the last stages of bowel cancer and was with him when he died in the most horrible way. My own dad died in March and I was with him too and I'm just so scared of what's in front of me but in some ways which it would happen because watching my husband drink himself to death is breaking me up. I've cried so much today behind closed doors and the thought of going out is giving me the willies. Sorry I'm such a miseryguts today but I just had to get all this out of my system before he comes home and I've got to put my 'smile' on and pretend that he's not an alcoholic, dying slowly inside, right in front of my eyes. I'm going to have a cup of tea. Love you all ... Jill xxx
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