I need some help here!

[patient49]

ok, so I have had bad anxiety episodes in the past which I fully healed from.. meaning I didn't live my life in fear. I am now going through another episode which is a lot longer and proves to be more severe. I should note that the other 2 times I had a nervous breakdown both lasted 3 months and I thought I was dying and or going insane. This time has lasted for a year now and I begin to get better, then have additional episodes that bring me closer to hopelessness. I know what I have is serious, but it is similar to what I cured from in the past, and I believe I can heal again. But...

The following is my episodal experiaence that I just had last night:  I have been very interested in this young woman who works at a store, but am insecure, and she makes me question myself so much, encourges me to be happy, and have a reason to be well! And I have only interacted with her twice. Well lastnight was the third time and I wasn't feeling well, but needed gas, and she was working, and I did everything but continue the momentum of the interest I showed in her or she showed in me. I should have not gone there, and I should have been more secure with myself and nice with her, but instead it was even awkward.. I went in, and anxiously left!

This messed with my head when I got home and my emotional reaction was sooo bad! I began to feel sensation all throughout my body and my mind was exteremly unrelaxed and more tense then usual. I know that it was reactional, and there was reason why I had this reaction, but I blew it way out of proportion, or did I, and felt so horribly with myself that I didn't keep my optimistic momentum with this sweetheart!!  I couldnt get my mind off how stupid I was and this led into that extreme emotional response of feeling really unrelaxed and tense, and hopeless, and feeling like I was losing control of myself, my mind, literally!! I know this may sound like a panick attack, but I am afraid it was more like a psychotic episode, because it lasted all night (though I did sleep ok, but woke a a few times, and I did feel a lot better in the morning, as if I was resolving it in my sleep and letting it go), but it is still bothering me the next day, as have my previous nervous breakdowns in the past.. see they last for months, and mess with my entire world!!

My question is I am wondering How I can tell the difference between an incurable mental illness, and a curable one. For example, how can I know if my emotional illness that I have been struggling with off and on for years now, is anxiety and depression, or if it is a more serious mental illness like schitsophrenia. Doctors give me mixed messages but don't think I have schitsophrenia, while one said I have a only treatable mental illness, the rest tell me it's anxiety. I know it is serious, but I cured from something like this in the past. But this is lasting now a year so far and in ways I am entrenched in my illness, in other ways I believe I can get better, and almost felt that I was getting better. But that extreme stress response that I had is still affecting me, as that is what it does. Can anxiety attack last for days and even a month and make you feel like you are losing control, of your self and mind?

Or does it sound like I have a more serious , perhaps uncurable mental illness?  I still believe that existence is fair and good, and that it is my own delusions that is causing me all this suffering. But I feel like I almost lost it last night, and it is contuning to concern me!!

Sorry it is so long, but otherwise I wouldn't have explained myself. If you think you have some advise or could help me please let me know! Thank you!!

[patient49]

Hi jul04, you are such a sweetheart, thanks for the message. The wisdom from the people like you who have responded to me is so amazing, you guys are helping me so much with this!!  Thank you for your insight and help, And touching optimism. I am more encouraged :) Thank you!!

[jul04]

I don't know that you blew it with the girl.  I think you need to focus on getting better and you will begin to see things differently.  

I really think you need to go to therapy to help you cope with the anxiety.  I am not a dr so I can't say for sure what is going on with you but I really think anxiety has something to do with it.  Going to therapy will help you and maybe even the meds.  I know what you mean about being afraid of taking the meds because I felt the same way about them.  But if they are going to help you get your life back on track you might want to consider them.  It might take awhile to find a med that works for you but with the help of a therapist you will get there.

Anxiety is powerful and it can cause us to become extremely ill.  You just have to believe that you can overcome it and with hardwork and help you will.  Once you start dealing with the anxiety you will regain confidence in yourself and you will have a totally different outlook on life (and girls too).....

I really hope that you get better soon and remember you are not alone.  Everyone on this forum is here to help you.  I believe you can get better.... now you have to believe it too....Lots of luck....

[patient49]

Hi mammo, Thank you so very much for your response, it is so heartfelt, sincere, and helpful!  It is just that I tried seeking help and feel like noone I met was of help for me, no specialist! I feel much alone, but thanks to medhelp!!  I am afraid of medication, I am sensative to drugs.. It would make ME worse I am convinced. But thank you, and for your comment that I over-analyze, and am too critical of myself. I can't say how many people say this to me! And that is so sweet of you to say that about that girl. You know, you're probably right, actually, because to her it looked like I was just not feeling well at the time. To me I blew it up to being afraid to go back to see her, and feel like I am now struggling a bit for my control :(  But thank you so much for your response, it is really helpful.. it makes me want to cry.. people giving me hope :)

[mammo]

First of all I think you are too critical of yourself, and are over-analyzing everything.  What happened with that girl as far as she knows, you just happened to remember something you needed to do and had to run.  She probably didn't give it a second thought.  When you say you beat the anxiety/depression are you saying without therapy or medication?  Either way you need to see a psychiatrist for a diagnosis and get referred to the proper type of therapist.  You may also need medication but this is to be determined by your psychaitrist and you choose if you want them or not.  Even though you beat this before it has taken it's toll on you and is still with you, and getting worse.  For some reason many people are reluctant to view this like any other medical condition that needs treament.  You may not be able to kick this on your own, a lot if not most haven't and we take medication if need be, to live a happy and productive life.
Sometimes there are things just too big for us to handle on our own, and that's okay.  This is why we have the specialists to help us.  Take care.