What can i do to make it stop???

[brokenangel36]

I have discovered through therapy that i have a passive-aggressive personality.  To the majority of people who i know, love or respect i find it extremely difficult to confront them face to face on things that they say or do that upsets me.  I tend to try to laugh it off or make up excuses for them ie; they are having a bad day or mainly it is my fault and so i deserve to be spoke to or treated that way, i blame myself so i don’t say anything.

However when in the presence of strangers or people who i really don’t like i am the total opposite, i can be extremely aggressive, hostile, rude and threatening.  Little things will set me off and if i feel  in any way I’m not being respected by a passing stranger i will go full throttle to tell them so.  Some times it has nearly ended in a blood bath.

Now what is happening is all these past experiences with loved ones that i felt unable to confront is coming back to haunt me. Mainly when i lay down to go to sleep a switch goes off in my head and suddenly a past event will start to play, like a film, only this time instead of me being passive and letting myself being walked all over i become very aggressive and confrontational.  I shout, scream and manipulate them until they feel 2inches high and i am left feeling total control over them, feeling powerful and satisfied.  If though in this ‘film’ i am unable to feel a sense of satisfaction the past event will re-wind and it will start all over again.

I can be laying there for hours upon hours sometimes just replaying these events over and over, trying to switch off and drift off but nothing i do seems to stop them, it’s almost like my brain is so over tired that I’ve lost all control over it.

My therapy finished and there are no plans to have any more.   But what i would like to ask is if anyone else has experienced this and what has helped them to cope.  Are their any techniques that i can use to shut off my mind??  Or things i can do to prevent this from occurring in the first place?  Anything would be helpful

Thank you in advance for your time and for reading this.

[brokenangel36]

Hi, yeah i got in contact with my CPN yesterday an i asked to be reffered for more therapy.  Literally after i wrote this i re-read my message and i realised what i needed to do.  Strange isn't it how writing it down and reading it back can enlighten you to the soution and yet when its all stored away in your mind you can't see the ovious.... lol

I wana thank-you though for taking the time to read and leave a message. x

[autumn425]

I would have to say that Mammo is on the right track here. You do need more "therapy" as Mammo had said.


Best of luck to you,

Autumn425

[mammo]

I truly think more therapy would be very beneficial.  It's like once they discovered what the problem is and....... they stopped!  Now they need to teach you how to think about all this in a different manner, be more positive and cope better.  One thing that may help you at night is to not go to bed until your are truly tired.  Read a book or watch TV and just fall asleep doing this.  When we can't sleep, the worst thing to do is to lay there and think.  Are you on any medication to help you with this?  It sounds like you have a lot of pent of anger and this needs to be addressed.  Stay with us as people who have experienced this or are more knowledgeable offer you some advice on their experiences.
Don't give up on getting answers! I wish you all the best, and take care.