Believing something I didn't do.

[FireRises]

I hope someone can help me, I have been suffering from anxiety so much that I don't even know what to do anymore.

It all started because of something stupid I did a month ago. Me and my friends went to a bar and sat in its garden (where people smoke, etc). My friend had some marijuana with him and rolled a joint. He lit up and started to pass it around. I was hesitant about accepting it but I figured that trying it once won't hurt. After we finished, he threw it away and we resumed drinking.

More than a month has passed since that day. Something made me remember it and then the anxiety started. I got anxious about the fact that there were cameras. The level of paranoia I had was simply illogical, surely nobody would worry about being in trouble for something quite innocent he did a month ago, right? But then I started to think about the situation over and over again. I became obsessed with it and now it has gotten to a point where I'm now worrying about whether I've walked up to someone and sold marijuana. I realize it's completely absurd but I can't stop imagining a scenario like that. And that has made me so anxious that I can barely concentrate on anything anymore because I keep thinking that some day police will knock on my door.

Maybe I am insane? None of my friends have ever worried about that day.

[Texcal]

The suggested book will help. And every time your mind goes to the worry part, redirect yourself to something that occupies you. Exercise with music. Make the redirection to something positive. Good luck. And continue to be open with your mom or someone and communicate. Don't retreat into yourself.

[working dog]

not many folks out there care about pot anymore......the parties over..... the big money in marijuana reinforcement will be gone soon.......maybe just don't smoke any pot.....and don't drink cause thats way worse for anxiety....it takes it away short term but it will bite you in the a** every time.....i would try exercise....cardio.....maybe 40 minutes 3 or 4 times a week.....and food...coffee...sugar intake...everything in moderation..flickering fluorescent lights can be a drag too...

[FireRises]

Also, I don't smoke weed regularly, I think it was only my second time smoking something that's not tobacco.
I have even talked about this situation with my mother and she insists that everything is going to be alright. I just can't stop thinking about it and going "what if, what if?". I just can't stand the thought that I can ruin my future just because of something stupid I did when I wanted to have a good time without hurting anybody.

[FireRises]

Thank you for your answers, I really appreciate it. My problem now is that I keep imagining I sold it to someone even though I don't remember anything like that. I didn't have too much to drink and my memory of that night is quite precise especially for something that happened a month ago. I kept worrying about the situation and imagined I sold to someone and started to believe it. I keep focusing on the "what if's". What IF I took my friend's weed and sold it to someone? What if police are investigating it right now?
Surely I would remember something like this, right? Because at first I was only worried about smoking it and then my mind wandered to the irrational action of selling it. I've lost all my logical thinking. I can't believe I'm worrying about NOW, because a month has passed and if I was in any trouble, I would've been contacted a long time ago.
A normal person would be able to accept that, but I can't and that's why I think there's something wrong with my sanity.

[Texcal]

Your anxiety may be unfounded and an overreaction but still, it is real. And you know that it is irrational but you still have the severe discomfort. I agree, do not do anything out of character in the future. As for the anxiety, try the book by Edmund Bourne, PhD called The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. It sounds like you might tend towards anxiety and may even be prone to panic. The workbook greatly helps. If the anxiety is interfering with sleep or if concentration is suffering so that you are less productive, seek help with an MD. Definitely try the workbook over having an MD label you with a psych diagnosis though because such diagnoses interfere with your self esteem and opportunities. Good luck and please try the book. It has served many well.

[Nighthawk61]

Hi FR, don't worry about the police seeing that tape, there's no way that anyone ever looks at those tapes unless there's a robbery or something else happening around that time, so know now please, that you have nothing to fear. You can't tell for sure that it was weed that you were smoking and it would never hold up in a court of law, that it was. Again, nothing whatsoever do you have to worry about. I think it's charming that you care enough about your future to care about getting caught, so the fact that your worried, makes you especially caring about you future, and I say Bravo, well done!! Do care. I don't understand why you're thinking that you sold dope unless you had too much to drink and you don't remember, and if that's the case, slow down on the alcohol and always be aware of what your doing and stop yourself from doing anything out of character or what you might regret. You're not insane, and it's okay that your different than your friends, variety  is the spice of life. Some people do feel anxiety and paranoia when they smoke weed, so maybe that's what's happening to you? Happy 2013 ,