College student feeling down

[estevato]

Hello everybody, my story in a nutshell is like this.  Im in my early 20's ; and a college student with a good gpa, a bright future ahead, a beautiful loving girlfriend, and a great family. I am religious and consider my self attractive at 6 fr. 4 with an athletic build at 205 pounds. I got a scholarship in another country.  It all sounds sweet right...well it is...but it isnt.   I made the mistake about 4 months ago by getting intoxicated and having sex with a stripper.  That was the worst mistake I have ever done in my life.  I got extremely stressed and anxious due to the fear of HIV and other std's.  I never had to worry about that since I am not promiscuous.  that sent my life into spiral...Im living a lie to my girlfriend since she has no idea what im going through and I live in constant fear, paranoia and anxiety; also obsessive.  I have the fear that im being infected by hiv through every move I make.  for instance, I was so convinced yesterday that a needle in my sandwich infected me; also today  a lady fell and landed on me on the bus.  I got stressed because I feared maybe she had a syringe in her pocket that infected me.  there are prepostrous scenarios where I am scared whether I got infected with HIV.  3 months after the stripper incident I got tested for HIV and STD's, I came out clean.  I feel like my otherwise good life was shattered.  I dont like i used to before the incident..  Im in another country away from my family and girlfriend, i dont know anybody here.  Im a big, smart tough sophisticated looking guy, but I feel rotten on the inside, so low, so sad, so scared, so not myself anymore.  Im tired of feeling like this...btw im getting couseling at school....

[estevato]

thanks alot guys, I told my girlfriend that I am an emotional wreck. she totally understood; I really appreciate your all's advice

[crazycow]

Tell your girlfriend the truth. Maybe it would help some of your anxiety.

[jem516]

totally agree with paxiled..

[Paxiled]

You obviously are suffering from a need to feel perfect, which is impossible.  You keep emphasizing your looks, your grades, etc. as if that defines you.  What you need is a good therapist to investigate why you feel you need to feel perfect so you can learn to relax and just be.  You're also obviously guilty about what you did, but again, okay, so you're not perfect.  You need to learn what guilt has to teach, but then leave it behind.  So find a good therapist, and tell your girlfriend you're going through a rough patch, you don't need to tell her it's the stripper because really, that isn't it.

[estevato]

is this something that is common? and will it pass? I dont want to reach the point where I have to take meds, no offense to anybody that does