Oh dear. Perhaps you should not begin this journey in the ER. If there is ONE place in a hospital that LOOKS like a hospital, it's the ER. If the sight of blood makes you lightheaded, I can only say that you're going to be in real trouble because you will be awash in blood. I don't know what defines "gory" talk for you, but when they bring in someone from a head on collision, the talk turns quickly to what I think you may find gory. As you shadow this doctor, he and his team will be looking at the above pt whose leg has been nearly severed from his body. The blood is copious, there are bones protruding where they shouldn't be, there is muscle fiber and tissue and fat sticking to their gloves as they probe the wound trying to decide if they can save the leg, should they amputate STAT or is there time to LifeFlight him down to a trauma center.
I personally can't see you making it even an hour in the ER at this time.
Perhaps you could shadow a surgeon on his rounds on the units, checking up on his surgical patients. But even there you will be seeing blood. I just don't see how you could avoid it.
If this is absolutely what you want to do with your life, then you need to beat this phobia and that means getting into therapy. I'm guessing that some exposure therapy might be worth a try, but make sure you take somebody who will take of you if you go down. The doctor is not going to have time to tend to you swooning at every bedside. LOL
If this is something you want bad enough, you will do whatever you have to to make this dream come true.
Peace
Greenlydia
The best way to beat any fear to to hit it head on. I would think about what side of the fence you're on, you're healthy and walking around many sick people who have no choice but to endure the blood and all that goes with being ill and in the hospital. Often seeing things in the right perspective can help, you'd rather be where you are than where they are.
The more you see these things the easier it will get. You will be walking out the door at the end of the day away from all of this...they won't. Remember that one day it will be YOU healing these people and making a difference in people's lives. I think your ambition to become a doctor will give you strength to get beyond this. Plus, doctors are used to students not being able to handle certain things right away.....if you get dizzy or even pass out, you won't be the first and what better place to have it happen? I know all of this is easier said than done, but you have a dream, don't allow this to prevent you from seeing that dream come true. Just go for it, and I wish you all the best!