I have no drive or motivation.

[Flamenkillah]

Hello everyone this is my first time posting a question on the internet. I am a 27 year old woman who has grown up without any direction from parents. Everything I have done for myself I've done it myself. Parents were never there for guidance. I didn't go to college because I have no discipline or consistency. This is affecting me a lot as I almost hit my 30 and I have nothing to show for. No accomplishments or degrees. I have no drive to go to school because I have to work and I can't do both. I don't really focus. I have taught about taking medication such as Aderall but I am too of a naturalist that won't give in for medication that I could get addicted to. I know what I want to do in life but I can get my self to go for it. I am currently unemployed and I am happy because this time off is making me realize what I want to do in life. One thing is that I don't want to have a corporate job. I want to be an artist and perform and travel. Now if I can just get myself to be disciplined and motivated. Why do I feel unmotivated and with no drive? I like the thought of going to school and I do pretty well when I am there except that at the end I totally give up. I feel like I can't do both work and school. Or perhaps I cold if I had more direction. There are so many people that live unhappy lives working in something that they don't love but I think I have had it with that. I am not willing to sacrifice my happiness anymore to live a pathetic life. Please help, I feel so lost and with no direction.
~peace and love
M.

[MZLAUREL]

Hi There.
Medication is rarely the answer.
I can relate to your situation. I grew up in a family of 6 kids. My parents basically neglected us. My brother and I did the buddy system, since we had almost no supervision. My parents also abused us. Beatings were the norm... a belt... a whip.
When I read your description, I knew exactly what you are talking about.
I see a therapist, and have been for some time. Therapy (not pills) has brought me a long way.
I tried working full time, going to school full time and being a single Mom. I am going to say... probably too much. I ended up quitting school.
I did find college very satisfying. I did well in my courses. It is one thing that I can look back at, and feel good about.
I believe my lack of motivation was from lack of self esteem. I was never really taught  to take good care of myself. Never really taught that I am worthy... as worthy as anyone else on this planet.
I have spent too much time in dysfunctional relationships, that kept me from moving forward.
Art is a wonderful thing. There is something healing in light and color.
One interesting thing that has helped me quite a bit has been Online Poker.
I know it sounds weird, but I  play with playchips. I taught myself (no book). I am pretty poor, so it is easy to NOT put money in.
The remarkable thing is, that I learned about other people, myself and how the world interacts by playing some million hands...lol
I was fearful of conflict, anger, even standing up for myself. I never saw this till I played poker, and had someone "talk trash" to me. It freaked me out. I had no sense of my own power, and would shrivel up and run and hide.
I think the most important thing was the perserverance I displayed to: realize this was online... noone could really hurt me... that they were being agressive JUST to freak me out, and get me to give them my chips.
I learned by watching and imitating other players. After a while I realized I was a better player than them. I watched what being agressive got, on the table. Then I applied the behavior, and learned how to control it, and do it better than them. I did the same thing with feigning being a bad player (I call it "The Broken Wing"). Letting people make the wrong assumption... Give them some chips on bad hand, take away all their chips when they bully me on a good hand. I let the bully push me around. Then I nail him... Very satisfying.
I learned how being a woman makes me a target. Then I learned how to use being a target (woman), to take their chips away... That in keeping me a target, the other player put himself at a disadvantage... left himself open.
Now I walk around a city street and see soooo much more. I am aware of the power in any situation, and how  to use the situation to my advantage. Including the most important thing... Walking away from a "Game".
As the song goes... Know when to hold em... Know when to fold em... Know when to walk away... Know when to RUN.
These are the things our parents are suppose to teach us.
I am impressed that you are so young, and are on the doorstep.
The depression you feel is the fact that you know your life is "wrong....empty"... You want more, but fear the unknown.
It is hard to change. We resist change, try to keep it the same... fear of change is debilitating.
Why do we let the fear hold us? Fear is TOTALLY INSUBSTANTIAL!!!
When you face a fear, it dissipates and disappears in a puff. Like steam. Blow on it and it is gone. Depression is just that.
Fill your life with what makes you happy. Don't worry about having "THE job"... "THE car"... etc. Slow down, you move too fast... Ya gotta let the morning last.
There is no perfect life.
There is just... life. We make it what we want it to be.
Try watching the movie "What the BLEEP Do We Know"... It will change your life. It is about how we are addicted to it being the same. What we need to do to make it change.

[mammo]

Depression robs us of everything including our motivation and desire to do the things we would normally enjoy.  I think therapy would be a big help as I would guess that your past is affecting you now.  Most of us have a root cause for our anxiety and/or depression and yours may lie in your childhood.  None of us want to take medication, for some it's the only way we can function and live a happy normal life.  Know that anxiety and/or depression is no different than any other medical condition that reqiires medication.  If there is a root cause, often once you discover what that is, and deal with it you can move on a happier person.  I had the same kind of childhood as you, like I was growing up invisible. You are still a victim of your past and need to learn how to put this behind you, to move forward.  I turned out to be the most successful adult out of 7 kids.  They took one road and I took another, and I have always been grateful that I was treated as I was because it made me the person I became as an adult. It would have been nice to have had parents that cared, but it was what it was.  Seeing how my siblings turned out, I think their treatment of me just propelled me forward to be the kind of mother I never had, and to make something of myself.  But depression can rob us of this drive, it did me for awhile until I went thru therapy and started medication.  You sound like you have a great adventure planned in living your life, don't miss a second of this because of your past.  I hope talking to us helps, but also seek professional help to get thru this.  Your life is waiting!  I wish you all the best and take care....

[remar]

Welcome to Medhelp. This such a wonderful site. We'll do our best to help you anyway we can.
You do have some motivation even if you think you don't. Just knowing what you want to do and don't want to do with your life is huge.
Have you ever thought about counseling? It may be a great help to you. Not all people that have anxiety and depression have to take meds. Some of us do.
It sounds like you might have depression. Maybe you should get in to see a Dr to talk about this.
We're here for you.   Remar